et Page 2111 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

If They Were Athletes: The Robots From <i>Mega Man II</i>
You've thought to yourself, "Y'know, those extremely agile and powerful Nintendo characters would be great at sports." But who would they be, if manifested in reality?...

And You Thought Tony Parker Was Excited About The Richard Jefferson Trade
The Spurs guard was in Paris this week, celebrating his brother's birthday with a bottle of champagne worth more than my life. [Faded Youth Blog]...

Your Awkward And Vaguely Racist Video of the Day: Black Olympics
If you are a connoisseur of sophisticated social satire in the tradition of Mark Twain and Jonathan Swift, prepare yourself for Martellus Bennett's latest opus. It is entitled-simply, eloquently-Black Olympics....

Why Your Stadium Sucks: Oriole Park At Camden Yards
This is a weekly feature in which I (and maybe you, too, readers) detail the various reasons for hating your ballpark. This week: Oriole Park at Camden Yards....

Lenny Dykstra Gets Played Off
I'm generally unmoved by popular internet memes but, dammit, I just can't help myself when it comes to Keyboard Cat. Luckily, Gawker video samurai Mike Byhoff shares my love of The Cat and put this together for us....

The One Where Jay Mariotti Shows Off His Formidable Lady-Killing Technique
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

NBA Playoffs + Unrelated Movie = Genius
At best it's a blunt instrument to pound LAND OF THE LOST into every NBA fan's head. At worst it's a weird attempt at subliminal persuasion. But we can all agree that those NBA Playoffs/summer movie crosspromotions are unbelievably annoying....

Bah, He's Safe
Daniel Murphy resorts to Globetrotter trickery to help save the Mets season. This will not be enough. [ESPN]...

Playing For Pittsburgh Makes Ian Snell Depressed
Add Ian Snell to the list of baseball players struggling with mental issues this season. The good news is that he seems to found a causal link between his crippling depression and playing baseball for the Pittsburgh Pirates....

<em>Tennessean</em> Brings Out The Dead, Asks About Exciting New Line Of Restaurants
Here's the front page of the Tennessean's weekly Davidson A.M. edition, which is one of those zoned supplements that go yellow on your lawn and contain nothing but Zales ads and the occasional fluffy interview with a dead person....

Hypospadias And You: An In-Depth Study Of Bong Dick
I live in the DC area and I have a baby boy, so it's only natural that scientists have now discovered that DC drinking water might be deforming baby boy's genitals. WOOHOO!...

Swoosh Denies LBJ Dunk Cover-Up, Unconvincingly
The flash, apparently official: Nike is now making the implausible case that the two hapless videographers at the LeBron James Skills Academy had flouted a longstanding, super-inviolate "no videotaping" commandment and therefore had to be frisked....

<i>Baseball Wives</i> Teaches Your Wife About "Road Beef"
The E! True Hollywood Story is documentary TV for people who don't really want to know about what actually goes on in the world. So why is it educating our nation's moms about the concept of "road beef"?...

All You Can Eat, With A Side Order Of Cardiac Disease
One $34 ticket to a Twins game gets you a bleacher seat and free food — everything but beer and ice cream sundaes —so fans are loading up for their sleep-induced hibernation until Brett Favre arrives. [AP]...

Live-Streaming The Love Life And After-Life Of Steve McNair
McNair's best friend Robert Gaddy says, despite all glaring indications, Mechelle and Steve weren't getting for a divorce. Nope, the happy couple was buying a new home together. Now stop asking him about the 20-year-old girlfriend....

The Laws Of Patriotism Will Require You To Root For Coach K In 2012
So, we learned yesterday, Mike Krzyzewski is expected to supplement his day job with a Team USA summer gig for the next three years. "All leads point to Coach K coming back," Jerry Colangelo said. And isn't that joyous!...

Leitch And Drew On Vomiting, Dipping, Commenting, Simmons, And Other Essentials
Your Deadcast guest this week is Leitch. It's a nice departure from all those weeks of talking to, you know, interesting people. HEY-O!!!!...

Quiet, Stoic Leader To Have Boring Retirement
Quebec Nordique legend Joe Sakic is calling it a career after 20 seasons in the NHL and not a single embarrassing scandal that we could all have a good laugh over now. What a jerk. [Denver Post]...

Just In Case You Wanted To Know What A Dwarf Wrestler Funeral Looks Like
Those two little masked heroes that were killed by bandit hookers last week had a well-attended funeral, which could have easily been mistaken for a Rob Zombie film. [The Sun via BarStoolSports]...

Brett Tomko Uses Painting To Ease Pain Of Being Brett Tomko
"For me, the best way to move on from [a bad outing] is to get the paints out. Kind of take my mind off the pitching for a few hours and just kind of regroup." [Star-Ledger]...