et Page 2292 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Wheels Of Justice Grind Slowly For Clarett
The Maurice Clarett story, with its deep debts and Israel mobs and Grey Goose, has almost become too sad for us to take much joy in goofing on it anymore, though we're still always going to be a little tickled by the fact that he had a hatchet....
At Least He Didn't Biggie Size
So there are some new details about our new favorite assistant coach, the Lions' Joe Cullen, concerning his arrest for driving in the nude....
NFL Pants Party: NFC North
We do the riverdance, a manly dance, through the NFC North, land of paternity suits, custody issues, nude assistant coaches, Brett Favre and, of course, sex boats....
A Little Fired Up Down In The Red Zone
Forget the exploits of Peyton Manning and Ben Rothelisberger. Years from now, when you're balancing your great grandchildren on your knee, you can tell them that you were there on the day that Detroit Lions assistant coach Joe Cullen was arrested for driving in the nude. "But was he totally nude, gr...
NFL Pants Party: AFC East
Personally, we think the AFC East would be a lot more fun to make predictions for if Troy Brown had to play quarterback for the Patriots every game. Oh, and is Culpepper organizing the rookie party for the Dolphins this year?...
"This Is The Parts Where They Say Who They Thinks Gonna Win"
In his nightmares, this is what Chris Fowler imagines every viewer of College GameDay is like....
NFL Pants Party: AFC South
Because the season starts, oh, tomorrow, we figured it was probably time to start laying out some of the predictions for you, division by division. So here's a quick roundup of predictions from around the series of tubes we call the Internet....
Roethlisberger's Appendix Does Not Survive NFL Roster Cuts
Ben Roethlisberger had an emergency appendectomy today, leaving him out for the Steelers opener this Thursday against the Dolphins. Funny, I thought his liver would be the first to go....
Gentlemen, Start Your Loos
So you've heeded our advice and contacted the folks at Donkey Sports Inc., for some sweet donkey basketball action. Congratulations. But to your horror, you've discovered that they are out of donkeys! What now? Well, we've heard your girlish shrieks, and have come to the rescue. It's time for Plan...
If We Know Anything, It's That You Can't Beat The Greeks At Basketball
Looks like The Mighty MJD won his bet. We glumly welcome you this morning with the news that Team USA lost to Greece 101-95 in the semifinals of the World Basketball Championships....
We Saw Chris Simms Make A Spinach Dip In A Loaf Of Sourdough Bread Once
Now. We don't want to cast aspersions. We know how life in an NFL locker room goes. You're with each other for half the year, sweating, bleeding, killing yourself out there for the sake of a common goal. You develop a kinship that cannot be quantified by any conventional standards....
Things That PETA Is Better Off Not Knowing About, No. 112
If you're like us, you frequently ask yourselves, "where can I find top, reliable donkeys for my donkey sporting event?" Fortunately we found Donkey Sports, Inc., and our troubles are over. For the finest in Donkey Softball and Donkey Basketball events, we highly recommend this company....
Embrace Me, My Sweet Inflatable You
The competitive sex doll rafting community is still reeling over Tuesday's shocking conclusion to the Bubba Bobble Challenge Sex Doll Races tournament near St. Petersburg. We briefly touched on this yesterday, but we want our readers to know that we are going to stay with this story, and all of it...
Deadspin HOF Nominee: JJ Redick
Former Duke popped collar shooting guard J.J. Redick has been a consistent source of amusement around here for a while now, from the typical bashing of Duke to his crying during the NCAA Tournament to his weird video game experiences...
U.S. Advances Once Again: Bring On The Greeks!
In a game we actually got up to watch for you this morning, the United States coasted into the semifinals of the World Basketball Championships by scooting past Germany 85-65 in Japan. We hope you actually were near an ESPN2 at the time, because, like all week, FIBA's Web site wasn't working, even s...
NFL Season Preview: New York Jets
We are officially less than a month before the start of the NFL season, so it's probably time to start previewing the monster. The key to the NFL's success — other than fantasy football and gambling, of course — is the rabid nature of its fans. That is to say: You don't see a lot of people painting ...
Weird: A Lions Fan Setting Something On Fire
We know that life as a Detroit Lions fan has been difficult in recent years, but, honestly, it's no reason to set your neighborhood ablaze....
Australia Gets Their Beatdown
Team USA buried a big Paul Hogan-style knife into the Australian national team last night, winning by 40 in a game that wasn't as close as the score would indicate. Carmelo had 20, Joe Johnson 18, Dwyane Wade 15, and Shane Battier and Chris Bosh had 12 each....
Texas Sold A Lot Of Stuff
The Texas longhorns have set a new NCAA record for merchandise sales. A football national title, a baseball national title, a very good basketball team, and Vince Young can do that for you, I guess. The school made $8.2 million in royalties last year....
New Mexico State Basketball Player May Have D'd Up A Pizza Guy
It seems like the only time that pizza guys get any attention are in plot attempts in porno (did you order the extra sausage?) and criminal activity. File this one into the latter category....