ah Page 486 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bears Exist Despite The Wretched, Incompetent, Vapid Mess That Is Rex Grossman
Now listen: We know and understand how inconsistent Bears quarterback Rex Grossman has been there year. Anyone who had him in fantasy football understand that. But the guy is not Kyle Orton (mostly); you could even have made an argument for him (and Brett Favre) as the third Pro Bowl quarterback aft...
And Michael Strahan Got... JACKED UP!
The offensive linemen who line up against Michael Strahan on Sundays just got a whole lot of new ammunition for trash tralk. And Strahan can't run from it, either, because he's going to have to play football for a loooong time. He can't afford not to....
Seahawks vs. Bears, 4th Quarter/Overtime
- Chicago looks to take the lead here, with their golden gift from the Seattle field goal block unit. 3rd and goal from the 10. Grossman throws, it's of Muhammad's hands... and it's intercepted by a guy who denied my loan application two weeks ago. Big turn of events there....
Seahawks vs. Bears, 3rd Quarter
- Seattle comes out and gets a field goal to start the second half... credit Chicago's defense there for coming up with a stop when they had to. I like the way this game's shaping up....
Seahawks vs. Bears, 2nd Quarter
- And Nate Burleson's going to stretch the ball into the endzone on the first play on the second quarter, evening things up for the Seahawks. A couple of near-interceptions aside, these two offenses have both looked fairly competent. Hasselbeck looked like the Hasselbeck of last year on that drive. ...
Seahawks vs. Bears, 1st Quarter
- Joe Buck and Troy Aikman will be holding your hand and walking you through this one on FOX... I actually haven't heard a lot of Joe Buck this year, so this is a special treat for me....
Playoff Pants Party: Bears Vs. Seahawks
No matter what happens in these here NFC playoffs, we're gonna have a pretty good idea whether or not Rex Grossman is a legitimate NFL quarterback, or just a frizzy-haired drunkard. Thank heavens this game isn't on the eve of a major holiday....
Matt Hasselbeck Is Sexy, You See (YEAH!)
Last year, a Seattle radio station, attempting to, we dunno, inspire somebody or something, came up with "Sweet Shaun Alexander," an ear-bleeder set to the tune of "Sweet Home Alabama." (You know, because of the loggers.)...
Ah, To Be Young And Tony Romo
Another reason YouTube is changing our lives in new and exciting ways: The already infamous Tony Romo fumble moment from Saturday night is being reenacted by spasming lonely fools in their bedrooms. You're totally wrong, Cuban: YouTube is Allah's gift to us all!...
Cowboys vs. Seahawks: 4th Quarter
- The Cowboys are opening the quarter with a punt here. They're up by four with 15:00 to play. I would really love to see an exciting finish here. After that early game, frankly, I think we all deserve it....
Cowboys vs. Seahawks: 3rd Quarter
- The halftime show is over, mercifully bringing Jim Mora Jr.'s career as an analyst to an end. Cena was surprisingly gentle, by the way....
Cowboys vs. Seahawks: 2nd Quarter
- There are the Hasselbeck ladies. Obviously, they're pretty bundled up and it's hard to tell, but... I think Hasselbeck's mom might have a slight edge in that matchup. I can't make the call from here....
Cowboys vs. Seahawks: 1st Quarter
- The biggest reason I'm excited about this game is that it's the last I'll have to see this year of Jerome Bettis....
Playoff Pants Party: Seahawks Vs. Cowboys
We didn't talk much about this, but the reason for our trip to Argentina? An attempt to further check out the genealogy of Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. (Turns out he is not, in fact, Argentinian.) It's still pretty amazing that Romo is in the Pro Bowl; if the Cowboys lose this game, he's gonna l...
And in Less Bloody Shirt News....
Christ.This is a gratutitous mood-lightening post to veer off the whole Darrent Williams thing for a little while.The Williams story is important, it's tragic, but Jesus Christ, at this rate I'll be posting YouTube clips of Schindler's List to cheer myself up. Anyway, I have one more little piece of...
Slava Medvedenko Is The Anti-Joe Kines
But he is no less entertaining, albeit in his own special Slava way. Medvedenko just signed with the Atlanta Hawks, so you're not likely to ever hear from him again. But the good news is that the Hawks gig puts him in closer physical proximity to Joe Kines, upping the chances of the two of them havi...
Martina Hingis Set To Marry And End The Career Of Radek Stepanek
Martina Hingis is marrying Radek Stepanek, a Czech tennis-playing douchebag who is now most famous for marrying Martina Hingis. Those of you who are disappointed that Martina is now off the market need not worry, though. Stepanek will probably be dead within the month....
A Call Out to Objectify This Man's Wife
From the Letters to the Guest Editor department:...
Some Casting Director Has Their Work Cut Out For Them
Apparently, they'll make a movie about damn near anyone these days. The latest athlete to get the big screen treatment is spectacularly-bearded former Jazz center Mark Eaton. Eaton will be the subject of a film by Stacy Dymalski that will probably not be entitled, "What's Eatin' Mark Eaton?"...
NBA Roundup: Isiah, Knicks Will Rule Us All One Day
Notes on Wednesday's games in the National Basketball Association ......