a Page 7482 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Man U Manager Alex Ferguson Charged With Earnestly Complimenting A Referee
Sir Alex Ferguson, manager of Manchester United who recently served a five-game suspension and paid a £30,000 fine for criticizing a referee after a 2-1 loss in March, has once again been charged with improper conduct for publicly speaking about a referee....
A Panicky Column About The Scandalous Thing Serena Williams Just Did
Serena Williams did a scandalous thing recently. That she did something scandalous is no surprise; that she did something this scandalous is truly shocking....
The Bulging, Feces-Filled Sacs In Brock Lesnar's Colon As Metaphor For Brock Lesnar's MMA Career
Dana White and the UFC convened an emergency conference call yesterday to announce that human orca Brock Lesnar has come down with diverticulitis for a second time and will pull out of his fight against Junior Dos Santos at UFC 131. What, you may ask, is diverticulitis? The National Center for Biote...
Cockblocked In Thailand!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Convict Requested, Received Extra Prison Time As Larry Bird Tribute
Eric Torpy went down for armed robbery a few years back and was sentenced to 30 years in an Oklahoma prison. But if there's anything Torpy liked more than armed robbery, it's Larry Bird....
Roger Federer Lost, But He Still Managed To Do Something Only Roger Federer Can Do
Roger Federer dropped his third round Italian Open match, 4-6, 7-6 (2), 7-6 (4), to Richard Gasquet yesterday. "I definitely feel I should never have lost this match," Federer said afterwards. "I just couldn't come up with the shots." This one, of all shots, he came up with....
Skip Bayless Is Ready To Throw Down With Michael Vick Over LeBron James
Your morning roundup for May 13, the day we wondered why our census form asked for penis size. Video via Sportsfeeder....
Some Texans Wish Michelangelo Chose To Cover David's Junk, If Only For Their Innocent Children
According to this news report on KTXS, several Abilene, Texas residents are rather concerned that "a new man" moved onto their block of Lollypop Trail and plopped a statue of David and his manmeat right on the front lawn. These brave neighbors chose not to complain to the art patrons/villains next...
Today In Great Ledes And Accounts Of Recidivism
When Heather Lockwood got to work at the Petoskey News yesterday, she likely had no idea that Freeze Plus P-wielding superhero Mark Wayne Williams was about to swoop into her life. But that's the thing with the Dark Knight. You never know where he is until it's too late. He's already got you. Just ...
Your Daily Update About Horrible Scottish-Soccer Fans
Remember yesterday when a Heart of Midlothian fan wearing a Yankees hat decided to take a running swing at Celtic manager Neil Lennon?...
Your NHL Playoffs Open Thread
Game Seven. Red Wings. At Sharks. Fun fact: San Jose has already had three chances to close the series out, so they probably won't be feeling much stress in a low-pressure game....
When Is A Choke Not A Choke? A Premature Requiem For The Sharks
This is an existential question that should be on every Sharks fan's mind today: is it even a choke if everyone's expecting you to choke?...
Your NBA Playoffs Open Thread
The Chicago Bulls visit the Atlanta Hawks this evening. If the former wins, it's Chicago vs. Miami for the right to represent the NBA Eastern Conference in the NBA Championship. If the latter prevails, it's Chicago vs. Atlanta for the right to face Miami for the right to represent the NBA Eastern C...
55 Grey Goose Cocktails For Only $770! An Unscientific Analysis Of The Epic Bar Tab From Tryst In Las Vegas
A few caveats: 1.) This booze session took place in Vegas; 2.) It took place at Tryst, which for those of you fortunate enough to never have been intoxicated therein, can inflict permanent damage to the wallet. That said, this is still an impressive receipt, a full version of which you can view here...
TV Is A Helluva Drug: On Jay Mariotti And The Sportspersona Machine
The tale of Jay Mariotti, as sad and vile as it may be on the surface, isn't entirely unique. During his interview with Fox's Jason Whitlock months ago, Mariotti played off the first set of allegations as an isolated moment of rage (he was trying to "help the person [his girlfriend]," he said), an...
Kyle Lohse Impersonates Tony La Russa (And All The Shingles Headlines We Opted Against Using)
• Kyle Lohse Was Just Missing A Shingle Thing In Today's Tony La Russa Impersonation • Kyle Lohse Shingles Out La Russa For Impersonation • Kyle Lohse Puts The Final Shingle On His La Russa Impersonation • Shingle File: Today In Tony La Russa Impersonations • Living Shingle: Kyle Lohse Does Tony L...
<em>The New York Times</em> Provides The First Drug Smear Of The Baseball Season
"For the last few years," The New York Times writes in the Bartolo Colon story that we flagged earlier today, "baseball and other sports, while fighting to limit the use of performance-enhancing drugs, have been faced with a new and murky challenge: players getting sophisticated blood treatments, of...
Miami Hurricanes Message Board Poster Complains About Other Users Being Mean To Him
We like to stay out of the frightening world of college football message boards. But Danny has some things he'd like to clear up for you and the rest of the CanesTime community....
Chester Pitts Hesitated Before Calling Roger Goodell A Douche
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the lineman and player rep's reservations about crank-calling the commish....
We Are All Dave McKenna XCVII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit is slipped the cyanide pill....