Soccer Page 269 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Report: The U.S., Mexico, And Canada Plan To Submit Joint Bid To Host 2026 World Cup
The Guardian spoke with CONCACAF president Victor Montagliani, who confirmed what has long been speculated: the U.S., Mexico, and Canada plan on submitting a joint bid to host the 2026 World Cup....
Lionel Messi And Luis Suárez Are Extremely Good At Soccer
Barcelona and Sevilla, respectively the second- and fourth-placed teams in La Liga, are midway through what on paper should’ve been a tense, tough match. Only one of those teams has Lionel Messi and Luis Suárez, so it’s already a blowout thanks to those the genius of those two....
USWNT Pries Key Concessions From U.S. Soccer, But Not Equal Pay
After more than a year of often-contentious contract negotiations, dueling lawsuits, and a widening rift over equal pay, the U.S. women’s national team and U.S. Soccer have reached a new five-year collective bargaining agreement that will increase player salaries, guarantee better travel and working...
Striker Somehow Fails To Kick Ball Into Open Net From Point-Blank Range
You know what, rather than ridicule, Aberdeen striker Miles Storey deserves our sympathy. Yes, it’s never good to find a way not to score when you’re literally a foot away from an unguarded net, but the incoming cross was deflected, and it had to feel like shit to hear that sound the crowd made when...
Zlatan Ibrahimović And His Mountain-Sized Ego Give A Great Interview
As everyone should know by now, Zlatan Ibrahimović’s arrogance is unreal. For more proof, take the short interview above, in which the big Swede declares himself a lion, explains why he doesn’t compare himself to the other strikers in the Premier League by saying “lions, they don’t compare themselve...
FC Dallas Crash Out Of CONCACAF Champions League After Conceding Very Stupid Goal
FC Dallas trailed Liga MX club Pachuca 2-1 in the second leg of the CONCACAF Champions League semifinal on Tuesday night, but with the score tied 3-3 on aggregate and 1-1 on away goals in its final minute, it looked destined for extra time. ...
Maybe Don't Tell Romelu Lukaku What To Do
Romelu Lukaku, the Premier League’s leading scorer and guy who is way too talented to be frittering his talents away on Everton, a mid-table club with no real shot at the Champions League, was fed up today during Everton’s 1-1 draw with Manchester United. ...
Eldense Coach And General Manager Arrested After Team Loses 12-0 To Barcelona B
Spanish third division side Eldense lost 12-0 to Barcelona’s B team this weekend. Though Barcelona B is at the top of their group table and Eldense the bottom—the loss sealed their relegation—they probably aren’t 12 goals better, suggesting an alternative explanation for the thumping loss: match-fix...
Stoke's Charlie Adam Tried To Take A Corner And Failed So Hard
Early in the second half of Stoke City’s match against Burnley, the Potters’ Charlie Adam stepped up to take a corner and ... it did not go well....
Everton Score Stupid Goal, Manchester United Get Late Penalty, Both Go Home Unhappy
Today’s Manchester United-Everton game could’ve been a big deal to either team. If Everton won, they would’ve leapt over Arsenal and United to take the fifth spot in the table, just five points behind Man City in fourth; while they still would’ve had basically no realistic shot of finishing in the t...
Adorable Beagle Declares Self Lord Of The Soccer Pitch, All Must Swear Allegiance
Those clowns at The Guardian put a video on YouTube that shows a very good beagle running onto the field during a Northern Premier League match and interrupting the action for over seven minutes. The creator of the video, perhaps believing nobody wants to watch a dog prance around a soccer field for...
Spanish Side Loses 12-0 To Barcelona's B Team, Cancels Rest Of Season
Barcelona’s B team, which competes in Spain’s third division, thoroughly and quite literally destroyed Eldense this weekend....
Here's Arsène Wenger Physically Embodying The Despair Of Arsenal's Season
Watch this video of an anguished Arsène Wenger as he looks upon his charges while they conspire to throw away the work they’d done just moments earlier to get back on level terms with Manchester City. Wenger sees Mesut Özil cough the ball up, watches City carve up Arsenal’s back line with ease, and ...
David Moyes Apologizes For Threatening To Slap Female Reporter, Says More Dumb Stuff
Today, Sunderland manager David Moyes has publicly responded to a newly released video in which he can be heard saying “You still might get a slap even though you’re a woman” to BBC reporter Vicki Sparks after a postgame interview from a couple weeks ago....
International Duty Wiped Out Everton And Ronald Koeman Is Pissed Again
The FIFA virus has hit Everton hard, wreaking havoc on their expected lineup ahead of this weekend’s big rivalry game against Liverpool. If there’s one man who can’t stand this particular illness, and who has no compunction making his frustration perfectly clear to those he considers at fault, it’s ...
Premier League Owners Ask For Post-Brexit Protection For Player Immigration
English Premier League club owners are requesting that the government work to ensure that their teams are not put at a competitive disadvantage with the country’s upcoming departure from the European Union. ...
Reporter Embarrasses Himself And America At Bastian Schweinsteiger Press Conference
As an American soccer fan, this video of an oblivious reporter quite confidently asking Bastian Schweinsteiger, new to MLS’s Chicago Fire, whether Chicago can be expected to win the goddamn World Cup is almost too painful to sit through....
Sculptor Of Cristiano Ronaldo Bust: I, Like Jesus, Can't Please Everyone<em></em>
If art is supposed to be provocative, to generate questions and discussion and interest, then the bust of Cristiano Ronaldo unveiled outside the airport now named after him was a rousing success, even if it completely failed as an accurate representation of what Ronaldo actually looks like. You know...
Messi Says He Didn't Direct Insult At The Referee, But "At The Air"
The best player in the world and slight potty mouth Lionel Messi is appealing the four-match ban that was handed down by FIFA yesterday after he yelled at a referee in Argentina’s 1-0 World Cup qualifier win over Chile last week. Messi says he didn’t direct his insult, “la concha de tu madre,” a com...
If You Want A Slow-Motion Replay Of Séamus Coleman's Leg Snapping, Here It Is
The director in charge of the Ireland-Wales match last Friday decided against showing a replay of Neil Taylor’s nasty challenge that wound up snapping Séamus Coleman’s leg, and for good reason. Now that we do have access to the slow-motion replay, we wish we never had seen the injury in such terribl...