a Page 7385 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

FC Barcelona Attempts To Train On National Mall, Gets Smacked Down By Surly Park Police Officer
There was a time when rowdy pick-up soccer games took place on the Ellipse in front of the White House, when a powerful leg could damn near reach the Rose Garden. No longer. The pigs cracked down after 9/11, when it was decreed that foreign commie sports enjoyed by minorities were not to be played...

Chris And Carmelo's Excellent Chinese Adventure Continues With Interpretive Masked Opera Dance
Chris Paul, Carmelo Anthony and Dwyane Wade are all on board for this year's week-long Jordan Brand Flight Tour in China, during which the players will "introduce China specific editions of [Nike's] signature products that takes inspiration from the Chinese culture as well as the athlete's style o...

Did Pat McAfee Kick A 75-Yard Field Goal? (Spoiler Alert: No)
The latest "athlete does something impossible" viral video to make the rounds is Colts punter Pat McAfee nailing consecutive field goals from 65, 70 and 75 yards out. And despite that whole "impossible" thing, there are those who want to believe it's real, citing evidence like "McAfee said it's re...

All Of This MLB Trade Deadline And NFL Free Agency Talk Is Really Getting Confusing
Your morning roundup for July 29, the day we got kicked out of Wal-Mart for wearing a string bikini. Photo via @JeffDLowe. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

It's Not The Heat, It's The Humididong
Mitch Butler and Josh Landis couldn't even get through a simple 2:05 CBS Early Show segment exploring the nuances of humidity without slapping a big old phallic symbol up on the screen, and one with a rapidly increasing temperature, no less....

The Highest Bid For Rashaan Salaam's Heisman Trophy Ring Is Currently $1,611
In 1994, Rashaan Salaam ran for 2,055 yards and became the University of Colorado's lone Heisman Trophy winner because of it. In 2011, with the economy apparently taking a toll on his business of "marketing mixed martial arts around the world," Salaam has put the 20+ diamond ring he won for fleet-f...

Here's Video Of A Ball Boy Kicking A Mascot In The Groin
When the Eugene Emeralds hosted the Boise Hawks in a classic short-season Class-A baseball affair on June 18, somebody in the Emeralds organization had the bright idea to call it "Blue Balls" night. Part of the event included mascot "Doug Fir" playing a game of musical chairs with the ball boys, a...

Rhode Island TV Station Admits It Staged "Some Television Magic" After A Golf Tournament
According to a tipster who goes by the name of The Great One, a "local TV reporter showed up late to a [Rhode Island] golf tournament, decided to ask the participants to recreate the event, got caught by a newspaper reporter at the event and, on Twitter, responded 'Hater's gonna hate.'"...

This Is How Gruesome It Looks When A Sword Gets Embedded In Someone's Head (NSFW)
Zhang Bin is a 15-year-old boy from China. Zhang Bin can also now tell people what it feels like to have a sword embedded in your forehead and get the hospital runaround before undergoing successful surgery....

Jockey Fetishists Will Be Pleased To Hear That This Year's "Beefcake" Calendar Only Costs $13.99
It's not very often that a newspaper article reads like erotic fan fiction. So, congratulations to Times Union staff writer Jennifer Gish for wading into this story about shirtless jockeys with such oomph....

So Long Ochocinco, And Thanks For The Sombrero
While Chad Ochocinco was thanking God for sending him to New England (or more likely just getting him out of Cincinnati), his now ex-teammate Pacman Jones was helping himself to the contents of Ochocinco's locker. That included modeling the sombrero Chad once pulled out on the field and offering up ...

All Too Good, And Not Good Enough: What Carlos Beltran Meant To The Mets
Carlos Beltran was not a New York Met. I don't mean this literally — Beltran's Mets career spanned six and a half seasons, from 2005 until yesterday. He was with the Mets almost exactly as long as Keith Hernandez was, and longer than Reggie Jackson was with the Yankees....

Carmelo Anthony Is The Panda Whisperer
Melo is traveling across Asia on a Nike promotional tour, and as we all know there's nothing to do in China but pose with disoriented panda cubs on your lap. Look at that thing! Its little paws joined in supplication, its little panda cloaca (or whatever) splayed to the world. Panda doesn't care abo...

This Evening: Hideki Irabu Highlights Are In High Demand
Your p.m. roundup for July 28, the day we learned only losers live in Brooklyn. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Once Upon A Time, A.C. Green, David Robinson, And Barry Sanders Made An Abstinence Video Together
If you, too, are "down with the honeys" and "the s-word," then consider heeding their early-90s call....

A Ball From Josh Beckett Touches This Child Like Nothing Else Can
Baseballs are the most important thing on earth. It's time we stopped pretending they aren't....

Hideki Irabu, Dead At 42
Irabu was found dead at his home in Los Angeles, and police are investigating it as a suicide. He last pitched in MLB for the Rangers in 2002, and most recently with an independent league team in 2009. [Asahi Shumbun]...

Serie A Owner Storms Out Of Scheduling Meeting In Most Dramatic, Italian Way Ever
Aurelio De Laurentiis, the owner and savior of the soccer club S.S.C. Napoli, is also a successful Italian film producer in his native country. So we can forgive him for his penchant for the theatrical. But mio dio, his reaction to next season's Serie A fixtures was one for the ages. ...

The Million-Dollar Monaco Fender-Bender
Mercedes, Ferrari, Porsche, Bentley, Aston Martin — five great tastes that don't go together when you smash them all together like a little kid playing with toy cars. Of course this went down in Monte Carlo, which combines all the pretentiousness of Vegas with all the pretentiousness of France....

A Poem For Albert Haynesworth, Composed Solely Of Media Descriptions
Awful Albert, Abysmal Albert: Attitude-afflicted wash-up. Massive and huge and fat and lazy and difficult....