Soccer Page 208 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Tottenham Couldn't Go 30 Seconds Without Punching Themselves In The Dick
Not even 30 seconds had passed before Tottenham decided to turn up their Spursiness and put themselves in a goal-sized hole against Liverpool in the Champions League final. ...
Spanish Soccer Icon José Antonio Reyes Killed In Car Crash
Jose Antonio Reyes, former Sevilla, Atlético Madrid and Arsenal winger died in a car crash on Saturday. Sevilla, Reyes’s boyhood club, confirmed the news of his passing. He was 35....
Antonio Conte Is Going To Inter To Overthrow The Juventus Empire He Helped Create
The main challenge for the ambitious clubs of Italy is as evident as it is daunting: to try to bring an end to Juventus’s nearly decade-long Serie A reign. Things like qualifying for and making a run in the Champions League are important, as is success in the domestic cup. But all of it must be subs...
South Korea U18 Squad Apologizes For Pretending To Urinate In Panda Cup Trophy, Enraging Chinese Fans
South Korea’s U18 squad was stripped of an international tournament title on Wednesday because of online backlash over photos of the team celebrating with the competition’s trophy in an “indecent” manner....
Large Norwegian Teen Scores Nine Goals In One Game In U-20 World Cup
This is Erling Braut Håland. The 6-foot-3 Norwegian is 18 years old, and he looks like a lock to be cast as Thor in the certainly forthcoming Teen Avengers movie. He also scored nine times in today’s game against Honduras in the U-20 World Cup as Norway romped to a record-breaking 12-0 win....
England's FA Hopes Internet Shaming Will Prevent The Lads From Acting Like Absolute Knobs
The most recent instance of English lads descending on the Iberian peninsula for a soccer match ended up making international news after a Brit shoved an old man into a fountain. So it makes sense that England’s Football Association would want to stop any such debacle in its tracks as the Three Lio...
Mesut Özil Has Become Arsenal's Most Expensive Liability
As he walked off the field in Baku during Arsenal’s embarrassing performance in the Europa League final, the relatively paltry numbers of Arsenal fans in attendance serenaded Mesut Özil with boos. Özil had just put in yet another lackluster performance in a big game for the Gunners, showing once aga...
Spanish Soccer Team Celebrates Promotion With Awkward Postgame Strip Tease
With their season-capping win on Saturday, soccer club Esportiu Llançà won promotion from Catalonia’s third division (Spain’s seventh tier overall) to its second. To celebrate the team going up, one of the club’s board members arranged for a stripper to enter the locker room after the game and drop ...
Eden Hazard Leads Chelsea's Thumping Of Arsenal In Lopsided Europa League Final
It’s probably not surprising that the Europa League final—a match rife with controversy, low attendance, and teams traveling halfway across the world—was a snoozefest, but good God, was this boring. Chelsea beat Arsenal 4-1 to claim the club’s second Europa League title, lifting a trophy that means ...
Liga MX And MLS Will Compete For A New, Meaningless Trophy
Starting in July, MLS and Liga MX will compete in a new, eight team, single elimination competition to crown the best club in Mexico and the United States (Canada can go fuck itself unless Toronto, Vancouver, or Montreal qualify for the tourney, I guess). At least, that’s in theory what is being pit...
Daniele De Rossi Was Roma, Until The Very End
Daniele De Rossi’s Roma career ended with a fittingly meaningless win in front of his adoring fans. More than any other player in this current era of the Giallorossi, De Rossi symbolized the duality of the team’s good-but-not-quite-good-enough nature. In his 17 seasons at the Italian capital, De Ros...
78 Seconds Of Batshit Argentine Soccer Features Violent Tackles, Tears, Unconscionable Flopping
Argentine soccer is plagued by a bullshit macho culture where the biggest sin is losing and the biggest virtue is lunging about, heedlessly throwing your body into as many opponents as possible to prove how large your testicles are. For a short clip demonstrating the anarchic, violent, dive-y style ...
Aston Villa Are Returning To The Premier League
Aston Villa have made their way back to the Premier League after defeating Derby County 2-1 at Wembley in the Championship playoff final. The club joins Norwich City and Sheffield United as the three clubs heading to the top flight and replacing Huddersfield Town, Fulham and Cardiff City....
Old Man Wayne Rooney Got His Shit Wrecked
While he may not be carving up defense in MLS like he was during the second half of last season anymore, old man Wayne Rooney is still one of the league’s top scoring threats and teams are still figuring out the best way to stop him. The latest creative attempt came from New England Revolution keepe...
Adorable Soccer Lad Pulls Out Loose Tooth The Only Way He Knows How
The time in a kid’s life where a tooth becomes loose at seemingly a biweekly rate can be quite intimidating, but it can also lead to some wonderful ingenuity. Case in point, we have this young Rangers supporter named Luke, who figured that instead of just reaching into his mouth and yanking out some...
Colombian Soccer Player Found Dead Days After Family Reported Her Missing
Leidy Asprilla, a 22-year-old soccer player who had represented Colombia in youth international tournaments, was found dead off the side of a road yesterday. Her family reported her missing on Sunday after Asprilla left home to pick up a teammate for a training session but never arrived....
The Europa League Final Is Going To Be A Lowly Attended Disaster
The Europa League final is the debacle that keeps on giving. After Arsenal confirmed that midfielder Henrikh Mkhitaryan would not be playing the final in Baku, Azerbaijan due to his Armenian heritage, reports are coming out that the stadium might be half-empty for what is ostensibly the second bigge...
PSG President Charged For Alleged Bribery Over World Championships In Athletics Bid
If there’s one realm of sports more openly corrupt than soccer, it is international athletics competition. Further proof of this well-known fact comes from France, where reports today say Paris Saint-Germain president Nasser Al-Khelaifi has been charged with “active corruption” for allegedly bribing...
Borussia Dortmund Are Coming For Bayern Munich's Crown
While no one bottled the Premier League this season, it can be said that Borussia Dortmund blew it in their pursuit of the Bundesliga title. Dortmund had a nine-point lead over arch rivals Bayern Munich in late January, only to let it slip through their fingers. Rather than sit and stew about their ...