Golden Tate's Dramatic 911 Donut Call: "They're Drunk And Being Retarded"

Listen in as an exasperated donut maker asks police to save her from two buffoons who stole her donuts and her keys. Also: an NFL wideout with "average" build who is "maybe 5'9"? Maybe he needs more than donuts.

[Audio via Irish Fan Network via South Bend Tribune; Photo via AP]