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Now Playing: The Coldplay-Scored Trailer For Tony Romo's Wedding
The NFL quarterback wedding season is officially upon us, America, and for that, we are thankful — because the quarterbacks in question keep making embarrassing documentation of their weddings available to the general public. First, there was Mr. and Mrs. Flacco in formation, and today, we present...

The 100 Worst Baseball Players Of All Time: A Celebration
Enough arguing about who deserved to be an All-Star. Here are 100 baseball players who did not, though a couple are in the Hall of Fame. A survey of Major League Baseball's lowlights, lowlifes, and overachieving underachievers. PART ONE » | PART TWO »...

The 100 Worst Baseball Players Of All Time: A Celebration (Part 2)
Here's the second part of the roundup of baseball's low achievers. Part 1 is here....

The 100 Worst Baseball Players Of All Time: A Celebration (Part 1)
This is a celebration. I realize that sounds strange—compiling a list of the worst of something doesn't seem like a joyous occasion. But by worst 100 baseball players I don't just mean the objective worst, the statistical worst, the most physically discomforting to watch. I mean the players whose fa...

Justin Timberlake At The All-Star Game: Drunk, Sarcastic, Drunk-Sarcastic, Or Just Obnoxious?
Justin Timberlake has redeemable qualities, doesn't he? He can sing and dance, he is a good SNL host, and he reportedly even has feelings. All this is more than we can say about Joe Buck. So no matter your opinion of the former boy band front-teen, he deserves some credit for agreeing to a live-br...

Heath Bell Is A Crazy Person
Your morning roundup for July 13, the day we met, and then ran away from, Magnet Boy....

Minor League Involving Kevin Costner, Jose Canseco, and Pete LaCock Devolves Into Extreme Chaos
One wishes there were a way to succinctly explain what the hell went on this weekend in the North American Baseball League. There isn't, but "mop-up catcher Joey Gathright" gets us pretty close to explaining the weird story of the NABL's Lake County (Ill.) Fielders, owned in part by Kevin Costner....

Now Photographers Working The Home Run Derby Are Planking Too
We've tried to stay on top of this planking thing for you guys, because it's confusing and new and stressful. Last we dropped in on sports-based planking, some wealthy—but now unemployed—NBA stars got prone on ostentatious objects (Beamers, Benzes, or Bentleys, we cannot remember which)....

The MLB All-Star Game: You Might As Well Watch
MLB plays its All-Star Game tonight in Phoenix (8 p.m. Eastern, Fox), and, as Bud Selig has told us far too many times, this one counts. Jered Weaver and Roy Halladay are starting, and they're good. And Derek Jeter, who's not so good, won't be there. It's a win-win. Except for Buck/McCarver. Emigrat...

The Best Player In Ohio Commits To Michigan
Remember this darling cherubic face, Ohioans, because he just decommitted from The University and committed to one in Michigan. You know the one. Kyle Kalis, a senior offensive tackle from Lakewood St. Edward in Cleveland, is the top prospect in Ohio, which was exciting when he was committed to Jim ...

What It's Like When The Media Circle Their Prey (With Attorneys!): Documents From ESPN's Lawsuit Against Ohio State
When news of the Jim Tressel memorabilia scandal broke in March, the media peppered Ohio State with public records requests. Ohio State deflected as many as possible. The school made life difficult for us. More important, the school made life difficult for ESPN. And you do not anger the worldwide le...

A Half-Assed Statistical Analysis Of The Half-Assed Home Run Derby's Half-Assed Announcing
Chris Berman said the word "BACK" 78 times last night, 66 of which were in reference to home runs. That's about .62 "BACK"s per homer, a figure we assume is much lower than in previous years. Here's a breakdown of each player's traditional and Berman statistics (distance data from MLB.com):...

Would You Kill A Stranger To Save Football?
Last week, I went to the gym and went inside the locker room to change before I worked out (POWER LIFTING GRRR STRONG!), and when I went to pull my gym clothes out of the bag a pair of my kid's underwear went flying out of the bag onto the floor. They had gotten there by accident during laundry fold...


This Is Michael Irvin On The Cover Of <em>Out</em> Magazine
There's a fantastic Michael Irvin profile in this month's Out magazine which, given the recent newsworthy items about another particular NFC East wide receiver, will hopefully lead to more progress on the issue. Irvin reveals how in his early Playmaker days, he was just as guilty of stereotyping, ga...

The Derby Featured A Diving Catch Into A Pool, And Not A Single Drop Of Beer Was Wasted
Our esteemed announcers preferred an earlier catch to this gentleman's play, but they fail to notice that on his dive, he manages to save his entire pint. This great nation will go to great lengths to ensure that we never waste a drop of an overpriced lager....

Presenting The World’s Dick-Suckingest Derek Jeter Column
In a world where every member of the sports media lines up enthusiastically to lap up whatever fluid comes out of Derek Jeter's penis, we now have a new champion when it comes to Jeter's canonization. It comes from Ian O'Connor at ESPN, and it made Ken Tremendous cry. Come take a look at this shit....

Derek Jeter, Josh Hamilton, The Dodgers And Cliff Lee All Had Shining Moments Yesterday
Your morning roundup for July 10, the day it pays to be wary of people with wide faces....

This Buckeyes Fan Deemed It Wise To Get An Anal-Rape Themed Tattoo
Tipster Kyle sent along this photo of some art a co-worker had permanently placed on his body. The subject line was, "The rapiest Ohio State tattoo ever!" Go on:...

Concussed Cyclist Doesn't Remember Finishing Yesterday's Stage Of The Tour De France
Your morning roundup for July 9, the day Detroit teaches us to respect the crackheads who walk among us....