dell Page 43 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The NFL Would Like To Have A Little Talk With You About Sex
Does the NFL give its players sex advice? Of course it does! This is a league that tells its players how to tuck in their uniforms, has an approximately 600-word definition of what a catch is, and has its employees sign an “integrity of the game” honor code. So why not give its players The Talk?...
The NFL's Dumbass Deflategate Science Report Is A Feature, Not A Bug
Last night, a mountain of documents and transcription emerged from Tom Brady’s late June appeal hearing before Roger Goodell. It’s been a circus, with a series of insults, emails, and sneaker requests to Tom Ford pouring out of the file cabinet, but the testimony most relevant to the case circles ba...
The Full Story Of Tom Brady's Destroyed Cell Phone
The biggest revelation from Roger Goodell’s decision upholding Tom Brady’s four-game suspension was that Brady’s cell phone was destroyed shortly before meeting with Ted Wells and his investigators, even though he knew Wells wanted access to the contents of his text messages. Here is how Wells descr...
Here's The "Integrity Of The Game" Honor Code The NFL Says Brady Broke
For the first time—as far as we can tell—the NFL’s secret honor oath has become public, as part of the NFLPA’s lawsuit over Tom Brady’s suspension. It’s this “Integrity Of The Game Certification” upon which the NFL has hinged its four-game ban on the Patriots quarterback, and yet the text of this ho...
Tom Brady Lied And Killed Babies With His Lies
It’s the day after the NFL’s bombshell revelation—all revelations must be BOMBSHELL—that Tom Brady destroyed his cell phone before NFL investigators could get their hands on it and use it to expose his plots. But he destroyed more than just his cell phone that day, fair reader … HE DESTROYED OUR NAT...
Taste Roger Goodell's Wrath With Our NFL Punishment Generator
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is a ruddy incompetent who draws out decisions on punishing league employees in order to soak up the most positive attention he can. Until now, fans have only been to take part in this experience as third parties. Thanks to the NFL Punishment Generator, though, you too...
Here Are 20 Sentences From Roger Goodell's Tom Brady Decision
The NFL has issued a stirring 20-page decision on the issue of New England quarterback Tom Brady’s four-game suspension. In it, Roger Goodell makes the case for upholding his own decision by citing evidence gathered by the NFL’s investigatory arm and a nominally independent law firm. It reads about ...
NFLPA Calls Tom Brady's Upheld Suspension "Outrageous," Will Appeal
The NFLPA has released its reaction to Roger Goodell’s decision to uphold Tom Brady’s four-game suspension. The association plans to appeal, and Brady has reportedly given the go-ahead to appeal in federal court....
Report: "Influential" NFL Owners Pushing For Full Tom Brady Suspension
Roger Goodell is expected to hand down a decision on Tom Brady’s Ballghazi appeal any day now. (Whichever day it comes, it will almost certainly be announced at 5:30 p.m.) Here’s a Pro Football Talk report that claims Brady’s camp and the NFL have held talks on a potential settlement that would take...
Looking For A Job? Apply To Be The NFL's New Director Of Investigations!
Want to aid the NFL in its quest to rid itself of the scourge that is player misconduct? Ever find yourself shaking your head at the bone-headed mistakes that ruin one of their innumerable faulty investigations? Think you can do better? Then by all means, apply here for the league’s newest position,...
Roger Goodell Has More To Lose Than Tom Brady
In just a few minutes, at the NFL office at 345 Park Avenue, Tom Brady will begin his appeal of his four-game suspension for his role in the Patriots’ ball-deflation scandal. And while drama and reality dictate that I say something like “he’ll be facing off against Roger Goodell,” that’s not technic...
RIP To Matthew Dellavedova And His Terrible, Beautiful Lob Passes
For a minute there, it looked like Matthew Dellavedova, little try-hard that he is, was going to become a Finals hero for the Cleveland Cavaliers. That didn’t really work out, but that’s not to say that Delly didn’t provide us with a great deal of entertainment, because oh man did this guy do some h...
Dingy Goon Matthew Dellawhatever Is Giving Up Coffee Before Games
After being hospitalized for dehydration when Game 3 ended, War Boy with hair Matthew Dellavedova says he’ll skip his usual tradition of having coffee before a game and during halftime, because he thinks it might be affecting his on-court performance....
NRL Star Unleashes Bloodcurdling Scream After Arm Broken On Live TV
Ben Ross made his name in Australia’s NRL as one of rugby league’s toughest dudes. That makes watching his arm get snapped in half during an arm wrestling match Thursday night—broadcast live Down Under on Nine Network....
The Cavs' Injuries Are The Best Thing That Could Have Happened To Them
You will find no postgame quotes from unlikely finals hero Matthew Dellavedova. Rather than making it to the interview room for his scheduled podium appearance, Dellavedova received an IV the locker room, walked out to the parking garage, hopped on a stretcher and was loaded into an ambulance and ta...
The Cavaliers Defense Is A Vise, Slowly Crushing The Warriors To Death
Okay, what the hell are the Cavaliers doing on defense? Because after three games of absolutely pummeling the Warriors offense, this clearly isn’t a fluke. Here is a partial list of things the Cavs defense perpetrated on Golden State in Game 3:...
Matthew Dellavedova's Night, In 30 Seconds
Alleged worst player in the finals to get major minutes Matthew Dellavedova had a huge night in helping the Cavaliers take a 2-1 NBA Finals series lead over the Warriors. Here’s his highlight reel....
Roger Goodell Will Hear Tom Brady's Appeal, Says "My Mind Is Open"
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has denied the NFLPA’s request to recuse himself from overseeing Tom Brady’s appeal of his four-game Ballghazi suspension. He insists that he can be a fair and unbiased administrator, even though he was the one who handed down the suspension in the first place:...
The NFL's Useful Idiots Are At It Again
Now that the Chicago Bears have released defensive end Ray McDonald—who was previously investigated for sexual assault and yesterday was arrested on charges of domestic violence for the second time in a year—a chorus of NFL media stooges have begun squawking for someone to do something about all of ...