et Page 2034 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Meet Your New Undersized, Scraptastic, Very White New England Sports Cult Hero: Danny Woodhead
Danny Woodhead, the Jets castoff and Rex Ryan-anointed "little fucker," made his Patriots debut yesterday and is already being touted as the economy-sized Wes Welker. Chief among these proponents is Dan Shaughnessy. Of course. Let's look at the best of the worst....

Shaun Smith Can't Stop Grabbing Guys' Packages
A week after the Chiefs DE was accused of, erm, manhandling Cleveland's (The Secret World Of) Alex Mack, San Fran's Anthony Davis comes forward to show on the doll where Smith touched him. "He tried to feel me. That's weird, right?" Right....

Weekend Winner: New York Jets, Enablers
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like alleged drunk driver Braylon Edwards, whose blood alcohol content was twice the legal limit not a week before he scored the touchdown that put the Jets ahead for good....

This Bit of Hard Knocks Fan Fiction Includes A Talking Mustachioed Butt
Ines Sainz. Football. Ass. On-field chaos. The sexy. The unsexy. Yep, this Tauntr video essentially captures most of the overarching themes of today's posts....

Oh Look, The Mets Are Still Whining About Chase Utley
Listen, Chase Utley's Friday Night Slide into Ruben Tejada (video here) was a little over-the-top; not just because the Mets are as harmful a foe as a bike helmet, but because he went behind the bag at 'em....

Mike Singletary Doesn't Handle Criticism Well
Remember that whole "Mike Singletary Doesn't Much Like Talking" post from seven days ago this very minute? Fine, refresh yourself....

Jeff Garcia and Maurice Clarett Make America A Sadder Place
Until its inevitable death next month, the United Football League will serve as an outlet for almost-rans to continue playing despite not getting tapped into the NFL steel-cage match. That's a good thing. I guess....

The One Where A Lady Sends Us Pictures Of Her Boobs In The Hope Of Getting A Job (NSFW)
Welcome back to Deleted Scenes. If you're new, read this to figure out what we do here. If not, well, let's get down to business. (NSFW)...

Carmelo Anthony To Join Forces With Russian Oligarch, Lopez Twin
Things are heating up as the Nets are in talks to send Devin Harris and Derrick Favors elsewhere and acquire Carmelo Anthony. You know a trade is complicated when the Bobcats somehow stand to dramatically improve....

Ryan Mallett Is A Big Fan Of Erin Andrews, Sadomasochism
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Brilliant Details From The Fabled Terrell Owens, Hugh Douglas Fistfight
Former Philadelphia Eagles special-teamer Jason Short spoke to NBC's Out Of Bounds about things he remembers from his playing days like concussions, wedge-busting, Iggles fans, concussions, Sean Morey's concussions, and concussions. But one section about T.O. is pretty hilarious....

Let's Not Start Sucking Each Other's Vicks Quite Yet
You might be aware, our esteemed editor is an Eagles fan. You might be aware, he thinks Michael Vick is the best football player in the universe ever. Hold on there, bucko....

Fireman Ed Charged With Assault For Preseason Shoving Match
Remember when the Jets superfan took on an intoxicated Giants fan? Apparently, putting drunks in their place is a crime. Ed's been charged with simple assault. It's a baseless charge, but Ed's still a dickhole. [Star-Ledger]...

Ines Sainz Rips Women's Media Group A New One
Sainz basically told the Association for Women in Sports Media to go fuck off, she doesn't want their help. She also had harsh words for the journos and columnists covering the story. Please don't hate us, Ines....

And Now A Return To Terrible Normalcy
Good day? Great day. Thanks again to the crew at Fire Joe Morgan for choosing us as their re-reunion destination. It was a joy to read and was enough of a break for me to get really, really pissed about tacos....

It's Gallimaufry Time!
If you thought we're being lazy for only doing this once a year, imagine how lazy you'll think we're being when we make one of our entries the......

EXTRA! EXTRA! Jeter Has Best Year Yet!
Have you heard that Derek Jeter's having an off year? It's total horseshit! Derek Jeter is the sixth-best hitter in baseball this year. It's completely true!...

The Jets Introduced A Car Service For Players The Week Before Braylon Edwards's DUI
As pointed out this morning (and ReTweeted by Peter King — cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria), the most galling thing about Edwards driving drunk is the sheer number of alternatives. Here's another one: the Jets provide free cars and drivers....

You Catch A Helmet At A Football Game, You Get Yourself A Radio Interview
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the guy who caught Brandon Jacobs's helmet....

This Is Supposedly Braylon Edwards' Mugshot
Photo: Sent to us by a reader who had a "Buddy in the NYPD."...