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Pete Carroll Pleads With LeBron, Because Apparently The Seahawks Need His Help To Underachieve
Your morning roundup for Oct. 13, the day we learned just how dangerous some sex toys can be. Photo via @PeteCarroll. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Philly Fans Stop Puking On Santa's Daughter Long Enough To Boo Sidney Crosby Anti-Cancer Ad
"During Wednesday night's game against the Vancouver Canucks, the Philadelphia Flyers played a Hockey Fights Cancer commercial between periods inside Wells Fargo Center. Featured in the video were players like Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins, Jonathan Toews of the Chicago Blackhawks and R...

Some Folks Play Dice For Money On The Subway Near The Pentagon
Tipster Cyrus the Virus was kind enough to record and send in some video he captured of a subway floor dice game last night. Unfortunately, he put the camera down before one player broke every rule that Ashy Larry has ever championed by making a scene when the dice fell wrong....

Here's Chad McGhee With Your Weekly Knox City Greyhounds Update And Bye-Week Wrestling Extravaganza
The mighty Knox City Greyhounds scrapped back to within a game of .500 on this roller coaster of a season with a resounding 56-8 over pathetic Vernon Northside. It wasn't all lollypops and unicorns, superfan Chad McGhee reported earlier today, though....

Chad Ochocinco Hopes You'll Be Patient If He's On Your Fantasy Football Team
After five games, New England Patriots wide receiver has caught nine passes for a total of 136 yards. Somehow, this ties into the time he lost his virginity....

Your Brewers-Cardinals, Weather-Permitting Game Three Open Thread
Tonight, Yovani Gallardo of the Brewers will face off against fake-ass Chris Carpenter of the Cardinals in a NLCS tied at one a piece. Gallardo isn't very good against the Cardinals, per a St. Louis newspaper and numbers. Meanwhile, Carpenter "has had hiccups" against the Brewers, per a Milwaukee n...

ESPN Employee Denies ESPN Report That Said ESPN Employee Was Offered A Consulting Job With The Eagles
Sal Paolantonio reported one of those stories this morning that forced Philly's football media to ask the kind of question Eagles coach Andy Reid might actually have to answer. According to Sal Pal, the Eagles had tried to bring in former Browns coach (and current ESPN analyst) Eric Mangini to jog ...

Your Rangers-Tigers Game Four Open Thread
The Rangers were up 2-0 on Detroit in the ALCS, cruising to the World Series yet again, until they slammed full-speed into the immovable force that is Doug Fister's right arm. Hi-ya, the Tigers swung that momentum, your local sports columnist probably wrote....

Terrelle Pryor: "I Should Be On The Field Helping" Ohio State
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Regrets, Pryor's had a few....

Now Kevin Youkilis Is Maybe Dating Tom Brady's Sister, According To Mysteriously Deleted Article
The Boston Herald went to sleep proud of itself for landing the scoop that Theo Epstein is on his way to Chicago. They woke up to the Globe's comprehensive hit on the hard-partying 2011 Red Sox that's the only topic in town....

SprtsCntr: The Boston Media, According To Nomar Garciaparra
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

The Philadelphia Eagles' Dream Is Still Alive
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....

Adrian Beltre Was All Set To Tackle Miguel Cabrera
Your morning roundup for Oct. 12, the day we learned that charming door-to-door breast examiner turned out to be a phony. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Phoenix Jones Is The Hero Seattle Deserves But Doesn't Need Right Now
Gawker weighed in on this earlier today, but it bears repeating and updating....

Today In "Bus Driver Gets Stabbed By Masturbating Passenger" News
"Authorities say the driver was picking up passengers at the Silver Spring station when he was told by several patrons that a man in the back of the bus had exposed himself and was masturbating. The driver asked the man to stop. As the bus approached the Wheaton station, police say the man got into...

Bryan Stow Has Left The Hospital
It's great that Bryan Stow is getting transferred from a hospital to a long-term rehabilitation center more than six months after getting beaten into a coma outside Dodger Stadium. Especially when the San Francisco Chronicle story about it contains this vignette:...

Your Rangers-Tigers ALCS Game Three Open Thread
The ALCS arrives in Detroit tonight with the Texas Rangers up 2-0 on the hometown Tigers. Colby Lewis (postseason: 1-0, 1.50 ERA) is pitching for the Rangers; Doug Fister (1-1, 6.52) for the Tigers. But, Lewis had problems with the Tigers this year, and Fister notched a big win over the Rangers, so...

The Tobacco Farmer With The "Ol' Soupbone" And The Baseball Achievement That Will Last Forever
SI's Chris Ballard and Kotaku's Owen Good have teamed up to tell the story of minor-league pitcher Jack Swift, whose last-chance season and remarkable feats from 60 years ago are only now becoming known. You should go read it. [Sports Illustrated]...

Rex Ryan Responds To Reports Of Wide Receiver Mutiny
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Lieutenant Bligh Rex Ryan says everything's hunky-dory....

Was Steve Jobs A Glory Hog?
Before we get to the Funbag, a quick reminder that I will be at New York Comic Con on Friday morning, hosting the "Zombies, Fallen Angels, and Other Paranormals" panel in Room 1A23 at the Javits Center. What's that? You were going to go to the Final Fantasy XIII-2 panel? What are you, some kind of f...