1987 NBA Commercial Will Excite You With Smooth Jazz Stylings

Your morning roundup for March 2, the day universal health care finally failed.

•And then there was Jimmer. BYU's leading big man Brandon Davies was kicked off the team for an unspecified violation of the school's honor code. At BYU this could be anything from getting a girl pregnant to having a smooth, refreshing sip of Dr Pepper.

•In a huge ruling for the NFLPA, a federal judge concluded that the NFL can't hoard TV revenue this year because it illegally made long-term broadcast deals in order to give itself leverage in a lockout. We'll see how eager the league is to negotiate, now that it might not be able to touch that $4 billion.

•The Orlando Sentinel frames the Magic's 116-110 win over the Knicks as a victory for gritty, homegrown, small-market teams against the big bad large-market teams. Expect another year-and-a-half of this, until Dwight Howard leaves in free agency, and then expect another six years of it.

• Chris Carpenter left the game with a strained hamstring, which he describes as minor. Still, between Wainwright out, a disgruntled Pujols and now a gimpy Carpenter, the Cardinals have all the potential for a complete meltdown this season. We honestly can't wait to see who La Russa blames it on.

•The trick shot craze has reached the long-snappers. Somewhat counterintuitive, because the only time we notice long snappers, it's because they fucked up in a game.

•SI's big cover story today delves into public records and finds that among the preseason top 25 college football teams, seven percent of players have been charged with or cited for a crime. This is obviously shocking, because in the general population, that number falls precipitously to...6.6 percent.

• Carson Palmer told friends he "will never set foot in Paul Brown Stadium again." Considering the Cardinals play in Cincinnati next season, I wouldn't totally count that out.

A few stories you might've missed.

Usury: The Mets are looking for another loan to prop up their hemorrhaging finances. The problem is, the only collateral they have is: the Mets.

Hollywood: Christian Bale has made a career of portraying people you wouldn't want to be. But you really, really don't want to be Dicky Eklund.

Burder: Farewell Atletico Junior Owl; may a choir of voles lead you to Paradise. And may your bird murderer face the full fury of the law: a $26 fine.