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Please Welcome Our Temporary Weekend Overlord
Because the guy works more than any human we know, The Mighty MJD is taking a rare weekend off. (And by "rare," we mean "the first one since he started doing the site on weekends.") But we shall never forsake you here at Deadspin, so we've got a reasonable replacement who is all dolled up and ready ...

Them Damn Burritos Ain't Good For Nothing But A Hippie, When He's High On Weed
The world's our oyster, except for the fact that we just rammed a wooden stake in our brother's heart because he turned into a vampire, even though we don't believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything's hunky-dory....

Oh, What A Night
What's coming up in the world of minor league baseball ... we proudly give you Rick Chandler's Minor Enterprise! Not content with the more pedestrian promotions often associated with the minors, the Long Beach Armada (Independent Golden League) are into the higher concepts. They ask the really big ...

ESPN Would Like To Remind You Of Its Omnipotence
Let's say, hypothetically speaking, that instead of watching Game One of the NBA Finals last night, you decided your evening would be better spent watching the MLS game between the Colorado Rapids and the Houston Dynamo on ESPN2. That wouldn't be our choice, but whatever: You just love the MLS and e...

Sebastien Gacond Is Gay (As Long As You Make It Clear It's The "Happy" Kind Of Gay)
This is Sebastien Gacond. He is a professional triathlete, which is impressive; it must be difficult to be an athlete with three major appendages. He is also not gay. Not gay at all. Nothing gay about Sebastien Gacond. He is all man. It is extremely important that you understand this....

Hey, Everybody, Pasty Fellas!
As surely anyone with a commenting account — and we remind anyone who wants one to email the Deadtern and state your case — knows by now, the ladies over at Ladies ... have posted their Hot Blogger Bracket. The whole experiment is a perfect case study in blog physics: Hold a contest that only blogge...

Carl Monday: The Early Years
Ever wonder what drives crusading field journalist Carl Monday? He didn't just pursue the Mike Cooper library case out of thin air; there had to be an underlying force, some childhood trauma, perhaps, which would cause him in later life to obsess over a perfectly ordinary human function. We wonder w...

Some Things You See That You Can't Unsee
Friends, we have seen death; we have walked up to it, looked it straight in the eye and then scampered off and hid under our desk....

This Man Knows What Athletics Really Mean
The Fanhouse discussed this yesterday, but we wouldn't help but play with it some more: There's a Massachusetts politician named Kevin Thompson who is kind of losing his mind about Tom Brady. Actually, he has a problem with athletes in general....

Throwing A Baseball Is Hard
In lieu of Danny DeVito's wretched throwing out of the first pitch at the Phillies game yesterday — we suspect he had some physical disadvantages here, like, say, being able to move his arms — and the disaster that was Cincinnati mayor Mark Mallory, we are thinking a bit today about ceremonial first...

A Q&A With Gov. Tommy Thompson
Unlike most of the rest of America, we're already entranced by the 2008 Presidential race, even though we're, uh, still 17 months away from the election. (We have a history of being way too into this business way too early.) At this point, most candidates are just trying to raise money and elbow for...

To The Victorino Go The Spoils
Notes on a day in baseball:...

A-Rod Is Dead, Dawg
• Jose Canseco and his fake reality show] • Cheese wheel. • Nothing offensive about this, nope. • This lady? Never heard of her. Until now! • Ichiro is wacky. • Every party should have Mr. Met. • LeBron might be all kinds of amazing. • Here come the otters! HERE COME THE OTTERS! • Isiah Thomas, a bu...

We Always Say Girl Plus Car Equals Dead Animal
We're gonna be a Deejay, man. And maybe a lumberjack....

About Last Night ...
What you missed while frogging ... • MLB: Well, of course Bonds didn't hit a homer in the Giants' loss to the Mets. The clubhouse was too hot! • Tennis: Venus Williams bids France adieu. • NBA: LeBron, the number 48, and the Cavaliers up 3-2 on the Pistons....

To Watch Tonight
What to watch after coming in from recess ... • College softball: World Series at Oklahoma City, Tennessee vs. Texas A&M and Baylor vs. Arizona. Shootout at the OK corral. [ESPN] • Golf: LPGA, Ginn Tribute, first round, at Mt. Pleasant, S.C. We have a bad case of Annika Sorenstam. [The Golf Channel]...

Mark Cuban Has A Thing For Girdle Pads
Finally, a pro football league with second-rate players which plays on Friday nights in places like San Antonio and Sacramento. It's like someone has been recording our dreams!...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch while wishing a happy birthday to the legend that is unsilent majority ... • MLB: Cleveland at Boston [ESPN2]; Florida at Chicago Cubs. Red Sox's magic number is 90. [WGN] • NBA: Western Conference finals, Utah at San Antonio, Game 5. Let's point the t-shirt cannon toward the court thi...

Malibu Was Healed By Mother Nature
If you haven't had the opportunity to revel in the "American Gladiators" reruns on ESPN Classic — truly the greatest programming currently airing on the vast family of networks — we can't recommend them enough. Just Call Me Juice discovered this little piece of genius, which is the least you can exp...

Bill Clement, You Sly Son Of A Bitch
Goodness. I hope that's not how he told his mom "Happy Mother's Day."...