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Man Attempts To Extinguish Olympic Torch, Fails
I mean, if you’re going to go through the trouble of acquiring a fire extinguisher, you have to make your shot count. ...

Study: The Rio Olympics Went $1.6 Billion Over Budget
The upcoming Olympics have been marred by the Zika crisis, body parts washing up on a prominent beach, a lack of security, disease-ridden shitwater, and a political meltdown. All these extra-normal maladies have made it somewhat easy to wash over the fact that Rio has created the same boring problem...

Rio Police Officers To Visitors: "Welcome To Hell"
Yesterday, members of the Rio de Janeiro police force staged a protest at the city’s airport, claiming that they haven’t been paid for months and thus will not be able to sufficiently police the city during the Summer Olympics....

Brazilian Soldier Shoots Jaguar Dead After Olympic Torch Ceremony
A Brazilian soldier shot a jaguar after an Olympic torch ceremony Monday in Manaus, Amazonas, after the animal got loose and approached him, according to a report from Reuters....

Rio Declares Financial Emergency, May Not Be Able To Honor Olympic Commitments
Rio de Janeiro’s state government is declaring a state of “public calamity” and says extreme measures must be taken or this summer’s Olympics won’t happen....

Peru Knock Brazil Out Of Copa América On Obvious, Uncalled Handball
Peru earned their first in-competition win over Brazil since 1975 thanks to an incredibly obvious handball that interrupted the game for several minutes and appeared to leave the referee in a state of catatonic confusion....

Study: Rio Olympics Will Expose Athletes To Antibiotics-Resistant Super Bacteria
Athletes and spectators at the Rio Olympics will be exposed to deadly, antibiotics-resistant super bacteria according to two research studies reviewed by Reuters....

MLS Team Not Happy About Brazilian Manager Dissing The League
Washed-up Brazilian legend Kaká was originally left off of his country’s Copa América roster because he is old and past it and plays in MLS, the old-timers’ league. With Brazilian internationals dropping like flies to injury in the lead up to the tournament, manager Dunga eventually did give Kaká a ...

Philippe Coutinho Is Soccer's Ultimate Heat-Check Guy
We’re all familiar with the heat-check guy in basketball. That is a guy, usually a yappy wing player tasked with the sole responsibility of getting buckets from off the bench, who exhibits such outsized confidence in his jumper that, when he gets it going with a few consecutive Js, he’s prone to thr...

The Rio Olympics Velodrome Is Just Never Going To Get Built, Huh
The run up to the Rio Olympics has been marred by concerns over Zika virus, a political meltdown, a massive doping crisis, crumbling infrastructure, and a bay filled with human shit. The list of problems is so long and populated with strange issues that it’s easy to overlook another, far more typica...

Zika And A Political Crisis Have Made The Rio Olympics A Looming Disaster
Writing in the Harvard Public Health Review, University of Ottawa professor of population health Amir Attaran makes a persuasive argument that the outbreak of the Zika virus in Brazil is so dangerous that the upcoming Rio de Janeiro Olympics—scheduled to kick off in 84 days—should be postponed, move...

Rivalry Match In Brazil Ends In Massive Brawl, Sending 5 Fans To Hospital
The gruesome stomping out you see above was just one instance of fan violence that occurred during this weekend’s CSA vs. CRB rivalry match. After the game ended 0-1 in favor of CRB, which won them the local state championship at stake, dozens of opposing fans streamed onto the pitch and started fig...
![Soccer Player Gets His Shin Snapped In Nasty Slide Tackle Collision [Kind Of Gross]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/alwgqsuyupk4dtrxflyi.gif)
Soccer Player Gets His Shin Snapped In Nasty Slide Tackle Collision [Kind Of Gross]
It seems like we see one of these at least once every couple months: two players converging on a ball, one going for the slide while the other keeps a foot in to scoop the ball away, and the latter coming out the other side with a flapping tibia. You probably don’t want to see this, but here’s a gif...

Rogério Ceni, The Goalkeeper Who Thought He Was A Striker, Retires
In his over two decade career, Rogério Ceni scored 131 goals in 1,256 matches for club and country. A goal once every 10 games or so would be a piss-poor return if Ceni was a striker, but he wasn’t. He was a goalkeeper....

Ronaldinho Looks Like He's Had A Hell Of A Week
Life is hard, man....

Ronaldinho Can't Play Soccer Anymore, But He Can't Stop
Watching Ronaldinho in his prime—nipping the ball around defenders with moves you’d either never seen someone pull off in real life or at least never, say, against some of the world’s best defenders, in the middle of the sport’s fiercest rivalry, in front of 80,000 opposing fans, with supporters so ...

Local Committee Backs Gun-Wielding Ref, Say Shit's Real In The Field
Gabriel Murta, the intrepid Brazilian referee who saw fit to break out the strap in order to deal with some violent players, is being defended by the local referee governing body. They explain that while bringing a piece to the pitch may seem extreme, refereeing in Brazil’s lower levels is often so ...

Angry Brazilian Mascot Flips His Shit, Rips Off His Head After Offside Call
Mascots are traditionally meant to bring joy and levity to sporting proceedings, which you’d think would be especially true of O Vovô (the Grandpa), the mascot for Brazilian team Ceará. This guy couldn’t keep his cool after seeing a Ceará goal disallowed though, and blew a gasket....

Brazilian Ref Whips Out A Big-Ass Gun After Getting Assaulted By Player
Look, if lower league refs keep getting punched and kicked and knocked out by irate players, this will be the natural end point of these things. Gabriel Murta’s response to being punched and kicked by a player in an amateur match in Brazil was just ahead of the curve....

This Is Why Teams Put Up With David Luiz, The Defender Who Doesn't Defend
In most minds, at least in the English-speaking world, David Luiz is more of a punchline than a real player with strengths and weaknesses like any other....