Soccer Player To Enjoy A Year Of Imaginary Freedom

Tired of American sports figures causing mayhem with actual weapons? We present Gary Charles, a former professional English soccer player who was arrested recently for threatening a bouncer with an imaginary knife. From the BBC:

Derby Crown Court was told Charles had previously been found guilty of assault occasioning actual bodily harm after a three-day trial in July. The court had heard how he attacked a woman after she joked he was not good enough to play for Manchester United. He repeatedly kicked her in the face and head in the 2005 assault. He was sentenced to 12 months in jail.

It would have been worse, but the woman's face was quickly stolen by the forward from Nigeria.

All proving that nothing much makes sense when David Hirshey takes a week off.

Former England Footballer Jailed [BBC]