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Jimmie Johnson's Crew Chief: "You Gotta Be Fucking Kidding Me," To National Fox Audience
In all fairness, the car Chad Knaus was watching did appear to, you know, blow up at tonight's Coca-Cola 600. Johnson finished 28th. Kevin Harvick won, after Dale Earnhardt, Jr., who was leading, ran out of gas on the last lap. I'm told it's quite expensive these days....

Your Royal Race Wedding/Coca-Cola 600 Open Thread
Linda Ward and Greg Waters met a year ago when fate pitched their tents in close proximity to one another at Charlotte Motor Speedway's Peninsula Campground. Yesterday, the gushing jail nurse and truck driver became one at their "Royal Race Wedding."...

Here's Video Of Smoke From Last Night's "Small Fire" At Dodger Stadium
Sometimes you have to start with nothing to end up with something. So, is the whole "insurance claim/burning the stadium down" angle offered by the Dodgers fans filming clouds of smoke at Dodger Stadium last night entirely unthinkable?...

Your Indianapolis 500 Open Thread
Grand Marshal Anderson Cooper and the Indianapolis 500 Festival Princesses drew much attention on the red carpet outside the Snake Pit Ball. Jim Nabors, REO Speedwagon and the Chinese brought happiness to those attending the IPL 500 Festival Parade. Plus, there's a fancy car race today....

FC Barcelona Proved They Were The Best Team In All Of Professional Sports Yesterday
Your morning roundup for May 29, the day Roger Ebert inexplicably gave two thumbs down to those who blatantly allowed two eyes to check out two foreign boobs....

German Women Adept At Milking Cows, Plowing Fields Vie For Calendar-Modeling Gig
Two hundred women applied but just 25 made the first cut. From there, the Hamburg Chamber of Trade will whittle down the list to determine who has what it takes to represent not only a nation, but a way of life, in the 2012 German Farm Girls Calendar....

Your Barcelona/Manchester United Open Thread
Best I can tell from the handy 'Countdown to UEFA Champions League Wembley London Final 2011,' the FC Barcelona v. Manchester United game should kick-off at precisely 2:45 p.m. eastern. It's a match between the two best club teams on earth, worthy of not only U.S. network coverage but a day when th...

Hockey Player Misses Five Minutes Of Game Time With Broken Face, Returns In Time For Season-Losing Goal
Your morning roundup for May 29, the day after death told the world that the puffy-faced Grandma Bandit was actually a man....

Cockblocked By The Mentally Disabled!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Pete Rose Doesn't Want To Be Dead Before He Gets Into The Hall Of Fame
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Pete sounds a little desperate....

Seattle-Area Cheerleaders Up To Their Old Diapered, Hot-Dog-Slappin' Tricks
Scene: waning springtime in the Seattle metro area. Local cheerleaders, presumably led by Parker Posey, now up to no good with the school year coming to an end, their youth and beauty fading. Their tools: diapers and hot dogs....

The Miami Heat Appear To Have Messed Up the <em>Gears of War 3</em> Hype Train
LeBron James, first you upset the people of Cleveland by abandoning their basketball team. Now you've helped the Miami Heat beat the Chicago Bulls in five games, closing the series out last night with an 83-80 victory. That means there's… [Kotaku] ...

Mets Manager Just As Dumb As Mets Owners, Carlos Beltran Is His Whore
Any of you know what the hell this means? Backward, defeatist: these are your New York Mets, with their fearless skipper leading the charge....

Here's The Video Where LeBron James Takes Flopping To Heretofore Unseen Levels
Your morning roundup for May 27, the day it helps to have a background in mathematics if you want to work for Pauly Shore. Video H/T Allen W...

Today In Great Quotes ...
Kim Fender, the longtime library executive director in Cincinnati, was asked to comment on an "investigative report" which found more than 700 criminal charges filed in incidents at libraries outside of Carl Monday's reach. It included the recent arrest of Jamaica Hill who, with a guyfriend, was c...

The Handrail Slide Turns Deadly At Coors Field
A 27-year-old man died on Wednesday from injuries sustained in a fall as he was attempting to slide down a railing at Coors Field. Robert Seamans of Pueblo, Colo., was a committed Rockies fan. He was taken to Denver Health Medical Center immediately after the accident, where he was declared brain-de...

This Gaming Geek Shall Inherit <em>MLB 2K11</em>'s Million-Dollar Prize
Before setting off to claim a million-dollar bounty offered by MLB 2K11, Brian Kingrey did an analysis. He pored over batting averages, compared pitcher strengths and tendencies, examined the probable starters for the contest's opening day and the batting orders… [Kotaku] ...

Look, Someone Asked Tim Hardaway About Joakim Noah's Potty Mouth
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Hardaway minces words....

Today, The Rangers Gave Ron Washington A Shitty Cadillac For A Not Shitty Reason
"Sugar" Ron Washington, everybody's favorite AL West manager, received the keys to a Cadillac at home plate today. Only it wasn't one of those shiny new Cadillacs that one might receive for managing a team to an AL pennant. The Dallas Observer explains:...

Listen To Allen Iverson Recall His Crossover On Jordan, And Other Wonders From Those Who Break Ankles
The New York Times has a great video today that features some of the best crossover artists to ever play the game. One of the highlights is hearing Iverson, who just looks overjoyed to be talking about better times, reminisce about his famous '97 crossover against Michael Jordan — and that's layered...