ew Page 2983 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Gilbert Arenas (Sort Of) Sets The Record Straight On Shoe-Pooping
USA Today has a story today on Gilbert Arenas, who seems to be enjoying the quiet calm and relative anonymity of being a role player earning the veteran's minimum with the Memphis Grizzlies (that the Magic still have to pay him $60 million probably helps)....

A Guide For Sports Fans (And Would-Be Plutocrats) To Doing Your Taxes
Those of you who are not Darryl Strawberry will be spending the next few days on your tax returns. Here are a few practical things—and a number of not-so-practical things—that every sports fan should know about his or her taxes. ...

10 Years Of Newspapers Declaring That Mariano Rivera Is Too Old
On Friday, Mariano Rivera blew the save. It was the 73rd blown save of his career, and one of many from baseball's opening weekend. Predictably, it brought out the old standby storylines: Is this it for Mariano Rivera? Has Father Time finally caught up with the cutter?...

The <i>Baltimore Sun</i>'s Entire Predators-Red Wings Recap: "Type Here"
It's 2012, so hopefully you're not reliant on the morning paper for game results from the night before. Still, maybe there are a few elderly Baltimore hockey fans a little confused by today's Sun, which omitted the Nashville/Detroit capsule for some very unhelpful dummy text....

They Learn The Art Of Trolling At A Young Age In Vancouver
This young Canucks fan just couldn't help but give Kings coach Darryl Sutter a piece of his mind—or, at least, his mouth—during a break in the action of last night's Stanley Cup playoff opening game of the L.A.-Vancouver series. (He's got some good role models for that kind of behavior, after all.)...

You Know, Ekpe Udoh Has Finally Had Enough Of This Jeremy Lin Fella
Maybe there was something that went down between Lin and Udoh while both were members of the Golden State Warriors last season. Maybe Udoh was extra sore about the Knicks' very important win over the Bucks tonight, one that the injured-yet-excited Lin had no direct impact on....

Andrew Bynum On Pulling Down 30 Boards: "I Shot The Ball Like Shit, Man"
Lakers center Andrew Bynum is not interested in your accolades regarding his 30-rebound game tonight, joining Wilt, Kareem, George Mikan, and Elgin Baylor as the only Lakers to accomplish such a feat. No, he'd rather focus on his poor 7-for-20 effort from the floor....

Shea Weber Celebrated Winning Game One Of The Stanley Cup Playoffs By Assaulting Henrik Zetterberg
The Nashville Predators killed a late penalty and held on to beat Detroit 3-2 tonight, but winning the opening game of their Stanley Cup playoff round apparently wasn't enough for Preds captain Shea Weber. Weber can be seen in the final moments bashing the head of Red Wings center Henrik Zetterbe...

Peter Bourjos Has Our First Inside-The-Park Homer Of The Season
The world record for fastest run around the bases is held by Evar Swanson, who did it in 13.3 seconds back in 1929. Peter Bourjos of the Angels came within a second of that tonight, and he thought he might've flied out to the warning track. Instead, Josh Willingham took a tumble and Bourjos came ...

Nerlens Noel Will Play For Kentucky After Shaving Its Logo Into His Hair
Basketball players don't typically play the Signing Day shell game by picking hats off a table, so it's nice to see Nerlens Noel be a bit more creative....

Better Know An Umpire: Todd Tichenor
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year....

Vin Scully Still Has A Cold
The venerable Dodgers broadcaster already missed yesterday's home opener—the first time that's happened in 35 years. According to ESPN, he won't be broadcasting tonight's game, either. The 84-year-old Scully is home resting, and his condition is said to be unchanged from yesterday. [ESPN]...

Flyers Defenseman Says He Hid His Concussion To Keep His Job
Marc-Andre Bourdon played in the minors for more than three years before finally making his debut with the Philadelphia Flyers last November, when the 22-year-old defenseman was finally called-up. At the time, reports the Philadelphia Daily News, Bourdon says he "was told to pack enough clothes for ...

A Reporter Got Fired For Announcing His New Job In An NBA-Style Press Release
Reporter Khristopher J. Brooks told Jim Romenesko, "I'm a really big NBA fan and whenever an NBA team acquires a new player there's always a press release announcing it. I'd look at those releases and think, ‘The organization is really proud.'"...

Here Are Bobby Petrino's Phone Records
We received phone records from Bobby Petrino's university-issued cellphone dating back to Sept. 12, and the contact with Jessica Dorrell begins almost immediately. From phone tag at 10:33 a.m. on the Monday before the Troy game, to a flurry of calls the evening after the police report naming her was...

The Real-Life Jerry Maguire Is A Broke Recovering Alcoholic
Daniel Roberts and Pablo Torre have a fine story in this week's SI (and this month's Fortune—it's a collaboration between the two Time-Life mags) about Leigh Steinberg, the former agent to NFL stars. We learn in the piece that whatever comeback plan he thinks he has, he doesn't really have one. He g...

A Guy From My First-Period Class In High School Is Coming To Save The New York Rangers
The New York Rangers have the top seed in the Eastern Conference for the Stanley Cup playoffs (Thursday! On NHL Network! Catch it!), but the New York Rangers might be doomed. They face the Ottawa Senators in the first round. The Rangers went 1-2-1 against the Sens during the regular season. The Rang...
![Ronaldo's Free Kick Goal Was So Good GOLTV's Ray Hudson Could Only Describe It Using Sexual Terminology [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Ronaldo's Free Kick Goal Was So Good GOLTV's Ray Hudson Could Only Describe It Using Sexual Terminology [UPDATE]
We've written here before about how spectacular La Liga goals can bring GOLTV analyst Ray Hudson to orgasm, but today's free kick goal by Cristiano Ronaldo against Atlético de Madrid earned Hudson's description of an orgasm....

It Looks Like MetLife Stadium Is On Fire, But It's Not
Don't panic! This photo is just a trick of perspective. There is a massive brush fire burning in Jersey, near the Meadowlands—it was even visible from Brooklyn for a time. But the homes of the Giants, Jets, and the depressing standardbreds of Meadowlands Racetrack are safe....

Just Three More Months Until <em>The Dark Knight Rises</em>, Folks
It always seems like the summer movie season begins earlier every year, but it doesn't, not really. The unofficial beginning in 2012 is May 4, when The Avengers—a movie that's so big, apparently, that it turned massive tentpole films like Iron Man 2 and Thor into, essentially, prequels—opens wide, f...