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Michelle Obama Teaches You How To Dougie
We were wondering if our President and First Lady could do anything to top what just might be The Best Week Ever In Presidential History. And then Michelle Obama went ahead and did the Dougie. This, you should know, as a potentially tax-paying American, is a part of the "Let's Move!" campaign and ...

Your NBA Playoffs Open Thread
Two second-round NBA Game Twos to watch this evening: Celtics-Heat at 7, and Grizz-Thunder at 9:30, both on TNT....

Your NHL Playoffs Open Thread
Two second-round games tonight for your viewing pleasure: Caps and Lightning, which appears on your Versus right about now, and the Canucks and Preds, which will be on at nine, 10 p.m. Halifax time....

Your Barcelona-Real Madrid Cuarto Clásico Open Thread
This one's for all the skittles. Real Madrid must overcome a two-goal deficit in Barcelona to get into the Champions League final. No easy task, not when Barcelona defends by keeping possession. The clásicos have been oddly disappointing so far, as Brian Phillips points out at Slate:...

Your Special Edition Dead Bin Laden Funbag
Before we get to your letters, kudos to TMZ for asking if Obama had victory sex on Sunday Night. Because he totally should have. His seaman should have conducted a forceful raid of his wife's compound to celebrate that news....

One Nation, Under Jimmer
Your morning roundup for May 3, the day certain Canadians declared they're moving to Greenland....

Here's A Boston Bruin Doing A Swan Dive Into The Boards
Adam McQuaid with the Bobby Orr into the boards, on a strange play where he might have been trying to go high on Mike Richards but got his stick caught. Down for a while, McQuaid left on skates with an assist from teammates. He won't return to the game....

The Internet Has Already Killed Osama Bin Laden Getting Killed
It's been, what — 20 hours since President Obama approached the microphone to deliver the news that Osama bin Laden had been captured and killed? But the internet has not rested. The internet has produced its usual batch of meme videos, including keyboard cat, Taiwanese animation, and of course, t...

College Students Celebrate Bin Laden's Death With Patriotic Backflips, Nudity, Beer: A Gallery
In celebration of the fact that Osama bin Laden was announced dead last night, American college students everywhere took it upon themselves to riot in the streets, drunkenly yell their college rally chants on national television, and light couches on fire. Oh, America....

In Which The Patriots President Blames The Lockout On The Players With A Straight Face
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: seriously, if you buy this, you should be dragged out into the street and shot....

An Essay About Osama Bin Laden's Death, Constructed Entirely Out Of Athletes' Tweets
SOURCES: OSAMA BIN LADEN IS DEAD!!! WATCHING CNN NOW... THE PRESIDENT TO ADDRESS THE NATION SHORTLY... I got off the plane,went in my hotel rm, turned on TV, saw all those people outside the WH and thought "did the Skins win another SB?" LOL. Osama Bin Laden dead????? Whoa!!!! Osama Bin Laden Dead. ...

Why Yes, One Cleveland Writer Did Make Osama Bin Laden's Death About LeBron James
And it wasn't Scott Raab (yet)....

They're Still Playing That Crazy-Ass, Everything-At-Once Sport Called Kronum
Hickey went and checked out a new rec league for the fledgling sport-clusterfuck Kronum just outside of Philadelphia over the weekend. "Here's what I ask people," founder Bill Gibson tells the Metro. "Do you listen to your grandparents' music? Well, why are you playing your grandparents' sports?" [M...

Snapshot Of America: A Scene From The Philadelphia Crowd
Says reader Scott, who sent this in: "a red-faced, toothless whiskey tango of a Phillies fan taking a pack of Camels back from his kid is quite outstanding." Yes, yes he is. Click to enlarge for your full-size commemorative edition screengrab....

Guy Who Is Not Even Suing Anyone Says Roger McDowell Made His Kid Cry
Roger McDowell is kind of a dick. You may have suspected this had you seen Gloria Allred's mildly erotic press conference last week. And you may have guessed it, too, when MLB suspended him yesterday for two weeks, without pay. But a few of you probably held reservations (because of Allred, because ...

If MLB Pulls This Video, They Hate America
Your morning roundup for May 2, the day Fox News kept being wrong....

Osama Bin Laden Is Dead, Professional Wrestler Declares In Most American Video Ever
And then John Cena holds up his championship belt, and "The Stars and Stripes Forever" starts playing over the speakers. Everything about this is perfect, right down to the guy shouting, "We won." [via @SherwoodStrauss]...

Your NHL Playoffs Open Thread
Both the San Jose Sharks and Tampa Bay Lightning attempt to take two-game leads in their respective playoff series. For the Sharks, that'd mean holding rink against the Detroit Red Wings. For the Lightning, that'd mean heading south only needing to win two of three home games against the Washington...

Before Returning To Lockout Mode, Every NFL Franchise Decided Against Drafting A Bone-Cancer Survivor
Your morning roundup for May 1, the day after Seth Meyers said Weekend Update stuff to people's faces....

Armless Man To Throw Ceremonial First Pitch At Tonight's Dodgers Game
As part of his "Pitch for Awareness" national tour, Tom Willis will throw out the first pitch at tonight's Dodgers/Padres game. He'll do so with one of his feet, on account of the fact that he was born without arms. ("I don't have the greatest pitching speed in the world. My style is heave it and ...