Soccer Page 509 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
DC United Displeasing Adu's Overlords
If you've been curious about what's the heck has been going on with Freddy Adu and his dispute with D.C. United, you can get a full blow-by-blow of the motivations behind his complaints at the great Off Wing Opinion. The site's leader Eric McErlain points out that the conventional wisdom that Adu ...
Manchester United Star Accused Of Rape
We know we're wading into dangerous territory — a sport that will openly confess to not understanding, to our own detriment, we're sure — but everybody tells us this is a big deal, so we'll run with it: Manchester United soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo has been arrested on suspicion of rape. He's ...
Blogdome: This Is What It Sounds Like When Fish Cry
• Marlins bloggers officially throwing in the towel. [Fish Stripes] • Success turning Southern Cal football fans into as big a weirdos as Southern college football fans. [Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer] • What is happening with the English Premier League? [Off Wing Opinion] • Looks like every baseball ...
You Hate To See That
We really can't add much to this story other than to just let the facts speak for themselves, so here goes. A soccer player in Germany was kicked in the groin during a game and tore an inch-and-a-half long cut down his penis. It's impressive that he didn't, you know, start screaming like Hades had...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while waiting in line to watch a movie about penguins waiting in line ... • MLB: Bonds singles, walks twice as Giants come within five of Padres, so naturally he takes today off. • MLB: Yankees foolishly use up the rest of their September offense in 20-hit, 17-3 splurge. • Champions ...
Soccer Player Hurts Groin, Makes News For It
We will be the first to admit, as some of you have pointed out, that soccer isn't necessarily our strong suit. This is because we grew up in the United States, enjoy watching sports on television and still think it's almost perverse that they created a sport that doesn't allow you to use your hand...
About Last Night ...
What you missed when TiVo finally gained consciousness and took total control ... • King of Queens: Agassi rallies in U.S. Open thriller — too bad you slept through it. • MLB: Mets beat Braves! ... Naw, we're just kidding, obviously. • World Cup qualifying: Shocking news involving Northern Ireland a...
Another Reason Concerts Are Better Than Soccer
Apparently there's a music festival in Belgium called PukkelPop. Why do we tell you this? Because the goalie for a Belgian women's soccer team — something called SK Berlaar — skipped a game last weekend to go to the concert ... and her team lost 50-1. That's right: That's a soccer score....
Now They Are <em>Literally</em> Convicts On The Field
Reason No. 32,452 that people in other countries are infinitely more unhealthy about their sports than we are: Welsh Premier team Carmarthen Town has signed a man who is currently in jail. Craig Hughes, who plays some position called "striker," was banned from attending soccer games for eight year...
The Only Way You Can Use Your Hands In Soccer
From those always entertaining Brits comes the Pee Goal, which is pretty much exactly like it sounds: You put a little soccer net in a urinal, and if you're not too drunk to aim correctly ... GOALLLLLLLLLLL!!! You just try to hit the little soccer ball hanging on a string, and if you ... you know,...
British People Are So Cute
The UK Observer, a London newspaper that writes about soccer a lot and mentions Jean-Luc Godard whenever it has the opportunity, has noticed something from up on high that tickles its fancy: American sports. Yep: The Brits are fascinated with American sports — much like they're fascinated with Ame...
Blind Item: Which Current President Used To Have Too Much Of The Bubbly?
Remember a couple of years ago, when Mets catcher Mike Piazza called a press conference to let everyone know he wasn't gay? Anybody remember why he had to do that? Because the New York Post's Page Six ran a blind item. It said:...
This, Of Course, Means You Can't Use Your Hands In Heaven
It's actually kind of surprising we haven't heard of this before, though if it were to happen, it was obviously going to be soccer. The Reading soccer club of England can now buy an officially licensed coffin. The coffin weighs 500 pounds and is a "blue and white striped coffin adorned with the c...
Governor Fights Anti-Freedom Soccer Officials
You know, we liked New Jersey more when its governor did it with dudes. Apparently, current governor Richard Codey is furious that the National Anthem was not played before the England-Colombia soccer game at the Meadowlands earlier this week. "I was shocked, absolutely shocked," Codey blared to t...
The Only Way To Get Americans To Care About Soccer
They've tried starting a professional league. They've tried forcing mothers into drive vans back and forth between games. They've even tried having women take off their shirts when they score. And nothing has worked: Americans have better things to do that get into soccer. But Premier League team ...
Please Take Soccer Team. I Am Romanian. I Am Hungry.
There once was a man in Romania named Dinel Staicu. (That's him in the photo. We think. We don't speak Romanian.) Dinel had many big dreams; the biggest dream he had was owning a soccer team. (There they call it "football," for some stupid reason.) He bought a team called Universitatea Craiova, an...
Well, At Least He's Not Killing Anyone
AC Milan Unashamed By Liverpool Loss [China Daily]...
The Colin Ferguson Of Soccer
Well, it's not quite as bad as defending yourself for murder — though also not quite as entertaining — but it'll do for now. Soccer "star" El-Hadji Diouf has been taking some real heat for using a public defender to represent him against charges of spitting on an 11-year-old last November. (They c...
Glazer Throws Weirdo Fans a Bone
The impotent protest of Manchester United fans against the sale of the team to American Malcolm Glazer has inspired giggles from the rest of the world and yawns from the Buccaneers owner. Now, Glazer's representitives will meet with Premier League head Richard Scudamore to go over Glazer's "intentio...
British Soccer Fans Same Batch of Wimps As American Fans
We are reminded of the late, lamented comic Mitch Hedberg's explanation for why he didn't protest anything; "I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it." Manchester United fans have been talking a tough game for months about how they would boycott the team because of Malcolm Glazer's imp...