aw Page 438 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

How To Tap A Fucking Keg
We asked Awl contributor Abe Sauer to write a profanity-filled, Spring Break-themed servicey piece, one that could be useful for both dopey sun-poisoned college kids and backyard BBQ enthusiasts. The Awl agreed to let us borrow its occasional series. Enjoy....

Soak Yourself In Deadspin's Spring Break Week (NSFW)
All week long Deadspin will be celebrating the phenomenon of American Spring Break. There's much to come, but for now, please watch this educational video put together by hairypalmed intern David Matthews, documenting the effects of water on cotton apparel....

Book Excerpt: "Confessions Of A Washed-Up Sportswriter," From <em>Rules Of The Game</em>
Today's excerpt comes from a 1968 essay by Gary Cartwright, anthologized in Harper's Magazine's new sportswriting anthology, Rules of the Game, which we highly recommend....

Yes, Kansas, Let Us Taste The Tears Of Unfathomable Sadness
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Catholics vs. Catholics: Villanova-St. Mary's Open Thread
Just one early game today, but one that could tear the Holy See apart. Did the Pope intercede in the 'Cats near debacle against Robert Morris, or is he secretly a West Coast basketball fan who's grown bored with Gonzaga?...

I Was There: A Classic In The Chocolate-Dipped Garden
Alan Siegel, whom you've met around these parts before, attended last year's Elite Eight matchup between Pittsburgh and Villanova. His story:...

Last Night's Winner: The Unemployed
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like anyone who had a few free hours to skip and/or slack off work yesterday, because they were richly rewarded for their non-efforts. (Unless they weren't.)...

Deciding The Superior Hawk: Lehigh-Kansas Open Thread
Kansas lost to Bucknell the last time they played a Patriot League opponent in the opening round in Oklahoma City. Can the Mountain Hawks say "Rock Chalk this!" and pull off the historic upset? Joke about Sherron Collins' age please....

Wildcats Scratch At Colonials: Robert Morris-Villanova Open Thread (UPDATE With Video)
Villanova tries to return to the Final Four and you try to figure out where Robert Morris is. Comment, comment, comment....

Sexting Tiger Threatened To "Slap, Spank, Bite and Fuck Till Mercy"
Well these texts from Tiger Woods to porn star Joslyn James are predictably gross: "After i cum you better start sucking my cock to get it hard" etc. See the full transcript after the jump....

Mike Bibby Doesn't Appreciate Your Gentle Hands, Josh Smith
Mike Bibby and Josh Smith got into ... something during a recent timeout. Listen to science, Bibby! Your season may depend on it! [Ball Don't Lie, soundtrack provided by the Misfits]...

Never Mind: Pacquiao Concert Canceled
Sorry to have gotten your hopes up. But only 603 of the 8500 tickets available had been sold, so they're calling the whole thing off. [Honolulu Advertiser]...

Do You Dream of Wearing a Fedora while Rocking a Pro Basketball Jersey?
Then you're a closeted hoopster. Won't you please head over to the Dream Visualizer to see your dream turned into a personalized animation that you can then share with all of your Facebook friends?...

America's Feeblest Legal Minds Weigh In On Erin Andrews
Somewhat curiously, ESPN.com has put the sentencing of Erin Andrews's stalker on the front page. Even more curiously, they've left commenting open. Seriously, go now. It's worse than YouTube in there. [ESPN.com]...

Today In Ridiculous High School Dunks
On his way to leading Springfield Hillcrest to the Missouri state championship, Trey Starks took some time to jump over a much taller opponent for a vicious dunk. It's a recurring thing for him. H/t David K. for the video....

Finally, A Basebrawl With Two Separate Felony Assaults
How often does SportsCenter tease a bench-clearing brawl, only to disappoint you when it turns out the hitter doesn't chase the pitcher into the outfield with his bat? Here's one that lives up to the promise inherent in every beanball....

Big Ben Photographer Speaks; GCSU Says No Comment
On Thursday, Justin, a senior at GCSU, snapped a photo of Ben Roethlisberger with a young woman. As with a lot of things that night, that photo's now the subject of innuendo and insinuation, some of it, Justin says, misguided....

Taiwanese CGI Geniuses Present: Ole Miss-Admiral Ackbar
The Nancy Grace Rule's reign of terror is over. The new cool way to measure a story's scope is Taiwanese CGI. Their reenactments of Tiger-Gate and the Late Night Wars were amazing but Admiral Ackbar-Ole Miss may be their masterpiece....

Big Ben's Night Out In "Millyvegas": What The Bartenders Saw
Questions swirl around the night that led to sexual assault charges against Ben Roethlisberger. Fellow bargoers and bartenders offer accounts of binge drinking in a sexually charged atmosphere, and their takes on what really went down....

Is This What Happens When You Click CBS' March Madness On Demand Boss Button?
We all mocked NBC for the lonely spreadsheet that would come up if you clicked the "Boss Button." But has CBS taken a step back? According to ace tipster Qumar, yes:...