aw Page 437 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Today, In Sentences That Makes Less Sense Each Time You Read Them
"Anna Lovato took a ride on the mechanical penis, met Miami Heat basketball star Michael Beasley; and joined Natasha Marley for a ride on the sexy see-saw with dildo." [Rising Star PR]...

Soccer Commentary Can Be Hard To Understand But This Is Ridiculous (Video)
Click to view Tossing it down to a reporter on the scene always carries the risk of going haywire. That was the unfortunate case recently when British soccer's answer to Tony Siragusa was asked if there were any updates about the game. [Today's Big Thing]...

Jeremy Mayfield's NASCAR Suit Dismissed Due To Lack Of Realism
Racing fans may be wondering what's up with their favorite tweaked out NASCAR family, but sadly the trial of the century between Jeremy Mayfield and his drug-testing bosses has been called off due to crazy things like "the law."...

Young Boozer Carries On Boozer Family Tradition In Alabama
Meet Young Boozer III, future state treasurer of Alabama. His dad, Young Boozer Jr., played football for the Crimson Tide and was Bear Bryant's roommate. Alabama continues to be awesome....

Gene Simmons Kept His Love Gun In Holster With ESPN Makeup Gal, Suit Claims
Yes, they call him Dr. Love, but he didn't want to meet this ESPN makeup artist, Victoria Jackson, in the Ladies Room. It's Hotter Than Hell, in there. The Firehouse, though? That's fine....

Bill Self To Dance, Dance, Dance The Night Away For Charity
The Hoops Doctors uncovered this video of a leisure-suited Bill Self promoting an upcoming charity event, to be held in Kansas City....

Ex-Giant Brad Benson Is Greatest Ad Wizard Since Don Draper
Like many former athletes, New York Giant alumnus Brad Benson found a second career as a successful car dealer. Unlike most of them, however, he's made another name for himself as a filthy-minded, possibly unhinged radio pitchman....

LT, You Jackin' It?
Lawrence Taylor will apparently break out the old masturbation defense. That doesn't gibe with the girl's very graphic story, which involves trapped condoms and vasectomies. [TMZ, NYDN]...

Greenmen <em>Still</em> Taunting Penalty-Box Prisoners
Prior to last night's Game 6 getting out of hand, penalty-boxed Blackhawks defenseman Duncan Keith was given the Jack Johnson treatment by Vancouver's most photogenic fans. Here's hoping they're roadtripping to San Jose right now. Photo via 30fps, H/T Tim....

An Illustrated Timeline Of The Maria Menounos "Shit Talking" Crisis
This morning, on ESPN's popular variety program First Take, TV personality Maria Menounos, speaking to Jay Crawford, said that she enjoyed live-Tweeting NBA games because she got to engage in "shit talking" with her followers. The Twitterverse went to DEFCON-2. A timeline....

Tim Donaghy's Bad Beat Of The Week: An Ice-Bucket Night In Miami
A weekly feature in which Tim Donaghy, the former NBA referee who spent 11 months in prison for relaying inside information to gamblers, tells us a sad gambling story. The standard caveats apply....

The Mets Know How To Seize, Uh ... An Opportunity
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Associated Press To Punish Brian Cushing For Making Its Voters Look Bad
The AP wants to reclaim Brian Cushing's Defensive Rookie of the Year Award, because giving prizes to drug cheats makes them look foolish. Almost as foolish as calling takebacks on meaningless post-season awards....

Minor League Hockey Fight Provides Us With A Reason To Watch Minor League Hockey
Last night, during Game 5 of their ECHL playoff series, the Cincinnati Cyclones and Reading Royals engaged in one of the best hockey team fights ever. Enjoy the narration and the sight of grown men being thrown about like rag dolls....

The Tiger Woods Injury-Condition Flub You've Been Waiting For All Day
Tiger Woods' bulging disc has forced him to exit The Players Championship and occasioned a Freudian moment from one unfortunate Golf Channel reporter, who called the injury a "bulging dick." H/T Michael....

How To Change A Fucking Diaper
In honor of Mother's Day, and with a nod to The Awl, here is your belligerent guide to changing a kid's filth-laden diaper. You're welcome, assholes....

<em>The Blind Side</em> Is Cursed By A Home-Wrecking Demon
This is what the New York Daily News has suggested, due to some of the recent problems suffered by members of the cast of Michael Lewis's book-turned-sapfest. It's even ensnared Lawrence Taylor in its wickedness....

Miami University Had The Pukiest, Poopiest, Sexiest Spring Formal Ever
On April 9, 2010, Miami University's Pi Beta Phi fraternity for women held a spring formal at the quaint Lake Lyndsay Lodge in Hamilton, Ohio. The sloppy, slutty details of what transpired that boozy enchanted evening are tremendous....

LT's Weight Loss Spokesman Replacement Has A Little Less Star Power
Lawrence Taylor is accused of doing some Very Bad Things. That means he's not allowed to tell us how he lost 35 pounds (results not typical) on Nutrisystem. Now pinch hitting: Matt Stairs....

Lawrence Taylor's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Since this morning, the age on LT's alleged prostitute has been bumped from 15 to 16, and he's no longer accused of beating her (her pimp is). Do these revelations make things better? No, they do not....