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Here's Chad McGhee With Your Weekly Knox City Greyhounds Update
As you probably already know, the Knox City Greyhounds lost their season opener to Crowell 47-36....

Today In Awful Stories Involving Fiery Decapitation
When York County (Va.) Sheriff Danny Diggs says things like "Nobody has ever heard of anything like this. It's a really bizarre incident," people listen. As well they should....

Wade Belak, Another NHL Enforcer, Found Dead (UPDATE: A Suicide, According To <em>Toronto Sun</em>)
Longtime NHL defenseman Wade Belak, who spent much of his career with the Maple Leafs, was found dead at 35 today in his Toronto hotel, according to a report from QMI Agency in Canada....

BCS Head Says A Playoff Wouldn't Work Because When FCS Teams Do It, They Don't Sell Out
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Bill Hancock seems to forget that those are FCS school and no one cares to begin with....

High School Football Team Penalized For Excessive Celebration In Tribute To Dead Friend
Well, here's a sad story with no redeeming value to it! In Louisville, Ohio last Friday, the local high school football team came from behind to score a go-ahead touchdown with just over a minute remaining. This is the good part....

Michael Vick's $100 Million Contract Is A Lie
Everything you need to know about the NFL and its courtier press can be summed up in a single sentence: Michael Vick's much-heralded "$100 million deal" is not a $100 million deal, and the widely reported "$40 million guaranteed" is in fact neither $40 million nor completely guaranteed. ...

This Slip ’N Slide/Human Slingshot Video Makes You Realize You Wasted Your Summer
So much fun. So many horn riffs. It's like an old Newports ad....

As If Things Weren't Bad Enough For The Mets, R.A. Dickey Has Now Chosen To Dress Like Obi-Wan Kenobi
Of course, the Mets are now exploring reanimating Alec Guinness' corpse and signing him as a knuckleballer, too. [Photo via @RADickey43]...

What ESPN Will Be Talking About Today: Your Complete Source For Complete Yankees Complete Red Sox Completely
We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

You Still Can't Look At A Danny Woodhead Press Conference Photo Without Thinking "Awww..."
Don't worry: Danny says his head still feels fine and he will scamper his way into the back-pocket of America again real soon. Aww. [Rich Eisen]...

BEARS!!! At The Rangers Game, Yo
Your morning roundup for Aug. 31, the day we spent way too much time reading about the Yarn Harlot's visit to this year's Sock Summit. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors. [Photo: MOCKSESSION, obvs.]...

Taylor Swift Duetting With Nicki Minaj On "Super Bass" Is Perhaps The Greatest Thing To Happen To Pop Music This Summer
Deadspin once said some very nasty things about Taylor Swift. We now want to say some nice things about Taylor Swift....

Washington Man, Stung By Bee, Decides To Pour Gasoline All Over The Beehive And Blow It Up
Those damned bees. They sting you, and perhaps you get particularly swollen, and somewhat irritated, and then your summer day is ruined and you've got a moderate-sized welt on your arm....

West Virginia Man Who Went Streaking Near NASCAR Race Also Caught With Live Raccoon
Joshua Emery Greene looks bemused in the mugshot featured in the above video. We find this an appropriate emotion, because we're bemused too. Why did he go streaking in a parking lot off Route 394 in Bristol, Tennessee, where the Irwin Tools Night Race took place on Saturday? And why was he carryi...

The Lead Singer Of Iron Maiden Will Fly Folks Stranded By The Hurricane To Iceland
One thing I've learned, as I've slumped into adulthood, is that you may have dear friends, but none of them are as reliable as aging English rock stars. Such as Iron Maiden's Bruce Dickinson, who will do a nice thing for a bunch of Icelanders stranded in New York by Hurricane Irene....

Wild Mushroom Dong Is The Dongiest Unintentional Dong We've Ever Seen
Reader MissBullEsq sends in perhaps the most phallic flora we've seen in some time....

This Evening: The Giant Fish Tank That Doubles As A Headboard On Chad Ochocinco's Bed
Your p.m. roundup for Aug. 30, the day we learned you weren't comfortable knowing you were our masturbation fodder. Photo courtesy Shutdown Corner, via Sportress of Blogitude. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Dad Of The Year Referees Son's Street Fight, Attacks Kid After Son Loses
Before we dive in, let's play Ohio Or Florida! It's Florida....

Ed Hochuli Says The Beach Is *Flexes* THATAWAY
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the muscliest of refs talks about the new rule changes....

Man Drops Pruning Shears, Falls Eyesocket-First Onto Pruning Shears
Here is how this awful awful gross awful thing happened: an 86-year-old Arizona man dropped his pruning shears, which landed pointy-side down. Bending to pick them up, he lost his balance and went face-first into them....