duan Page 161 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

For Your Viewing Pleasure: The Worst Mizzou Volleyball Team Rap Ever
The Missouri women's volleyball team's official "Spirit Group," VolleyZou, found an enterprising group of young men with Missouri apparel, a gold cart, a video camera, and lots of gumption and commissioned them to make this, whatever this is....

What Roger Federer Actually Said In That ESPN Interview
Earlier, we drew your attention to a minor hubbub over Roger Federer's interview with Pam Shriver, during which his audio cut out for several highly suspicious seconds. What could he have said, we wondered? Well, now we have an answer....

If You Want To Break Up With Your Girlfriend, Don't Tell Her You Died Of Cancer, And Then Get Photographed At The Louisville Game With A "Big White Girl"
Oh lord. Kids today, with their Facebooks, and MyBooks, and cancer scams, and roomy white chicks....

"World's Largest Bobblehead" Is A Hideous Abomination
Alternate title: how a 14-year-old boy spent the worst summer vacation ever....

White Trash Battle Royale!!!
Notre Dame. Purdue. Shirtless dudes. Three roomy chicks. You know the rest....

Sun Devil Makes Sweet, Public Love to Himself
According to tipster Evan, this is a photo of "Sparky with a boner doing push-ups" after a score in yesterday's riveting Arizona State/Portland State game. He was particularly entertained by guy and lad watching. Me too....

Comedian Robert Schimmel Ponders the Kobe "Rape," Rips Total Gym Roid Freaks and Dies
In particular order ......

The Camera Will Always Love Joakim Noah
We get so many of these photos that I begin to wonder if Joakim Noah will ever enjoy an undocumented moment in public or at his local head shop. At least he seems to relish these encounters. I mean, look....

Hey, Everybody, College Football's Back
College football makes its big honking return tonight. There's a fairly full slate of games to watch, so how would you like an open thread?...

Now Iran Wants To Wipe Cheerleaders Off The Face Of The Planet
International competitions teach us a lot about cultural sensitivity. But sometimes the kumbaya stuff goes too far. Like when cheerleaders have to cover up during one of our basketball games, lest an Iranian player pop an infidel boner or something....

Remembering Those Halcyon Days Of The U.S. Open When Tennis Players Could Freely Call An Umpire An "Abortion," Twice
"You are an abortion," Jimmy Connors says to a U.S. Open umpire in the video above, along about the 3:30 mark. "You are an abortion, do you know that?" The umpire nods gravely, almost as if to say, hmm, yes, it's possible....

Broncos Fans Try To Make The Tebow Haircut A Thing
Two men wearing matching Tebow jerseys as well as matching "Friar Tuck"-style bald caps and wigs. What isn't there to like about this picture?...

Wu Tang Raetz Ain't No One To F*ck Wit
Dennis Raetz is described as "Indiana State University's most successful football coach." Rarefied air, for sure, but Raetz also went batshit loco after Terre Haute North converted a two-pointer to beat Terre Haute South. Fist to pressbox-glass style, yo....

Ejected Minor League Manager Swipes, Signs and Gives First Base to a Fan
The State College Spikes played the Batavia Muckdogs last night in some short-season Class A New York Penn League action, as if you didn't already know....

Tiki Barber's Young Girlfriend Pens Icky Memoir, Promptly Called Homewrecking Whore
Two days ago, Crushable.com published an odd story written by Traci Johnson, the young blonde thing Tiki took up with after he separated from his pregnant wife (so he says). Readers were not impressed....

Look At This Fucking Hoopster: "Isaiah Rider" And "Tyson Chandler" Hang At Rock The Bells
An occasional feature in which we spotlight the ridiculous trend of recontextualized basketball jerseys. Today: Isaiah "Don't Call Me J.R." Rider and Tyson Chandler....

MLB Confidential: The Fallout
Everyone is yelling at the Marlins; the A's might be collateral damage; and Chief Inspector Bud Selig is on the case. A look at the aftermath to our MLB Confidential series....

Hungover Owls? Hungover Owls.
Sports, schmorts. Gaze upon all that is wonderful, all that is right, all that is Hungover Owls. You can finally retire that Tumblr you never update because you're not doing better than Hungover Owls....

Stay Tuned For Tomorrow's Texas Rangers MLB Finance Party
No, it won't require nearly as much whipped cream as Josh Hamilton's festive night, but it will be fascinating to those of you who enjoy armchair accounting and watching us be nuisances....

Apocalypslam Now
Whole world's coming to an end, Mal. So why not pick up a copy of former UFC light-heavyweight champion Forrest Griffin's think-piece on a post-apocalyptic Earth?...