deadspin Page 359 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
We Don't Know If There's Anything Wrong With Us Because We Don't Know How Other People Are
We didn't ask for a shrink; that must've been somebody else. Also, that pudding isn't ours. Also, we're wearing this suit today because we had a very important meeting this morning and we don't have a crying problem....
Week In Deadspin: Don't Drink And Whine
• What happens when you drink three Zimas. • Mean things to do to your baby. • When they said Ben Roethlisberger needed to get it through his thick skull, that's not quite what they meant. • Guess what, folks? Turns out we suck at soccer. • David Hirshey is a much better writer than we are. • We've ...
Pull The String! Pull The String!
This story's gonna grab people. It's about this guy, he's crazy about this girl ... but he likes to wear dresses. Should he tell her? Should he not tell her? He's torn, Georgie. This is drama!...
Week In Review: Life Begins At 45
• Come party with Carl Lewis. • Victor Conte likes to bring the rock. • Who would have thought Jim Bob Cooter capable of such a thing? • It's the NBA Finals, and we can never get enough of our man Mark Cuban. • So did Frank Solich dope himself, or didn't he? • It's ant soccer! • Rick Reilly, stand...
You Can't Fight In Here! This Is The War Room!
Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face. We can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily f...
Week In Deadspin: He Sees All
• Carl Monday, Freedom Fighter. • George Bodenheimer is a fool for romance. • Larry Hughes puts his clothes where his heart is. • How have we survived without Roger Clemens in our lives? • Your two-time NBA MVP. • Carson Palmer, cornholer. • We have World Cup fever, and we're not the least bit ash...
You Is Talking Loco ... And We Like It!
We hear words like "beauty" and "handsomness" and "incredibly chiseled features," and for us, that's like a vanity of self-absorption that we try to steer clear of....
Week In Deadspin: "Get Away From Me, Carl Monday!"
• So we probably don't need to say much more about our new friends Mike Cooper and Carl Monday. • If only people loved themselves as much as they love a horse. • ESPN anchors are now GQ models. History will not think of us well, people. • Careful of those trampolines, kiddo. • Pat Robertson is pac...
And To Think That In Some Countries These Dogs Are Eaten
Excuse us if this is off the subject a little bit ... but just take a guess at how much we can bench press. Come on, what do you think? Take a guess. 315 pounds, maxing out at 400! Ha!...
Week In Deadspin: You're With Us, Neil
• Dirk Nowitzki loves David Hasselhoff. • Even with no mullet, we'll still miss Doug Flutie. • Neil Everett has balls of steel. You're with us, Neil! • Hey, look, it's the Atlanta Hawks mascot on a moped. • Ron Zook rocks your ass into next Tuesday. • College baseball's version of Sofia Coppola (t...
Purple In The Morning, Blue In The Afternoon And Orange In The Evening
Soon, millions of people will see us, and they'll all like us. We'll tell them about you, and your father, how good he was to us. Remember? It's a reason to get up in the morning. It's a reason to lose weight ... to fit in the red dress. It's a reason to smile. It makes tomorrow all right. What have...
Hello, Boston!
As that picture brings you back to the immortal "Does "More Than A Feeling" Really Have The Same Guitar Riff As "Smells Like Teen Spirit?" argument, we let you know that we are going back out on the road. (Book promotion never ends.) As soon as we finish up this here site today, we're heading Bost...
Week In Deadspin: "George Clooney! You Been Readin' About All That?"
• Rick Sutcliffe makes Harry Caray proud. • First we brought you Chris Berman poetry, and then we introduced you to the T-shirt that will change your life. • Rasslin' for Jesus. • The view from the Churchill Downs infield. • Lord, these guys are awesome. • O.J. Simpson is keeping himself busy. • T...
You're With Us, Shameless Consumerism
Someone emailed us today letting us know that, for their birthday, their friend was buying them one of the "You're With Me, Leather" T-shirts. We were touched and honored by this, though, to be fair, it doesn't take much to touch or honor us....
Goodyear? No, The Worst
Well, sorry, but when we see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, we shoot the bastards. That's our policy....
We're Hitting The Road
One of the best parts of this job is that we can do it from anywhere. We don't have an office, and even though we spend most of the time on our couch, that's more out of choice than of necessity. We could be in Boise, Boston or Bangkok doing this site, and no one would know, and it would not matter....
Week In Deadspin: Hello, Horsehide
• Florida won the national championship in a tremendously boring Final Four. • Anna Benson renewed our faith in romance. • We introduced the Daily Closer as baseball spread its yearly seed all over our loins yet again. It turned out not to be the best day for Derek Lowe. • Beware of Jenn Sterger's...
You'll Find A Pair Of Safety Glasses And Some Earplugs Under Your Seat. Please Feel Free To Use Them.
You sponsors have it real easy. We never had it like this where we grew up. But we send our kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich, and you're going to stay rich. But here's our advice to the rest of ...
Week In Deadspin: Contracting The Bensons
• Officer Selig Fife is finally on the case. • "Bristol Is Big Ten Country" • George Mason Fever is a contagious condition, and if you don't stop scratching, it'll never go away. • Way too much information from Roger Clemens and Peter King. • The Duke lacrosse team story went from horrifying to "h...
Don't Call Us Stupid
Our sponsors think the Gettsyburg Address is where Lincoln lived....