Soccer Page 318 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Slightly Creepy Bart Simpson Joins Russian Soccer Club
In some kind of convoluted branding exercise, Russian soccer club Zenit St. Petersburg introduced a slightly off Bart Simpson as its new player today. Synergy!...
There Were So Many Goals In Today's Everton-Chelsea Match
Alright, Chelsea beat Everton by three goals today—two of which it took them all of three minutes into the match to score—but that doesn't even begin to state how insane this game was. There were nine goals! There could've been three more! There was a Tim Howard head butt!...
Ageless Wonders, Crazy Owners, And Ultras: Our 2014-2015 Serie A Preview
Italy's Serie A is a league of stories, full of characters, narratives, plots, tensions, climaxes, and clichés. Time and again, the line between fact and fiction becomes so blurred that you just have to throw your hands up and shrug. You really couldn't make a lot of this stuff up....
Wayne Routledge Scores With A Beautiful Chest-High Volley
Mmmmm, this contorted, leaping volley from outside the box by Swansea City's Wayne Routledge is just delicious. How did he get his foot so high?...
Report: Manchester City Join Arsenal, Real Madrid In Falcao Sweepstakes
We are in the final throes of what has already been a hectic summer transfer window, and it now looks likely that at least one more huge name will be on the move, with Falcao possibly strengthening an already way-too-good Man City attack....
Polish Fans Hoist Giant Anti-UEFA Banner
Legia Warsaw fans are still salty after getting DQ'd from the Champions League for fielding a suspended player, despite beating Celtic 6-1 on aggregate. So today, two days after Celtic were themselves knocked out, Legia fans raised this display: a big fat pig surrounded by the UEFA logo, with the ca...
The Making And Unmaking Of Preston Zimmerman, American Soccer Player
A version of this story originally appeared in the fall 2012 edition of XI Quarterly. ...
Here's Your 2014-2015 Champions League Draw
The Champions League group stage draw was today after the tournament's playoff stage wrapped up yesterday. This is what we have to look forward to....
MK Dons Score Gorgeous Goal While Bossing Manchester United
Milton Keynes Dons of League One—that's the league below the league below the Premier League—put a goddamn hurting on Manchester United in a League Cup match today, beating them 4-0 to the delight of nearly everyone in the world. Here is the third and prettiest goal of the match, featuring some deft...
Ain't No Liga Like The One I Got: Your 2014-15 La Liga Preview
Here we are. The La Liga season has just started up, and now we get to watch the league with the world's three best players, its two best teams, and the saddest hodgepodge of patsies since Enter the Dragon. In spite of these financial realities, Spain managed to produce Europe's wildest title race...
MLS Used A Blind Draw To Decide Where Jermaine Jones Will Play
In one of those "only in MLS" stories—and not one of the charming ones, either—World Cup standout Jermaine Jones is now a member of the New England Revolution, but only because the Revs' name came up in a random draw....
Cameroonian Soccer Player Dies After Fan-Thrown Object Hits Him In Head
Albert Ebosse was pronounced dead shortly after his team lost to USM Alger in the Algerian football championship. Fans allegedly threw rocks on the pitch as both teams were heading for the locker rooms after a 2-1 win over JS Kabylie. Ebosse was hit in the head and taken to the hospital in Tizi Ouzo...
Athletic Bilbao Robbed Of Equalizer From Goalkeeper, Lose To Malaga
Athletic Bilbao appeared to steal a tie from the jaws of defeat with a goal in stoppage time off a set-piece header from their keeper, Gorka Iraizoz. After the initial frenzy, it was disallowed for no apparent reason. Malaga hung on to win, 1-0....
Did Mesut Özil Actually Suck Last Year? Whose Fault Was That?
It was easy to blame Mesut Özil, because it's easy to blame any athlete for anything. But last year, it was particularly easy to blame Mesut Özil. He arrived under the halo of his record £42.5 million fee at Arsenal, implicitly anointing him Savior, a title that almost always preempts failure....
Mauro Zárate Drills Home Magnificent Volley Off The Deflection
West Ham United took a 1-0 lead on Crystal Palace today when Mauro Zárate—in his first start for a new squad—lined up a volley after a sky-high deflection of a shot from teammate Mark Noble....
Premier League Text Message Scandal Is Making Everybody Stupid
May you never have to be defended by Harry Redknapp. ...
What An Enormous Boner
Peruvian side Universidad César Vallejo took a 2-1 lead into the half against Colombian squad Millonarios in Copa Sudamericana action tonight thanks to the enormous boner of Millonarios keeper Luis Enrique Delgado....