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Your USA-Japan World Cup Final Open Thread
USA lineup: Solo; Krieger, Rampone, Buehler, LePeilbet; O'Reilly, Boxx, Lloyd, Rapinoe; Wambach, Cheney. Let's go get it, girls....
![Jay Mariotti Some Dude Impersonating Jay Mariotti Says US Women's Team Was Unpopular, Unpretty In School [CORRECTION]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17pywshl5osm1jpg.jpg)
Jay Mariotti Some Dude Impersonating Jay Mariotti Says US Women's Team Was Unpopular, Unpretty In School [CORRECTION]
Your morning roundup for July 17, the day we welcomed back the best show on TV. See anything worthwhile? Tip your editors. Via Jay Mariotti's Facebook, h/t to Justin....

Stories That Don't Suck: SportsFeat's Guide To Hoops In A Foreign Land
Every week, SportsFeat picks a few great reads for Deadspin. Thanks to Yao Ming's retirement and Deron Williams's Turkish tour, here are some classics on the foreign wanderings of professional basketball players. Enjoy....

The NL Central Standings Look Like A Misprint, But Pittsburgh's Really In First
Your morning roundup for July 16, the day we wondered who was giving all thatmoney to Michele Bachmann. See anything worthwhile? Tip your editors....

Arian Foster Stays In Shape By Riding A Mechanical Bull While Jared From Subway Looks On
Houston Texans running back Arian Foster rode a mechanical bull for a Subway-promotion-cum-charity-thing on Thursday. Jared looked on, with some other dude, and perhaps no one else....

Dook Sisters Go To Court Over Who's Dookier
The daughter of a Duke alumnus has filed a lawsuit against her sister, her brother-in-law, and Duke University for her inherited right to sit among these fine young men and women at Cameron Indoor Stadium all season long. Katina Dorton is seeking damages for the "fraudulent transfer" of two season t...

Anyone Want A Life-Size Wall Decal Of Dan Gilbert's Bowtied Son?
Nick Gilbert, the breathing, five-foot talisman that charmed Cleveland to Kyrie Iring in May, wowed us with his snazzy enthusiasm at the lottery....

The Dangers Of Handjobs From Softball Players
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Mike Leach: "ESPN Isn’t Going To Let Little Inconvenient Details Like Facts Get In The Way Of Their Agenda"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Leach is the only one not under a gag order....

Reno Mahe, Who Once Returned Kicks, Now Allegedly Takes Gasoline
Reno Mahe spent five years in the NFL, all with the Philadelphia Eagles, for whom he was mainly a return man. Now, authorities in Salt Lake City say he took nearly $2,700 in gasoline by using a friend's corporate account. The 31-year-old spent a little time in jail Thursday after being charged with ...

Prince Fielder Really Needs To Borrow Your Sunglasses
Your morning roundup for July 15, the day we forgot....

1989's Back Again, In The SkyDome Opening That Featured Thousands Of Canadians Capering About, Plus Alan Thicke
Toronto's Rogers Centre was introduced in June 1989 as the SkyDome, at a time when the name "SkyDome" suggested an exciting future full of retractable roofs and mud-free Argonauts games, which we'd have to agree are two of the greatest developments of the past twenty-plus years....

Even Rodney Harrison Thinks James Harrison Is An Angry Person
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: when even the league's dirtiest player is offended, maybe you've gone too far....

Mets Reliever Taylor Buchholz, On DL For Depression, Says He Felt Bad Crying To Another Man
Taylor Buchholz—who was actually decent in 26 relief innings for the Mets this year—is on the DL with depression. This is not altogether unusual: note Khalil Greene and Dontrelle Willis. What's unusual is the way Buchholz described his condition and the way AOL Patch explained his condition further....

Despite Jeff Novitzky's Life's Work, Cheating At Sports Is Still Not A Crime
Jeff Novitzki was an IRS agent. Not an avenging angel sent from above, nor an earthly crusader for all that is good and pure in America, but a bureaucrat. Somewhere along the way he got it into his mind that it was his job and his job alone (and his only job) to eradicate the peril of steroids in sp...

The Miami Heat Are World Champions Of Doing Whatever It Takes To Defeat Children In Knockout
We'll give Dwyane Wade credit for taking a more playful approach to the game than his teammate, but my god, these guys just won't lose! (Except for those times that they lost.)...

Harry Potter Versus Star Wars: The Final Judgment
The final Harry Potter movie opens up this week, and all week long people have been saying "goodbye" to the franchise. Lots of crying in your butterbeer and all that....

Brian Wilson Wore A Skin-Tight Tuxedo Onesie To The ESPYs
Your morning roundup for July 14, the day we watch Dog get shaken down by bro with a camera in Colorado....

Here's Video Of A Brawl At A California Denny's (NSFW)
It's difficult to decide what's worse: the racist bile in the video description on YouTube or the ladyfriend's screeching. Ladies and gentlemen, the Laguna Hills, Cal. Denny's. Shit gets real when girlfriend charges a foe 53 seconds in....

Parents Of Armless, Legless Aspiring Cheerleader Claim "Scoring Errors" Kept Her Off The Squad
If what the Omaha World-Herald says is true, 16-year-old Julia Sullivan "likes to dance [and] wants to get people excited for games." Following those passions, she tried out to join her friends on the cheerleading squad not once, not twice, but three times....