et Page 1972 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Spanish Soccer Club Goes The Sperm-Bank Porn Route To Sell Season Tickets (NSFW)
It's probably difficult to cultivate much of a season-ticket fan base when you're a soccer team in the Madrid suburbs. This is Getafe FC's burden. This is Getafe FC's blessing....

Presenting Slo-Mo Video Of A Little League Player Taking A Baseball To The Face
Your morning roundup for Aug. 20, the ninth day that Delonte West will wake up hoping Home Depot calls. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors. (Video from California's 11-0 win over Rhode Island H/T Shaun B). ...

This Evening: Thanks To ESPN, Matt Hasselbeck's Hair Has Grown Back
Your p.m. roundup for Aug. 19, the day your oxygen tank totally took away from our enjoyment of classical music. H/T to Pony_Express for the screen grab. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

The Chinese Basketball Association Doesn't Want Kobe Bryant To Play Next Season, Either
One nice, unproductive distraction from the lockout has been to speculate about which NBA players will spend the lockout playing in China, Turkey, and, somehow, England. But now the Chinese Basketball Association has gone and deprived us even of that pleasure, announcing today that it would not perm...

Before It Went To War With China, Georgetown Was Quite Excited About Its Overseas Mission
Georgetown University sent a hype-man of an email to graduates and others in June. Oh, what could have been if things didn't devolve to diplomacy decimation with the quickness....

Bartolo Colon-O-Meter: Judgment Without Pity
Bartolo Colon, Yankee pitcher and existential protagonist, found himself beset by 14 men last night. Nine of his antagonists were Kansas City Royals hitters-including Billy Butler, who launched a fly ball to somewhere around the top of the outfield fence in the third inning. Four more of his opponen...

China Would Prefer Not To Dwell On Any Incident That May Or May Not Have Occurred Between Georgetown And The People's Liberation Army
Here's the online front page of the state-run English-language China Daily this afternoon. Welcome to China, Joe Biden! Hey, wasn't that goodwill mission supposed to include a basketball game?...

The 2011 Hater's Guide To The Top 25
It’s that time of year again. Time to bust out the old roasting pan and say despicable, awful, horrible things about every team in the college football Top 25. Join me, won’t you? Please note: The following guide contains words, which may be an issue for those of you who attend Auburn. As a safety p...

Here's Video Of The Georgetown-China On-Court Fight
Via @bubbaprog at SportsGrid....

Wilson Chandler: Probably Not Gay
Wilson Chandler almost made history last night. You'll recognize that this seems impossible—the NBA is locked out, and Wilson Chandler is probably not skilled enough to make NBA history, except as the league's Swingmanniest Swingman, even when the pros are in session....

Georgetown Brawls With Chinese Team
This is not how you do a goodwill tour....

Knock Out Chris Rix, Win Five Grand: Here's Your Price List For The Miami Hurricanes' Alleged Football Bounties
In Charles Robinson's Miami shitstorm investigation, Hurricanes booster Nevin Shapiro claims that he issued bounties for in-game achievements and targets. We've compiled them for your convenience. Here are the players who supposedly collected:...

I Hope Andy Dalton's Head Was Worth $20K To Ndamukong Suh
Ndamukong Suh burst into the NFL by trying to wrench Jake Delhomme's skull from his torso, perhaps to keep on his mantel. Suh seems to be making a habit of thinning the mediocre QB herd in preseason, with this weekend's takedown of Cincinnati's Andy Dalton....

The Hidden Victim Of Yahoo Sports' Miami Report: Former Florida Guard Teddy DuPay
Yesterday's Yahoo Sports dressing-down of The U included all the usual NCAA hand-wringing: illegal cars, strippers, and cash. We got a little excited because stripper abortions and bowling Donna Shalala were involved. (Anytime there's an investigation this big, there has to be the littlest bit of so...

Torii Hunter Gets Trapped In An Oxygen Chamber, Pisses In a Bottle, Tweets
In need of a little rejuvenation after the Angels' 7-3 loss last night to the Rangers, Torii Hunter entered a clubhouse oxygen chamber, thinking that would do the trick. It's not known what happened next—whether Hunter stayed in the chamber too long and was forgotten about, or whether no one realiz...

Video: A Clown's-Eye View Of This Weekend's Gathering Of The Juggalos (NSFW)
Animal New York's Bucky Turco joined me at the 12th annual Gathering this past weekend. He fearlessly tracked down the most wretched photographs and videos to be found at the campground. Here's a brief sampling. Do not watch this at work....

Dropping In On The Demented Utopia Of The Gathering Of The Juggalos
I have infinite shortcomings as a Juggalette, but here are my two main ones: I can't say "titties" with a straight face, even when my face is covered with clown makeup. And I do not have any desire ever to show my own titties to crowds of ravenous young men I do not know. Many women at the 12th annu...

Watch Batting Stance Guy's Creepily Accurate Impressions Of All Your Least Favorite MLB Reporters
There's Terrorized Tim Kurkjian, precious Pedro Gomez, particular Peter Gammons, and Jon fucking Heyman....

Football Back! Rex Ryan Smash!
Jesus, Rex, It's the first preseason game. Greg McElroy was in at quarterback....

Vermont Discovers The Joy Of Low-Flying Basketball
Lots of young white men have been dunking basketballs in northern Vermont this summer. In about a decade of watching and playing a lot of high school basketball in the Green Mountain State, I saw a total of four successful dunks in live game play. One of those, I remember, came in the 2002 boys' s...