br Page 1015 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Engine No. 42 Makes The Hall
It's a happy day here at Deadspin headquarters: Former Cardinals closer Bruce Sutter has made the Hall of Fame. He was the only player elected to the Hall; Goose Gossage and others (including, unfortunately, Willie McGee) did not make it in....
Look Out For The Black Mamba. (Relax, We Don't Mean Literally)
We hate to be the ones who have to point this out, but after all we've made fun of him for — with our personal favorite still being Chuck Klosterman's notion that the Lakers are like "an eighth-grade intramural team which happens to have one kid with a mustache" — it's worth noting that the man no...
Fiction Is Actually Stranger Than Kobe's Truth
Further showcasing the almost impressive casual racism of the porn industry, a reader sends us the link to this very special porn film: Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation, from our classy friends at Hustler....
Elsewhere in College Basketball...
• #5 Florida 90, Georgia 72. Gators push it to 14-0 by hammering the Bulldogs. Currently, there's not a ranked team on Florida's schedule other than Kentucky, and I'm not sure if they should count. • #12 Maryland 70, Miami 84. Miami hits 12-of-19 three balls to beat the Terps. Nice win, but I'll nee...
Playoff Pants Party: Jaguars Vs. Patriots
This is the late game tomorrow night, which means, if you plan your day correctly, you should be properly hammered enough by halftime to confuse that dude in the corner with some ex-girlfriend who did you wrong. (Or, for female and non-traditional male readers, uh ... OK, we're not sure what the ...
New Vikings Coach Sporting Rare Mustache/Baldness Combo
Today, the Minnesota Vikings will announce that Eagles offensive coordinator Brad Childress will be their new coach, or, if you can't resist making the same joke everybody else is making this morning, captain of their ship. Childress has been with the Eagles for seven years, and, having seen Requi...
Culpepper: Lap Dances? Who, Me?
We don't want to overstate — and it probably won't happen, anyway — but if Vikings sex boat gods Daunte Culpepper and Bryant McKinnie get their way, we might be in for the real trial of the century....
Laura Quinn Gives Us A Fiesta Of Pain
Thoughts while watching about three hundred shots of Brady Quinn's sister, Laura, during the Fiesta Bowl last night: 1. We kind of miss that TV show, Xena, Warrior Princess. 2. We thought A.J. Hawk was some sort of famous skateboarder. Apparently we're confused. 3. Brent Musberger is still al...
Elton Brand Is No Yuppie Scum
It's possible this has been around for a while, but we hadn't seen it. Apparently, a Duke fan got a hold of former Dookie Elton Brand's email address and lambasted him for leaving the Blue Devils early for the NBA. Brand, if the email is to be trusted, was less than amused....
LeBron James Is Three Years Younger Than The Bush Twins
Yep, the rumors you've heard are correct: LeBron James is turning 21 years old tomorrow....
Dungy Returns To Coach Colts
The Indianapolis Star reports that Tony Dungy has returned to the Colts and will be on the sidelines for Sunday's game against the Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals. He is scheduled to conduct this afternoon's practice session. He has been away from his team for exactly a week and spoke at his...
The Sad, Sorry Last Days Of Brett Favre
We probably should have seen this coming: Now that it's pretty much obvious to everyone on the planet that Packers quarterback Brett Favre should retire before he shows up in a Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals jersey, Emmitt Smith-style, Favre is going on one of his typical passive-aggressive...
See? Highlights Are Harder Than They Look
Yes, yes, we know this is old — seven months old, in fact — but we only recently saw it, it's a slow holiday weekday and, besides, it's tremendously, brain-hurting funny....
Setting The 4 o'clock Table...
• Oakland @ Denver. It's nice of Raiders fans to all gather in one place, so that Santa Claus can skip just one big location with ease and convenience. • Indianapolis @ Seattle. Watch to see how many Colts rest, thus crippling your fantasy team's chances. • Philadelphia @ Arizona. I usually do three...
Steelers Putting Their Thing Down
Those of you who are hoping for a Browns upset over the Steelers today are likely to end up quite sad. Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger is apparently still quite bitter about the afore-mentioned Mr. Football snub, and he's playing his best ball of the year....
Blogdom's Best: Hating The Browns
We've been poring over so many NFL hater blogs lately that we're beginning to feel like Mr. Potter from "It's a Wonderful Life," or worse yet, Al Davis. We long to examine other areas of hate, preferably ones which do not include 350-pound persons who could hurt us. So after today, we will shift g...
Why Your Hometown Columnist Sucks: Roger Brown
OK, it's just time to say it: Roger Brown makes stuff up. That's the word on the street anyway. When a veteran Northeast Ohio sportswriter such as Hal Lebovitz (and when we say "veteran," we mean "was the last person to interview Custer") levels the charge, we tend to give it weight. Said the late...
The End Of Brett Favre, For Real This Time (Probably)
It has been so long since Packers quarterback Brett Favre was good that it would almost seem mean to continue thrashing him if it weren't for the John Maddens and Peter Kings of the world still treating him like Jack Twist treated Ennis Del Mar. (We imagine SI editors, in the Michelle Williams rol...
The Vikings Meet The Seventh Floor Crew
Sometimes, someone comes up with a concept that's so perfectly in our sweet spot that we can merely stand up and salute, and that's really saying something, because we spend the whole day on our ass....
Clearing The 4 o'clock Table...
• Cleveland 9, Oakland 7. If you watched this one, you're a diehard Browns fan, a diehard Raiders fan, or a person with severe emotional problems, and I'm worried about you. Let's get you some help. • Bengals 41, Detroit 17. Even Chad Johnson knows that it's bad form to celebrate the mundane accom...