aw Page 289 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Lord Rejects That Weak Shit In Mysterious Ways
What we have here is a young teen (presumably) trying to dunk on a man of the cloth (presumably). He got smote....
Pekka Rinne Smashed The Shit Out Of His Stick, And Yeah I Get It
The Sharks’ dream Game 7 was, necessarily, a nightmare for Nashville. Or: You don’t lose an elimination game 5-0, getting outshot 17-3 in the first and only managing 20 shots on goal of your own all night, without just about everything going wrong....
Serena Williams Ate Some Fancy Dog Food And Then Crapped A Bunch
We live in wonderful times. Thanks to the miracle of technology, we are able to enjoy this first-hand account of the time world-famous tennis star Serena Williams decided to eat a spoonful of fancy dog food, which caused her to shit her brains out....
Ricardo Lockette Will Retire After Serious Neck Injury
This is one of the reasons athletes should never be begrudged for trying to get as much money as they can while they still can: their lifetime earning power can vaporize in a moment, at any moment. Seahawks wide receiver and special teamer Ricardo Lockette will announce his retirement this afternoon...
Report: UFC Owners On The Verge Of Selling For $4 Billion
According to a report from ESPN’s post-human business lad Darren Rovell, the owners of the UFC are in “advanced negotiations” with at least four potential buyers regarding the sale of the promotion. The UFC is owned by (mainly) the Fertitta brothers and (also) Dana White and the government of Abu Dh...
A Bunch Of Bros In Pastel Shirts Brawled At The Kentucky Oaks
At this Friday’s Kentucky Oaks, the bros in attendance were feeling feisty. ...
Wheelchair Basketball Game Abandoned After Fans Attack Each Other With Knives & Baseball Bats
Europe’s top wheelchair basketball tournament came to a violent halt in Zwickau, Germany Saturday as 60 fans attacked each other with knives and baseball bats during a game between Turkish rivals Galatasaray and Beşiktaş, according to Die Welt....
Crunch
Have something you think we should know? Email us at [email protected], or contact our writers directly, or use our SecureDrop system. You can also follow us on Twitter, like us on Facebook, and sign up for our newsletter!...
The Atlanta Hawks Are Being Whiny Babies
One of the best things about basketball is that it is not baseball. I enjoy both sports equally, but basketball has always had an edge in the not-employing-humorless-dickwads department, which means you rarely ever see NBA players or coaches talking about “class” or “playing the right way.” The Atla...
Yes, This Is A Normal Thing For A Soccer Crowd To Look Like
That stadium is not on fire. It is merely fans making sure the Polish Cup kicked off with an immolation....
Who Hugged Roger Goodell Longest At Last Night's NFL Draft?
Last night’s first round of the NFL draft featured many large men embracing an extremely rich one. As we do every year, we’ve measured each draftee’s hug time and measured it against his fellow rookies. The winner? New Falcons defensive back Keanu Neal, who got intimate with Roger Goodell for more t...
How NFL Quarterback Jersey Sales Nearly Destroyed The Union
The following excerpt comes from Matthew Futterman’s Players: The Story of Sports and Money, and the Visionaries Who Fought to Create a Revolution, released yesterday by Simon & Schuster. This excerpt tells the little-known story of NFL executives Frank Vuono and Mike Ornstein, who attempted to thwa...
Jon Jones And Daniel Cormier Will Fight At UFC 200
Okay, so, last month, Conor McGregor, the UFC’s featherweight champion and biggest drawing card, lost to lightweight Nate Diaz, a late replacement for McGregor’s originally-scheduled opponent, lightweight champion Rafael dos Anjos, in a welterweight fight; the UFC, smelling money, booked a McGregor ...
Giancarlo Stanton Dinger Sends Clayton Kershaw To His Knees
Clayton Kershaw made Giancarlo Stanton swing and miss with a nasty little curve in the fourth inning to get his seventh strikeout of the evening. Two innings later, Stanton faced Kershaw again and smacked a fastball to the moon so hard that the Dodgers ace fell to his knees on the mound....
Man Discovers Hockey, Loves It
The NHL convinced one more person to please like its sport last night. A man on Twitter tuned into Game 7 of Blackhawks-Blues, the first hockey game he had ever seen. He tweeted as he watched, and his enthusiasm was delightful....
St. Louis Blues Eliminate Blackhawks From Stanley Cup 'Yoffs
That gif above you is a neat encapsulation of the sort of night the Blackhawks had tonight. The St. Louis Blues took Game 7 at home 3-2 and broke Chicago’s 18-game streak of winning in the playoffs when Marian Hossa scores. Chicago outshot their southern neighbors 33-26, but they gave up two goals i...
Police Report Shows Shawn Oakman Was Accused Of Assault In 2013
Earlier this month, former Baylor Bears defensive end Shawn Oakman was charged with sexual assault after another Baylor student said he assaulted her at his Waco duplex. Today, Alex Dunlap at Orangebloods published a Waco police report that shows Oakman was the subject of an assault report back in 2...
Jeff Teague Saved The Hawks, Only To Murder Them
In their overtime loss to the Celtics last night, just about every member of the Atlanta Hawks besides Paul Millsap played like dogshit. One of the chief offenders was point guard Jeff Teague, who shot a dismal 4-18, and had just five assists to three turnovers. He missed almost every shot as the ga...
Serena Williams Makes Cameo Appearance In Beyoncé <i>Lemonade</i> Video
Tonight’s much-anticipated but mysterious HBO program Lemonade has proven—we think—to be Beyoncé’s upcoming album in longform video. One track (Update: now that the tracklist is out it appears to be titled “Sorry”) featured Serena Williams as a featured dancer; here it is, with lyrics (via closed ca...