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Envisioning The Death Of The NBA
I have a lingering personal defect, which is that I always, without fail, overestimate the power of both staplers and hole punchers. If I have a stack of 50 pages that I need stapled and I see a tinyass Swingline stapler and I'm like, "NO PROBLEMO." Then I go to staple the pages together and the sta...

Grabby Arena Football Fan Draws A Flag
Arena football is different. It's the kind of sport where a fan reaches out of the seats to bodily prevent an opposing player from returning a kickoff. And more tellingly, it's the kind of sport where the home team's players then go over to congratulate the fan for interfering with play....

Look At This Fucking Hoopster: Lollapalooza 2011 Edition
It is August in Chicago, and that, of course, means that young people have descended upon the city for Lollapalooza so that they can post Facebook albums of themselves drinking Budweiser tall boys with Kid Cudi in the background and the caption "post-punk punk is dead tho." It also means that it is ...

British Beach Volleyball Players To Put Barcode Ads On Their Butts
No, seriously. And it's for a gambling company. From London's Daily Mail:...

And You Thought Boosters Would Let Butch Davis Go Without A Lawsuit
Clearly we underestimated the value of two straight Meineke Car Care Bowls. But Butch Davis is something of a hero in Chapel Hill, where he took the Tar Heels from mediocrity to ACC Success, which we remind you is not the same as actual success....

This Weekend In Unintentional-Dong Picture Submissions
Several of you sent in unintentional dong shots since Thursday night's "This Week In Unintentional-Dong Picture Submissions" post. Here, four of you get the attention you so greatly deserve....

Stay The Hell Away From Rehabbing Stephen Strasburg, You Mongrels, Minor League Team Tells Press
You may think it's Strasmas in August for the scribes of Hagerstown, Maryland, but you'd be wrong. Dead wrong....

Manscaping And A Mankini Helped MMA Reach Its Aesthetic Nadir At UFC 133
No one watches UFC—what with its bloody noses, sweaty chests, cauliflower ears—for beauty's sake. No one would confuse Dana White with Donna Karan. But holy lord, things got ugly in one of the undercard fights last night....

Shannon Sharpe's HOF Induction Speech Was Not Exciting Enough To Keep John Elway From Texting
Your morning roundup for August 7, the day London was burning, and we lived by the river. Screencap via eagle-eyed reader Rob, who says he "fucking hates John Elway." See anything that might interest us? Email the tips line....

A Case Study In Why You Shouldn't Share An Email Address With Your Lovely Wife
Tipster Matthew D. recently shared details of what happened when a guy named Christian dropped out of their fantasy football league. All participants are from the PA/NJ/NY area but for Christian, who's from Seattle. "Only one of us has had the privilege of meeting him in person," Matthew pointed ou...

Your Hall Of Fame Induction Ceremony Open Thread
Tonight, Richard Dent, Marshall Faulk, Chris Hanburger, Les Richter, Ed Sabol, Deion Sanders and Shannon Sharpe will be inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Good for them....

This Is What It Looked Like When Heinz Field Became The Home Of The Gotham Rogues
As mentioned in Wake Up Deadspin, "The Dark Knight Rises" production took over Heinz Field, home of the Pittsburgh Steelers, today. They called for about 10,000 extras and some Steelers, including newly married Ben Roethlisberger, were expected to be on camera....

If He Knew How, Nick Saban Would Troll Football Websites To Get Back At Reporters
University of Alabama football coach Nick Saban's "first news conference of the preseason practice schedule" is annually a seminal moment in Tuscaloosa. At this year's FNCotPPS, Saban expressed dismay with the speed by which stories/rumors/innuendo spreads in the information age. Sayeth Saban to t...

Professional Football Ultimate Fan Association President Hit By Float At Hall Of Fame Parade
The Canton Repository was on the scene when "the Obie the Tiger balloon cruised through the intersection of Tuscarawas Street and Cleveland Avenue just before 9 a.m." Shortly thereafter, the Timken Grand Parade got real....

Georgia Scheduled Boise State Because They Thought Kellen Moore Had Graduated
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: spoiler alert, the Bulldogs start the season 0-2....

Jay Cutler And Kristin Cavallari Are Returning The Wedding Gifts You Sent Them, With Dainty Notes In Some Cases
Previously, we brought you the story of some Deadspin readers who bought gifts for Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari off their wedding registry. Then we told you that the Bears QB dumped Cavallari. Here comes the fallout, courtesy of Crate & Barrel....

Cockblocked By J.R. Smith!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Here's Video Of Michael Beasley "Mushing" A Fan At A New York City Park Last Night
We learned a new word today: mushing. A mush is when a person puts a hand directly onto another person's face and pushes him or her backward. Minnesota's Michael Beasley "mushed" a heckling fan at New York City's Dyckman Park last night. The incident is not expected to help his job security....

These Deadbeat Parents Fell For The Old "Free Tickets To The Iron Bowl" Trick
The Lee County Sheriff's Office in Opelika, Ala. took a creative approach to rounding up a few parents who'd fallen way behind in their child support payments: they told them they'd won free tickets to the annual Iron Bowl, and then they arrested them when they came to collect on the prize. It's l...

Pee Wee Herman Spent Some Time With Tony Romo Today At Cowboys Camp
Per the Dallas Morning News, "Pee-Wee Herman was at Cowboys' practice Thursday night in a gray suit with a red bowtie. He took some time to pose for a photo with Jerry Jones and his sons, Stephen and Jerry Jr. No word on if coach Jason Garrett will hang it up at Valley Ranch as another motivational...