Soccer Page 270 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cristiano Ronaldo Honored With Hideous Bust That May Be Imbued With Dark Magic
The eyes! For the love of god, do not look into the eyes!...
It Wasn't Pretty, But The USMNT Did What They Needed To Do
A full, complete highlight reel from the USMNT’s 1-1 draw with Panama this evening is as follows:...
Wonderteen Christian Pulisic Undresses A Pair Of Defenders, Serves Up Opening Goal
This evening’s USMNT-Panama match was soggy, goalless, and uneventful for the first 39 minutes, until America’s greatest teenager, Christian Pulisic, owned a pair of experienced Panamanian defenders and put an easy assist on a platter for Clint Dempsey. Felipe Baliy and Roman Torres are two of Panam...
Bruce Arena Has Some Dumb Ideas About Who Created Christian Pulisic<em></em>
Jurgen Klinsmann was an arrogant jerk with a penchant for demoralizing his players and pissing off powerful executives in the American soccer scene with his lofty ideas about how to shake up American soccer as it has been—a culture that consistently puts out a motley crew of under-talented overachie...
Alexis Sánchez Steps Up And Bashes In A Perfect Free Kick
Chile need to beat Venezuela today to keep pace in CONMEBOL’s final 2018 World Cup qualifying round and they got off to a perfect start this afternoon, scoring three times in the first 22 minutes. Alexis Sánchez hadn’t had a great weekend leading up to the game (he got popped for a speeding ticket) ...
FIFA Suspends Lionel Messi Four Matches For Yelling At Referee
FIFA handed Lionel Messi a four-match suspension from international play today in response to an incident after last week’s Argentina-Chile match when Messi was seen insulting a referee. With only five matches left in a World Cup Qualifying process in which Argentina have struggled, there is a very ...
Alexis Sanchez Looks Like An Adorable Little Baby In His License Photo
Over the weekend, two days after Chile’s 1-0 World Cup qualifier loss to Argentina and three days before their must-win qualifier against Venezuela, star striker Alexis Sanchez was fined for driving 96 mph (155 kph) near Santiago, Chile, according to Chilean website EMOL. His court date has reported...
Fearless Goalkeeper Stares Down Four-On-One Attack, Comes Up With Heroic Save
Argentine club Belgrano’s keeper probably should’ve been terrified with four River Plate players bearing down on him with no help in sight, but instead he went all “NAH FUCK THAT” and stood up brave and tall and psyched out the attackers, somehow saving a goal and earning the glory. ...
The Christian Pulisic Era Has Officially Begun
If there was a single aspect of the USMNT’s exhilarating, thoroughly commanding 6-0 crushing of Honduras in last Friday’s critical World Cup qualifier that was less than perfect, it was at least one outside the purview of everyone involved....
Albania Rebukes Fans For Throwing Flares And Smoke Bombs During Match Against Italy
The Albanian soccer federation has denounced a group of fans who threw flares and smoke bombs during yesterday’s World Cup qualifying match against Italy, suspending play for several minutes. The match was stopped for nine minutes in the second half and both teams were sent off as one end of the pit...
Ireland's Seamus Coleman Gets His Leg Snapped By Welsh Defender In World Cup Qualifier
Ireland defender Seamus Coleman was stretchered off the field during a World Cup qualifying match against Wales today, after a flying tackle by Welsh defender Neil Taylor appeared to snap his leg. Taylor was immediately issued a red card. ...
Christian Pulisic Is Not The Next Landon Donovan
In the leadup to the U.S. men’s national team’s critical World Cup qualifier tonight against Honduras, the usual and deserved attention has been predictably focused on Christian Pulisic, who, if you somehow still need an introduction, is the young American phenom lighting it up for Borussia Dortmund...
"Footy McFooty Face" Leads Fan Vote For San Diego's Potential MLS Team Name
It’s pretty easy to come up with the kind of barfy, ahistorical team names MLS franchises love to pick, so kudos to the ownership group trying to invent a soccer team in San Diego and buy its way into the league for crowdsourcing a little more imagination. Though maybe “Footy McFooty Face” wasn’t qu...
Over 1,000 Kilos Of Cocaine Hidden In Boxes Labeled With Lionel Messi's Face
The above picture depicts some of the hundreds of cases ostensibly filled with tasty squid filets seized by Peruvian authorities yesterday. On the outside of these boxes are labels upon which the image of Barcelona star Lionel Messi, his name, and his brand logo are printed. On the inside are bricks...
Lukas Podolski's Last Goal For Germany Was A Poetic Banger
In Lukas Podolski’s last appearance for Germany’s national team, the former Arsenal man, corner kick extraordinaire, and guy known for absolutely crushing the ball launched a rocket into the top right corner in the 69th minute to beat England 1-0 in the friendly. It was the perfect final goal for th...
Soccer Player Who Thanked Both Wife And Girlfriend After Game Digs Hole Deeper
South African Premier League player Mohammed Anas told on himself last week, when he thanked his wife and his girlfriend in a postgame interview. He has since tried to explain himself, and he didn’t do a very good job....
Brazilian Soccer Guy Who Had His Girlfriend Killed And Fed To Dogs: "What Happened Happened"
Goalkeeper Bruno de Souza was recently signed by Boa Esporte upon his release from prison after serving about seven years of a 22-year sentence for plotting to kill his ex-girlfriend. At Bruno’s behest, the woman was tortured, killed, and her body fed to Bruno’s dogs to hide the evidence. In Bruno’s...
Wayne Rooney's Potential Return To Everton Actually Makes Lots Of Sense
It’s long felt inevitable that one of these days Everton’s prodigal son Wayne Rooney would return home. Judging from a report in the Independent that quotes sources close to Everton and Manchester United as believing the move is “likely to happen” this summer, we might be mere months away from seein...
Mario Balotelli Missed Start Of Match Because He Tied His Shoes Too Tight
Mario Balotelli’s blistering start to his career in Nice has cooled off some of late. No doubt eager to get back to scoring ways, Balotelli tied his boots nice and tight before stepping out onto the field against Nantes this weekend. Only he soon realized he’d tied them too tight and had to get a co...
Bastian Schweinsteiger Becomes Latest Old Guy To Head For MLS<em></em>
Three years ago, Bastian Schweinsteger was on top of the soccer world. He was starting for the best club and national teams in the world, winning the Champions League for Bayern Munich in 2013 and the World Cup for Germany in 2014. The do-it-all midfielder won eight Bundesliga titles with Bayern and...