duan Page 176 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
2009 World Series, Game One: It Begins
It's time to start the Greatest World Series Matchup Ever Imagined. Unless you hate the Yankees. Or the Phillies. Or Derek Jeter. Or if you're from Cleveland. But everyone else is going to love it....
Danny Snyder Doesn't Like Your Heartfelt Signage
Dan Steinberg found this in a trash can outside FedEx Field, where pretty much every form of human expression has been banned. It's clear: Dan Snyder is just a moustache and a pogrom or two short of being Joseph Stalin....
Searching For Jose Lima: Next Stop...Dominican Republic
Lost in all the chaos of last week was the news that our half-assed search for Jose Lima at the behest of his ex-wife Melissa, may have actually proved successful. Lima Time is currently taking place for the Águilas Cibaeñas...
Do You Believe In Omens?
If you do, I hope you're not a Yankee fan like me. Because the cracks are starting to show....
Just So You Know, John Madden Would Have Done This Too If He Only Knew How To Print
Rarely has a telestrator been utilized to articulate a message so clearly. It appears one enterprising broadcaster for Raycom felt the need to send a message to someone somewhere during the Georgia Tech-Virginia game. What was he trying to say?...
Mutton But The Truth
I can think of no better way to end this week than with a photo of a bootless child being maimed by a haughtily superior sheep as a rodeo clown tries vainly to help. Unpack this metaphor as you will....
ESPN Horndog Dossier: The Glossary And Denouement (JED DRAKE UPDATE)
We'll end this scandal-ridden ride on the back of the scorpion with a more general story about the behavior many ESPN employees past and present engage in as part of the "travel" crew. And where's there's road, there is beef....
Searching For Jose Lima: Readers Lend A Hand
Yesterday, we posted the email correspondence between us and our new bestfriendf4evah, Melissa Lima, who, for some daffy reason, is having trouble tracking down her ex-husband, pitcher Jose Lima. Many readers have offered to pitch in....
StubHub Offering Great Deals On Mythical Mets-Cubs World Series Tickets
For baseball fans who have seen their teams' championship dreams already extinguished, October is the cruelest month. So it doesn't help when some mean website rubs salt in the wounds with offers of imaginary playoff tickets....
Duke Is Back, And They Are Melodramatic
There are some unfamiliar names on this year's Blue Devils squad. Thankfully, they're making sure they give us things to make fun of them for....
Nightmare Ant Will Have His Revenge On DUAN
Gah! Run for your lives! The Thing That Should Not Be has returned to continue his reign of terror. And he looks hungry....
Two Men And A Little Tommy
Kobe Byrant, the newly single Frank McCourt, and a very sleepy Tommy Lasorda took in Game 2 of the NLCS today. Of course, this was in the fourth inning, so the trio is probably already eating dinner in Malibu....
Phillies-Dodgers Is Just Like Bloods-Crips, Insane Person Writes
Stu Bykofsky is the Philly Daily News' house lunatic who writes like he's corresponding from prison and who believes another 9/11 is just the thing to put some hair on America's chest. Care to hear his thoughts on Phillies-Dodgers?...
Phillies, Angels Team Up To Stop Yankees
A simple error by the MLB web team or wishful thinking by our Buddy Bud? Or is C.C. Sabathia so intimidating it takes the Angels lineup and all four Philly starters to bring him down?...
The Roller Derby Twins Spectacle
I was a little alarmed to find out the NY Times did a huge feature on Katie and Kristy Barry, two nice young woman whom I had the pleasure of meeting for a drink a couple weeks ago....
Deanna Favre Is Also A Fan Of The Custom Jersey
It's our first celebrity entry in the custom joke jersey derby. In this case, a creative Vikings fan thumbs his nose at Packers GM Ted Thompson on behalf of the whole Favre family. At least it's not about revenge!...
Sean Salisbury And The Infinite Sadness (UPDATE)
More bad news. It appears his home in Frisco, Texas is not in good shape according to these legal looking documents that suggest he's a little behind on his payments....
Stafon Johnson Appreciates The Ironic T-Shirt
USC running back Stafon Johnson seems to be doing pretty well, considering he was nearly decapitated by a barbell just days ago. Well enough to pose for pictures with his matching tracheostomy tube and weightlifting t-shirt, anyway....
The Pacific Boxer Does Not Wish You Sweet Dreams Tonight
Pacific University—not to be confused with The University of the Pacific—has a mascot who likes to play tennis. He may also be the Gatekeeper of Gozer, but I wouldn't worry too much about that....