f Page 1064 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Recently Owned Jeff Green Pays It Forward To Harmless, Helpless Dragan Bender
Tuesday night Jeff Green was on the very wrong end of a highlight when he stumbled brutally in isolation defense while guarding Lance Stephenson in a Wizards loss to the Lakers. Green may have been unfairly victimized by Stephenson accidentally stepping on his toes mid-sequence, but that will not m...
Texas Suspends Cannon-Firing Spirit Group For Six Years After Investigation Into Member's Death Uncovers Hazing
The University of Texas has suspended the Texas Cowboys, the fellows who fire the cannon at football games, for six years following an investigation into the circumstances of the death of a new member during a group retreat back in September. The investigation found that the retreat included a lot o...
Media To Robert Kraft: Florida's Sunshine Law Applies To You, Too
A group of media companies—mostly publishers of Florida-based newspapers, as well as a few national outlets—filed a motion on Tuesday to intervene in more than a dozen cases of soliciting prostitution, whose defendants include New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft. The motion was necessary because...
Betsy DeVos "Corrects The Record" On Desire To Defund Special Olympics By Reiterating Desire To Defund Special Olympics
On Tuesday, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos went before a House appropriations subcommittee and, as she has in every previous year of the Trump presidency, requested a series of huge cuts to the Department of Education—$7 billion in total this time around, which is roughly 10 percent of the depar...
AAF Majority Owner Tom Dundon Threatens To Fold League If NFL's Union Doesn't Help Him Out
Alliance of American Football majority owner Tom Dundon told USA Today that his league might have to fold after only one season without more direct support from the NFL. Dundon, who also owns the NHL’s Carolina Hurricanes, specifically called out the NFL Players Association for not pushing more youn...
Australian Shopping Center Terrorized By A Pair Of Hellion Nine-Year-Olds
Two extremely, ah, feisty(?) nine-year-old girls went on an absolute fucking rampage at the Helensvale Shopping Centre in Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia yesterday. And by “absolute fucking rampage” I mean that they abused an old lady, spat on, punched, and kicked a security guard, and danced on a...
Baseball Will Outlive These Complaints Too
When His Exalted Malignancy Magary I churned out his latest Funbag under the headline “Would You Rather Be Born Old Or Die Young?” I thought of baseball, and how it has become this new battleground for the end of one generation at the neglectful hands of the next. That’s the New Narrative, ladles an...
The Best Way To See America Is To Visit Every Last Minor League Ballpark
Not long after the 2017 World Series ended in a dogpile of happy Houston Astros, Bart Wilhelm began planning his first big trip of the 2018 season. For more than half a decade, Wilhelm has been “chasing” Minor League ballparks, with the goal of attending a game in all 159 of them. Wilhelm began the ...
The 2019 NFL Coaches' Class Photo Features Matching Grudens And A Smiling Bill Belichick
Twenty-six head coaches showed up for the class photo at this week’s NFL meetings in Phoenix. Look at all those bright, squinting faces! (Here’s the hi-res version.) This year’s absences: Bruce Arians, Pete Carroll, Sean Payton, Mike Tomlin, Adam Gase, and Sean McVay, who said he didn’t mean to miss...
How Much Longer Will Baseball Stadiums Be For Baseball Fans?
MLB’s attendance, you might have heard, was down last year, around four percent by season’s end. The league’s front office, represented by anthropomorphized wet blanket Rob Manfred, has operated under the assumption that pace of play is the issue, arguing that “putting the best entertainment product...
Here Come The Padres
After an exceedingly depressing offseason, in which months passed without anything happening and top free agents remain unsigned and two-thirds of the league evinced no interest in winning, it is time to feel good. Feel good about the weather warming, feel good that it’s just one day until real, act...
Lance Stephenson Turned Jeff Green Into A Tumbling Tumbleweed
NBA floors must be getting extremely slippery as the regular season winds down. First Chris Paul chased D.J. Wilson off the court with a step-back move in Houston’s loss to Milwaukee earlier tonight, and here we have Lance Stephenson sending Jeff Green flailing to hell with a fierce dribble sequenc...
NFL Owners Vote To Make Pass Interference Calls And Non-Calls Reviewable
That replay review would be expanded to include pass interference ahead of the 2019-2020 NFL season seemed inevitable. The question, then, was whether it would be expanded in such a way that it could hope to address the kind of situation that befouled the NFC Championship game in January, when the S...
Trump Department Of Education Wants To Defund The Special Olympics
On Tuesday, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos met with members of a House appropriations subcommittee to defend her department’s proposed budget for the next fiscal year. It was, like most of what happens in government, a ritualistic offering—the proposed budget is a proposal that reflects the admi...
Robert Kraft Is The Silent Center Of The NFL Meetings
PHOENIX — The NFL’s owners are gathered at a fancypants resort here for their annual league meetings. On the agenda are numerous proposals for rules changes, and this morning was the breakfast at which the head coaches got hit with rapid-fire questions for an hour before reporters tore into the buff...
Report: Conor McGregor Is Under Investigation For Sexual Assault, Was Arrested In January
UFC fighter Conor McGregor is under investigation by Irish police for allegedly sexually assaulting a woman in a Dublin hotel in December, according to the New York Times’s Tariq Panja. McGregor hasn’t been charged with a crime, though he was arrested and questioned by Irish authorities on Jan. 17. ...
Robert Griffin III's Former Agent Sues Him Over Missing Endorsement Payments
On Friday, NFL agent Ben Dogra filed a breach of contract lawsuit against Ravens backup Robert Griffin III, alleging that Griffin owes Dogra exactly $658,975.57. The complaint—which you can find below and was first reported on by Yahoo Sports—alleges that Griffin continually shorted Dogra on his 15 ...
Who's Living In Whose Head Rent-Free Lately?
The phrase “living rent-free in your head” has lived rent-free in my head for some time. It feels symptomatic of the deep rot at the core of almost all human interaction online. These days it spews out of the mouths of the craven and the righteous, the world-famous and the anonymously online. Depre...
Complete Farce Of A Basketball Team Ends Blowout Loss In Completely Farcical Way
There’s no reason to watch the Phoenix Suns lose on purpose this season except to see how number-one pick DeAndre Ayton is doing (fine, mostly) or watch Devin Booker go all-out for another impressive yet futile solo scoring display. Booker went off again Monday night in Utah, although his own teamma...
Holy Shit, The Mets Actually Paid Jacob deGrom
For an offseason defined by a glacial market, collusion-adjacent bad vibes, and the inexplicable unemployment of a number of useful big league free agents with opening day now in sight, the last week or so has been very busy. Instead of entering what is clearly a badly malfunctioning free agent mark...