at Page 2268 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
![Papa, Let Your Babies Grow Up to Date Hockey Players [Canadian Ben Bernanke Update!]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18f10f85e5j4ajpg.jpg)
Papa, Let Your Babies Grow Up to Date Hockey Players [Canadian Ben Bernanke Update!]
Hunky Ottawa hockey player Mike Fisher proposed to Carrie Underwood early this week, breaking Drew Magary's heart/hand. Think those brunettes look jealous now? Ha, wait til they learn how much the ring cost. UPDATE! Meet the "Canadian Ben Bernanke":...

All I Want for Christmas is to Never Hear That Song Again
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

How Can One Game Contain So Much Fail?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Your Nightly Athlete Backside
This male rear nudity is becoming a disturbing trend. This edition's exhibitionist: Shannon Brown, who probably wishes the players could change before the media enter the locker room....

Beware The Who Dat Bandit
With all the new Saints bandwagon fans, there's a surefire way to find out who's legit: start a Saints chant to get their attention. And then mug them....

Pretty Boy/Pac-Man Doping Mindgames Go Both Ways
Pacquiao's camp proposed a $10 million payment if either fighter flunks a drug test; Mayweather's people refused. At this point, they can both take horse Viagra for all I care, as long as they shut up and fight. [Examiner]...

Serena Williams Beats Out Horse For AP Female Athlete Of The Year
Yes, Zenyatta, "who capped a 14-0 career by becoming the first female horse to win the Breeders' Cup Classic" came in second. Kim Clijsters came in third. Fourth? Artie Lange. [ESPN.com]...

Dear Deadspin Commenters: You Are The Reason The <em>Chicago Sun-Times</em> Is Full Of Racist Morons (UPDATE)
Commenters, prepare to be amused. A Sun-Times web editor named Matthew Wood chastised some of his newspaper's online community for nasty, racist remarks and has blamed this phenomenon on...Deadspin. Read on....

Bizarre Recruiting Hoax Fools None, Confuses All
A sad young man is accused of recruiting high school football players for East Carolina—a school he has no affiliation with and that has never heard of him. What could have been the point of this not-so-master plan?...

Who Knew Greg Oden's Magical Exploding Kneecap Was Contagious?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Mayweather Laughably Implies Pacquiao Is Doping
The press releases we get are usually worthless, but sometimes they are news in themselves. Like this one we just got, in which Floyd Mayweather's camp not-so-subtly accuses Pac-Man of ingesting something stronger than power pellets....

Fox Robot Makes Perfect Stocking Stuffer For People You Hate
Someone is actually selling 10" action figures of Cleatus, the audience-enraging Fox football robot. Unless it's a voodoo doll I can stuff with dynamite to put us all out of our misery, I'm not interested. [Foamheads]...

Let's All Question Myron Rolle's Priorities
The hardest part about writing a fawning profile of Myron Rolle might be getting over to Oxford to interview him. Today, though, The Wall Street Journal adds a wrinkle: Will Rolle's decision to postpone the NFL actually pay off financially?...

Chip Caray Lines A Base Hit, Scores A New Job
Don't fret, Braves fans! Recently fired Chip Caray will be your play-by-play man for Fox Sports South this season. Said Joe Simpson, his booth partner-in-crime: "I hope the Braves' fans will be as excited as I am." [AJC/Suss]...

Let's All Thank God For Tommy Kelly's Jock Strap
And here's how we send you into this good night. Not just with a de-pantsed football player, but with a de-pantsed lineman. Click through only if you haven't eaten recently....

From One Teammate To Another
The funeral is Tuesday, but the lasting images of the loss of Chris Henry came today. On the football field, where all our memories of him were made....

Tony Gonzalez's House Comes With Its Own Porsche
Crazy Uncle Tony's got a beachfront home, priced to move! These deals won't come around again, so act now! He'll even throw in a brand new Porsche! So do we have ourselves a deal, or what?...

It's Easy To Look Like You're Making An Effort When The Defense Isn't
Week after week, it's the same thing. Some awfully crappy teams show up for just long enough to make the games surprisingly thrilling. Mediocrity is competition if everyone's mediocre!...

This Athlete Is Gay; You Got A Problem With That?
Rugby legend Gareth Thomas comes out of the closet, and everyone takes it in stride. Really, America? We're not as progressive as the Welsh? [Daily Mail]...
