a Page 7838 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Don't Celebrate Just Yet: Brilliant Strategy Tainted Win, Says Football Genius
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Well, We Found Longhorn Girl
A helpful classmate tipped us off to the young lady's name, and Deadspin Investigative Services sprung into action. There turned out to be quite the paper trail; follow it with us, won't you?...

Post Super Bowl Crime Blotter Surprisingly Tame
New Orleans mostly behaved itself Sunday evening. Just a stabbing, a sole incidence of celebratory gunfire into a crowd, and a single escaped prisoner that they didn't bother to track down until after the game....

Chris Hansen Goes For The Gold
A Polish newspaper mistakenly included among the Olympic mascots Pedobear, 4chan's lovable mascot for pedophilia. Well, some of those figure skaters are pretty young. [Telegraph]...

Execution Day For Portsmouth?
In mere hours, Portsmouth FC will go before a London high court and plead for their continued existence. Wins and losses and even relegation don't seem so important anymore....

Stop The Presses: Detroit Preferable To Somewhere
Two Shock stars, fresh from signing contract extensions, have made it known they have no intention of joining the team in making the move to Tulsa. Apparently death was not an option. [AP]...

Athlete Dong Is The New Celebrity Sex Tape
Before nude photos surfaced, only devoted NBA fans knew who George Hill was. But after — we all know his name. This can only be good for his career, and we will only see more athlete dong in the future....

Beer Is The Official Lifegiving Liquid Of Cleveland, And More Stories You Weren't Supposed To See
The Super Bowl is a black hole of news; anything non-football is quickly sucked in, never to escape into the public consciousness. Sometimes that's no accident. Here are three stories that were designed to fly under the radar....

Maybe Tiger Woods Should Hire These People To Help Him Keep His Celibacy Contract
ABC News did a piece on on sex addiction and what Tiger Woods' new life will be like as the world's number one coozehound playing golf. He should fire Stevie Williams and bring on "Da Crabs Assassin" as his caddy....

I Was There: "... And This Couple Starts Having Sex In The Window Of The Bar"
The bon temps rouler-ed all weekend long in New Orleans, and Mike was there in his bumblebee costume. We're told he's still drunk. Let's pick up his account midstream:...

How Is The Isiah Thomas Era Working Out For Florida International?
Not well: The Golden Panthers are 7-19 and "have sold a total of 1,075 individual tickets for nine home games." At least freshman Steven Miro—who turned down Columbia and Harvard to play for Thomas (seriously!)—is happy....

Erin Andrews Stalker Planned To Peep On Other Female Sports Reporters
According to the sentencing memorandum, Michael David Barrett had planned on ruining the lives of at least 30 other women — including other female sports reporters and actresses. Also, Andrews is asking for $335,000 in restitution. [TSG]...

Your Blizzard-Proof Biggest Mailbag Ever
Time for your Deadspin Open Mailbag Tuesday. Email me here or submit your questions via Twitter. This week, we're covering the miso paste test, elevators, zombies, shoveling, and more....

Dead Wrestler Of The Week: "Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig
Every week, the Masked Man, Deadspin's pro wrestling correspondent, honors the sport's fallen and examines their legacies — famous and obscure alike. Today: "Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig, who died Feb. 10, 2003, of acute cocaine intoxication....

Enraptured Saints Fans Decorate Drew Brees' Home With 'Thank You' Shrine
The front gates of Drew Brees' home near Uptown turned into one giant display of heartfelt gratitude for his quarterbacking service to Who Dat Nation. One reader, who lives close by, gave us some pictures. See more after the MORE....

Annals Of Improbable Bylines: Liz Phair In <em>The Atlantic Monthly</em>, Writing About NASCAR
The blowjob queen visits the Checker O'Reilly Auto Parts 500: "I've never been to a NASCAR race. I picture a bunch of rednecks dousing themselves with beer and slapping their wives on the ass." Strange loop, indeed. [The Atlantic]...

Nightmares Never Sleep
The chilling new Air Jordan 2010 commercial shows what it's like to guard Dwyane Wade – a nightmare. But it doesn't stop there. An online Nightmare experience challenges you to master the skills that allow D-Wade to strike fear in opponents on courts everywhere. ...

Tall Car Salesman Is One Step Closer To Forever Changing College Sports
A district court judge said yesterday that Ed O'Bannon, who sells Toyotas in Nevada when he's not revolutionizing amateur athletics, can press on with his class-action licensing suit against the NCAA. Let's just pause and marvel at this anew:...

The Curious Case Of Longhorn Girl
Who is this comely lass with the burnt-orange hair and why was she strategically placed behind the Kansas bench last night? Was she there to distract Jayhawk players from their defensive assignments or as ESPN's Valentine to lonely basketball fans?...

Can Cable/Satellite Football Conglomerates Lure Chris Berman From Bristol?
Berman could go all the way to DirectTV or the NFL Network when his ESPN contract expires? It's probably just a negotiating ploy, but it sure would be neat to see him exclusively on channels my TV doesn't have. [TBL/SbB/PFT/MSF]...