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Nice Of The Australian Open To Hire An Albino As Line Judge
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day...

Look, Maria Sharapova Has A New Dress!
The Australian Open starts tomorrow, with Rafael Nadal going for a not-quite Grand Slam. It's "not-quite" because while he'd win a fourth consecutive grand slam, it's not in the same season and Rod Laver won't let that historical-aggression stand....

Finally, Your Jets/Patriots Open Thread
"Awful" Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe makes a damn good point in his game-day column:...

Your Appetizer Bears/Seahawks Open Thread
The Seattle Seahawks are playing for the right to host the NFC Championship Game [Post Intelligencer]. So are the Chicago Bears, but they're supposed to win so Zorn's old side is playing footloose and fancy free. [Chicago Tribune]...

Be Joe Buck's Sidekick At The Super Bowl
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.(PHOTO:)...

Your Shiny Happy Discotheque Falcons/Packers Open Thread
Falcons Owner Arthur Blank is happy that "we're a relevant team in the NFL now." Meanwhile, in Green Bay, Packers defensive coordinator Dom Capers "continues to impress friends, colleagues."...

There's A Really Tall Jamaican Girl Roaming Philadelphia This Weekend
It's hard out there for 6-foot-11 high-school-junior gals. People gawk. Of course, there's probably solace on the basketball court. Because people gawk while you learn how to totally dominate. Like Marvadene Anderson from Rutgers Prep is trying to do....

Your Ravens/Steelers Trilogy Open Thread
The NFL doesn't like when its serfs talk trash to one another. In fact, They've warned against it out of respect for The Game. Way to try to sap the life out of a potentially stellar blood-rival game, Rog....

Your "Duke = No. 2 At Best" College Basketball Open Thread
In today's Top 25 matchups, Missouri heads to Texas A&M and Illinois is at Wisconsin....

When You Wear A Self-Sexually Suggestive Hockey Sweater, People Make Assumptions
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Brady Hoke Will Change Michigan's Culture Of Losing And Not Tucking In Shirts
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Michigan Man Michigan Man Michigan Man....

Cockblocked By Your Own Psyche!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

What We Talk About When We Talk About Joe Theismann Calling Danny Woodhead "Woodcock"
Nothing. He was probably just thinking of the movie, or maybe a penis. Also, it's not that funny....

Is This The Most Dick Move Imaginable In Sports?
There's nothing lower in pro spots than going for the groin. Alex Burrows went five-hole on Marc Staal last night, and, yes, the guy with the crushed testes got called for the penalty....

Proud Cubs Groupie Says Blame Her, Not Bartman
A wannabe reality TV cleat chaser says she was out "drinking and hooking up" with members of the Cubs until 4 a.m. the night before the 2003 NLCS game 7. Why yes, she did go to Arizona State, how'd you guess? [RadarOnline]...

Oregon Fans Still Have A Couple Things Going For Them
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day...

How Les Miles Les Miles'd His Way To A 7-Year Extension
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Lucky Les is going to stick around for a while....

For Those Who'd Like To Do Something Better On Super Bowl Sunday Than Watching Football
It's a non-sports event for Charles Bock, author of Beautiful Children, who's been a surprisingly avid Deadspin supporter. His family's going through a hardship. Modern lit fans and do-gooders should consider attending and/or donating. Thanks for your consideration. [World'sMostLiteraryRentPartyEver...

Seminoles Cheerleaders Narrowly Avoid Onslaught Of Actual Seminoles Fans
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Everyone Is Bottle-Throwingly Pissed At Jose Mourinho
This post, written by Richard Anderson, is republished with permission from The Spoiler. Go there often if you like soccer stuff....