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Extremely Intoxicated Priest Offered Himself Up As Sex Slave To Some Cops
When Brimfield Township, Ohio police came up upon the Very Reverend Canon Ignatius J. Kury, Pastor the other night, the holy man was laying down in the back seat of his ride, hammered. This much was confirmed when he blew three times the legal limit. That's around the time that they decided to star...

Undercut On Breakaway Dunk Leaves High Schooler Temporarily Paralyzed
Alex Etherington, a 6'5" small forward at Hamilton Heights High School in Indiana, had an open look at the basket just minutes into a game against Peru High on Saturday. The score was just 2-0, but a Peru player still attempted to stop Etherington's dunk attempt with a vicious undercut push from b...

A-Rod Is Still Being Hand-Fed Popcorn
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Rodriguez wants you to believe he has a sense of humor....

Watch Coach K Throw A Chair
It was senior day at Cameron Indoor Stadium last night, and the Blue Devils honored their three seniors with a 70-59 win over Clemson. But the first half didn't go exactly as Coach K foresaw it, and he attempted to inspire and/or terrify his players by throwing a folding chair during a timeout. In...

Rich Eisen Sets Personal Best In The 40, Still Loses To Slowest NFL Combine Participant
Your morning roundup for March 3, the day NFL lockout talk gets real....

The Jimmer Young University Jimmers Are "Not Just A One-Man Team," Says Jimmer
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Jimmy-Jam deals with Brandon Davies being cast into the outer darkness....

Deadspin Presents An Interpretive Rendering Of Cal Ripken Jr.'s Young Adult Book
We received an email from Cal Ripken Jr.'s publicity team at Random House, which will release his three-CD audiobook, HOTHEAD, next Tuesday. HOTHEAD (the caps are apparently intentional) is about a Babe Ruth League shortstop named Connor Sullivan and is "loosely based on challenges Ripken himself ...

Without Good Faith: Explaining The Critical Ruling Against The NFL
In briefest terms, a federal judge's ruling found that the NFL's curious broadcast contracts for the 2011 season amount to a "war chest" the league improperly obtained specifically for a lockout. But what does this mean for fans, players and owners, and what happens next? Let's try to make a very co...

U Of Memphis Dance Team Member Goes Apeshit After Winning National Championship
The University of Memphis hip hop dance team won the Universal Dance Association's college title in January, after this riveting performance at ESPN's Wide World of Sports Complex in Orlando. When the results were announced, they were excited. Overwhelmingly excited. But YouTube commenter justinky...

1987 NBA Commercial Will Excite You With Smooth Jazz Stylings
Your morning roundup for March 2, the day universal health care finally failed....

The Atletico Junior Owl Is Gone, But His Memory Soars With Us Siempre
When owls die, they usually die peacefully, like round-headed noble angels. Except this owl, which miraculously withstood being pelted by a soccer ball, then a cleat to the torso, before it finally died on a cold gurney surrounded by men in scrubs frantically yanking on its wings. We say farewell....

Mets Ask For $50 Million More In Loans, Tell Mom They're Doing Fine, Just Need Some Money To Join A Gym
On Friday, we learned that the Mets had received $25 million in funding from Bud Selig's secret piggybank, on top of $75 million they'd already borrowed from Major League Baseball. Surely this meant the Wilpon family would finally have to explore selling the team. Or at the very least turn themselve...

Look, That Greg Anthony Retweet About Getting "Fucked In The Ass Or The Throat" Was Spam, OK?
It's gone now, but ESPN's Greg Anthony apparently had an interesting retweet this morning:...

How Roger Ebert And Charlie Sheen Will Help You Overcome Your Fear Of Death
Let's get right to your letters. I'm full of tiger blood....

The First Look At The Mustachioed Mopper From Texas
Your morning roundup for March 1, the day Charlie Sheen rode a mercury surfboard on the media tsunami....

Newark Is The Only City That Can Make An Athlete Happy To Move To Utah
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Devin Harris is glad to be out of Jersey....

Reporter With Giant Balls Breaks Up Street Fight
Gonzo journalism at its finest, as Seattle reporter Shomari Stone stumbles across the beginning of a fight on Seattle's waterfront as he's filming his standup. Stone jumps in and stops the fight, something that pansy Murrow never would have done....

How A Bad NCAA Rule Could Make Football's Concussion Crisis Even Worse
Sun Devils quarterback Steven Threet suffered two concussions last season, and he’s officially had his brain knocked against his skull five times in four years of college football. Last week, the Michigan transfer announced that, to avoid any long-term damage to his mental health, he will forgo his ...

The Unique Challenge Of The NHL Trade Deadline: Twitter Impostors
The deadline is minutes away, but already the NHL has seen some major movement: Brad Richards to the Leafs, Marty Reasoner to the Canucks, Dustin Penner to the Canadiens...oh wait, none of those moves actually happened. They were all reported by fake Twitter accounts impersonating hockey writers, an...

Dicky Eklund Does The Ali Shuffle In Sugar Ray Leonard's Mug
Christian Bale won an Oscar last night for his portrayal in "The Fighter" of Dicky Eklund, the former New England welterweight champion who got hooked on crack, went to prison then resurrected himself as a trainer, most notably for his brother Micky Ward. During his acceptance speech, Bale ordered...