chris Page 154 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Chris Mortensen Is Not Well-Liked, According To Sources Close To Adam Schefter
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Look At These Fucking Hoopsters At Lollapalooza
This weekend's Lollapalooza was dubbed "Hoopster Mecca" by one tipster, and after sifting through all the submissions it's clear that the hoopsters made Lollapalooza the site of their Hajj. So, here's part one of a multipart series. Christ, just look at these fucking hoopsters. Part One | Part Two ...

The NFL's Hall Of Fame Enshrinement Speeches, AutoSummarized
For those who missed all the speechifying Saturday in Canton—during which Rickey Jackson made Emmitt Smith sound like Cicero, and Chris Berman spent 22 minutes committing what I'm certain were several felony counts of public masturbation—we offer a summary....

Cal Second-String Wide Receiver Is Third-Rate Rapper
For senior Alex "Loggy" Lagemann, the upcoming football season couldn't have come at a worse time: the addition of practices, study halls, and games to his schedule will only take valuable time away from his true passion: making awful, awful rap music....

Donovan McNabb Has A Small Child In His Locker
Click to view Don't call Chris Hansen; Chris Cooley put it there to leap out and scare McNabb after the new QB finishes up with the media. Spoiler alert: it works. [Cooley Zone]...

The Trick Shot Controversies Continue
The semantics battle between trick-shot crews continues today after news surfaced of a third claimant to the "world's farthest/longest/other synonym" shot title. Meet the corn-pone spitfires that make up the East Side trick-shot crew....

Look At This Fucking Hoopster; Or, The Decline Of Western Civilization
Previously we noticed the uptick in hipsters wearing NBA jerseys and asked for your help in exposing more of these monsters. You did not disappoint. So click around and just look at these fucking hoopsters....

Tan, Large-Breasted Brazilian Runs On The Field
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Our First Pie-Related Injury Of The Season Not Involving Prince Fielder
Chris Coghlan heads to the DL, and could need surgery for a torn meniscus suffered while smushing a shaving cream pie in Wes Helms's face after another Marlins walk-off win. The cake vs. pie debate claims another victim. [MLB.com]...

Chris Paul Is No Less Of A Cocksucker Than LeBron James
Despite their "productive" meeting today, Chris Paul still wants out of New Orleans. The breakup-in-progress has been very public, and very heartbreaking for Hornets fans. So why do we give Paul a pass while we continue to pile on LeBron?...

Deadspin Classic: Stephon Marbury Is Puzzled By My Godlessness
Contrary to earlier reports out of China, Stephon Marbury says he's still holding out hope of signing with the Heat. Three years ago, I sat down with Marbury, and the two of us discussed other providential matters....

Cancel Christmas, Cristiano Ronaldo Isn't Getting Married!
At least twenty minutes this morning have been spent scooping oozing chunks of warm egg from The Spoiler's face. Not an embarrassing breakfast mishap, you understand, but a clever metaphor....

RIP Paul Bissonnette's Twitter
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

We Want To See Your Ironic NBA Jerseys (UPDATE)
Yesterday, we posted a quicklink to The Faster Times's gallery of indie bros wearing NBA jerseys at the Pitchfork Festival. It's a fascinating phenomenon, a game even, as if they're actively trying to wear the most ridiculous NBA jersey imaginable....

Someone Just Told Julio Borbon He Has To Spend 14 Innings In Detroit
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Read This Now: The True Story Of The <em>Price Is Right</em> Perfect Bid Scandal
Chris Jones, he of that other really good Roger Ebert piece, has a story in the recent Esquire about the time card-counter Terry Kniess guesstimated a perfect bid and pissed off Drew Carey in the process. [Esquire]...

David Ortiz Swears In Spanish During Home Run Derby, Announcers Hilariously Mistranslate
During his first round of derbying, David Ortiz took a break to wipe himself down and sip some of Rafael Soriano's Gatorade. Then he said "pussy" in Spanish, and Berman and Joe Morgan thought he meant something else. Let's break it down....

Last Night's Winner: People With Functioning Mute Buttons
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Home Run Derby viewers who mercifully put Chris Berman on mute and didn't hear him say "backbackback" all night. For you, we've made this little video....

Pro Football Hall Of Fame Awards, Woooop, Slide Back, Back, Back Into Irrelevance
Awful, awful leatherhead Chris Berman is the recipient of this year's Pete Rozelle Radio-Television Award, an award that had been previously given to actual sportscasters like Pat Summerall for their "exceptional contributions" to TV pigskin. World, stop honoring this man....

And You Thought LeBron Signing Would Be The End Of Unsourced Rumors
In an article that should probably have been in the gossip section, Chris Paul reportedly toasted at Carmelo Anthony's wedding to a "Big 3" of them and Amar'e Stoudemire in New York. It's ludicrous, but let Knicks fans have this. [NY Post]...