Tom Brady Lied And Killed Babies With His Lies

It’s the day after the NFL’s bombshell revelation—all revelations must be BOMBSHELL—that Tom Brady destroyed his cell phone before NFL investigators could get their hands on it and use it to expose his plots. But he destroyed more than just his cell phone that day, fair reader … HE DESTROYED OUR NATIONAL INNOCENCE.

Yes, the Brady takes have come in, and they are every bit as fucking insane as I could hope for. I just want to boil them in a spoon and suck ’em up with a syringe and shoot them right into my eyeball. We got Plaschke. We got Florio. We got Doyel. We got a fucking Golden Corral of takes, and we’re breaking them down this week in the Deadcast. THE TAKES ARE BACK. MORON SEASON IS IN FULL BLOOM.

If you have anything you’d like to hear discussed on the podcast, just send it in to [email protected] with the subject line DEADCAST. You can listen to the show here or download it over at the iTunes store. And now, kick back and listen to these historic takes.

Photo via Getty