and Page 986 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Here's Video Of A Smooth Assist In A German Soccer Match
Borussia Dortmund faced Hamburg to start their respective Bundesliga seasons yesterday, which you probably already knew. The former won the match 3-1, the highlight of which was Robert Lewandowski's assist on Mario Götze's give-and-go goal in the 29th minute....

Someone Took The Time To Write About How The Credit Downgrade Could Affect The NHL
Some of you math-y sporty types out there have probably wondered what Standard & Poor's downgraded rating on U.S. government debt means for the world of athletics....

The Phillies And Giants Engaged In One Of Those Brawls That Really Aren't Brawls But Look Good On TV Anyway
Your morning roundup for Aug. 6, the day our Chinese overlords recommended we seek treatment for our mooching-trillions addiction. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Soccer Fans In Portland Still Behaving Curiously Like Soccer Fans In Any City Outside The United States
The Portland Timbers—seventh in the MLS's Western Conference and 7-10-4 overall—defeated the league-leading L.A. Galaxy 3-0 on Wednesday night. In spite of their hangovers, the Timbers Army was in fine form for the upset. Someone trained a camera on the heart of the crew just before Jorge Perlaza ...

Here's Video Of Michael Beasley "Mushing" A Fan At A New York City Park Last Night
We learned a new word today: mushing. A mush is when a person puts a hand directly onto another person's face and pushes him or her backward. Minnesota's Michael Beasley "mushed" a heckling fan at New York City's Dyckman Park last night. The incident is not expected to help his job security....

<em>Welcome Back, JaMarcus</em>: Russell Will Return To LSU In The Fall To Take Some Classes
LSU Sports Information Director Michael Bonnette tweeted yesterday that former Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell would be returning to Baton Rouge to take classes in the fall. In his honor, we've cut you the opening credits of Welcome Back, JaMarcus....

Today Was The Day "Mandingo Cock Deasel" Became An American Hero
His name is Eddie Evans. His superpower is rescuing his fellow man from a burning car at a Chevron gas station in DeKalb County, Ga. His choice of attire is what makes him the Stuff Of Legend....

Maryland, His Maryland: Randy Edsall Is The Lawgiver
Fresh off his BCS success (read: staving off mediocrity a little better than the rest of the Big East), Randy Edsall is the big man on campus in College Park. And while it's nice to feel wanted, Edsall appears to be the type to get drunk off the slightest bit of power. He's bringing in a heavy-hande...

James Dolan In Concert, Performing "Fix The Knicks"
Dolan, lead singer of JD and the Straight Shot, is a true singer-songwriter. He writes from the heart. He writes what he knows. Basically, he writes about people yelling at him all the time for doing such a shitty job running the Knicks....

Here's Video Of A Brawl During The Dolphin Show At A Russian Oceanarium
We've presented you with a lot of fights and/or boobs for your viewing pleasure. This is probably the first instance of a dolphin-witnessed fracas in an "oceanarium," though. Flipper shouldn't be subjected to this half-assed take on The Outsiders, but we should....

Chinese Italian Soccer Fans As Bad As Italian Soccer Fans
This, via Dirty Tackle, is what happens when an AC Milan fan accidentally wanders into an Inter Milan fan section. It doesn't matter that this is Beijing and not Milan — wearing red and black is a de-kitable offense....

Braylon Edwards May Have Started The Nightclub Brawl He Allegedly Wasn't Involved In
We told you yesterday about free agent wide receiver Braylon Edwards' most recent legal trouble—according to My Fox Detroit, Edwards was on the periphery of a brawl that broke out at a nightclub in Birmingham, Michigan....

A Minor League Team Was Two Feet From Disaster
As the old saying ought to go, nothing good comes from taking a wrong turn to Staten Island....

The Orlando Magic Youth Basketball Camp Is Too Small To Hold All Of Stan Van Gundy's Swag
We know that Kevin Durant can ball, and it's a tribute to his ability that he's still able to astound us with a performance like his 66-point game at Rucker on Monday night. We would not immediately predict, however, that Stan Van Gundy has real handle. Only handles....

Ichiro's Doppelganger Tried To Sabotage The Mariners Last Night
Have we not yet learned our lesson, America? Is Bartman's ultimate cautionary tale still not enough? Let the players make their plays. Even if you happen to look eerily similar to one of them....

Braylon Edwards Has The Kind Of Résumé No Free Agent Wide Receiver Would Want
Former Jets and Browns wide receiver Braylon Edwards is a free agent. Edwards is 6' 3", spry, a leaper. He has 39 touchdowns in six seasons, which ties him for 23rd among active players. And he's one of the youngest in that bunch....

This Woman's Kneecap Is Pretty Sure That Asdrubal Cabrera Hit A Two-Run Homer Last Night
In the eighth inning of the Indians-Red Sox game last night, with the game tied at five runs apiece, Asdrubal Cabrera's hit a line drive to right field that was initially ruled a single. Umpires reviewed the play and called it a homer — Cabrera's second of the night — to give Cleveland a two-run l...

Randy Moss: The Weirdest Ever
Randy Moss is the most dangerous receiver to ever play in the NFL and the single most exciting player that ever played for my favorite team, Adrian Peterson included. He also happened to be the weirdest person ever to step onto a football field. ...

Kevin Kolb Says It's Time For Him To Be "Unleashed"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Release the Kolb Kraken!...

Joey Harrington Hit While On A Bicycle In Portland
Former Lions and Dolphins quarterback Joey Harrington has now reached the nadir of his Portland days. He was hit from behind while biking....