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Dead Letters: You Crossed A Major Line This Week, Canine Hitler
Subject: Racism and Pit Bulls...

The Official Deadspin Youth T-Ball League Called Its Own Shots, Staged A Staring Contest
The children of Rick from suburban Boston helped us with a little video project last spring. In return, we agreed to sponsor their T-ball league. Throughout the season, we will chronicle the league's exploits....

Cops Will Steal Your Girlfriend!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Newspaper Reporter Fired For Leaving In Bit About "Coach's Bullshit And Laziness"
Wasn't that a fun time, when a reporter at a little Louisiana newspaper accidentally left in some dummy text that made it to print. Oh, we all had a guffaw or two, yes we did. But then we moved on....

Better Know An Umpire: Dana DeMuth
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. (All cumulative statistics are through the 2011 season, unless otherwise stated.)...

The Dadspin Guide To Feeding A Baby
I have a newborn son. He needs to be fed eight times a day. Each session of feeding him takes roughly 30 minutes, 20 if I'm lucky. I am usually not lucky. That's four hours of the day dedicated to sitting in a chair with a bottle, begging the baby to drink faster. A newborn's life is dedicated to sl...

It's All Going According To (Pat Riley's) Plan
1. "Jay, it's Pat. Pat Riley? Yes, I remember when I cursed you out and told you to never, ever call me 'Pat,' and then hit you pretty good with my briefcase. How many stitches did you need? That's a lot of stitches. But we're friends, right? You can call me Pat anytime. How's Michelle?...

MLB Suspends Umpire Bob Davidson For "Repeated Violations Of Situation Handling Standards"
In what's almost certainly a response to his repeated instances of "Fuck You, Charlie" during an incident at Tuesday's Astros-Phillies game, Major League Baseball has suspended umpire Bob Davidson for one game. The press release reads:...

What Boxing Writing Can Teach Us About Everything: A.J. Liebling On Moore-Marciano
Between the Victorian era and the Sixties, boxing was a regular and prominent feature of American life. Knowing something about the fights—being good with your hands, or maintaining an opinion about the welterweight division or fixed bouts or how to beat a southpaw—was a very common piece of equipme...

Headline On Radio Station Website Unintentionally Links Robert Griffin III, Masturbation, Jay Leno
You can see how this might happen, given everything. Robert Griffin III was on The Tonight Show late last night, and he beatboxed for Jay Leno, because there's nothing RGIII can't do, you see. Washington D.C.'s all-news station had the footage, and they wanted to post it on their website this mornin...

Kegasus, The Beer-Loving Mascot Of The Beer-Loving Preakness, Is Actually A Sober Phony
What's the saying? If you'll keg stand for something, you'll fall for anything? Promoters of the Preakness Stakes must believe it. Turns out that Kegasus, spokesbeast for the Preakness and the best mascot in all of sports, is a sham....

Here's Every Single Pitch Of Jose Canseco's Worcester Tornadoes Debut (Spoiler: It Didn't Go Well)
Intrepid tipster Kevin M. dutifully recorded every single pitch of Jose Canseco's long-awaited, much-anticipated, expectations-shattering debut tonight with the independent Worcester Tornadoes, who traveled south to face the Newark Bears. Alas, America's favorite semi-retired, ball-playing hug mac...

Man Busted By Reporter For Parking Illegally: "Fuck You. I Hope You Get AIDS."
It's local news sweeps time again, which means reporters are on the prowl with their I-Teams to trump up whatever tired outrage hasn't been covered recently. Fecal matter in iced tea? Eyewitness News is on your side! Cops eating doughnuts and drinking coffee on the job? The I-Team is there!...

Here's Another "Call Me Maybe" Parody, But This One's About Tom Brady
It would appear the "Call Me Maybe" parody video phenomenon has finally run its course. Thank you, Zack Murray. You've done your nation a great service. (Frankly, we're surprised those Harvard guys didn't think of this first.)...

Deadspin Up All Night: Alone And Forsaken
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Stay tuned for Erik, and come back tomorrow....

Jonathan Papelbon Is Now Referring To Himself In The Third Person As "Cinco"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: That's short of Cinco Ocho, of course....
![Today's Diamondbacks-Rockies Game Was Delayed Due To Bees. Lots Of Bees. [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17mxy031xa9hdjpg.jpg)
Today's Diamondbacks-Rockies Game Was Delayed Due To Bees. Lots Of Bees. [UPDATE]
A swarm of bees delayed today's Arizona-Colorado game in Denver for several minutes during the top of the fifth inning, as the mass of winged insects invaded the first base line and Rockies' dugout before eventually gathering near a photographers' well on the the right field line....

Newspaper's HS Softball Season Wrap-Up Includes No Stats, "Due To The Coach's Bullshit And Laziness."
So this is one of those Twitter things, without much backstory. (We saw it here first.) But the team in question is the Rayne (Louisiana) High Lady Wolves, the coach is Deserea Dunn, and the paper is, we think, the Rayne Independent. The Lady Wolves crashed out of the district playoffs last month, s...

You Will Eat 30 Bowls Of Cereal A Day (And 11 Other Things You Should Know Before Going To College)
I got this letter from Funbag reader Anthony, which seemed rather timely:...

Eric Hassli's Stoppage Time Volley Proved The Existence Of A Canadian Rocket Program
While the Voyageurs Cup may be one of soccer's less-prestigious trophies, claiming it in the Canadian Championship does have its rewards: specifically, an invite to the CONCACAF Champions League. Last night's first leg between Whitecaps and Toronto FC in Vancouver looked like an upset 1-0 win by t...