flu Page 6 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
D-III Closer Gets Final Three Outs After Puking On The Infield
Rhodes College beat Franklin College 4-2 on the opening day of D-III regionals today, but it wasn’t without a ninth inning pitching performance that gave new meaning to the phrase “gutting it out.”...
High-Kicking Madman Should Maybe Switch From Soccer To Taekwondo
Here we have yet another South American soccer player who apparently can’t differentiate between the kinds of kicks you use to score goals as Messi when playing FIFA and those you use to punt opponents’ heads off their bodies as Sub-Zero in Mortal Kombat:...
David Brooks Seems Extremely Confused (About Amphibians)
Amphibians, as every little kid knows, are born in water, as larvae, breathing water through gills. Later they undergo metamorphosis, and emerge from the water with (in most cases) air-breathing respiratory systems. Even after they’ve taken to land, though, they retain highly permeable skin that can...
I Am Now A Flu Shot Truther And I Hate Myself For It<em></em>
Your letters: ...
How Latin Became The Romance Languages
The Latin language is one of the Roman Empire’s lasting legacies. We hear it around us every day in the form of direct Latin loan-words into English, like “abdomen” or “exterior.” Every time you say something is “necessary” or you need to make a “revision” to a document, you’re using a loan-word fro...
Jeremy Kerley Says A Ghost May Have Tainted His Pee
Jets receiver Jeremy Kerley is back at practice after serving a four-game suspension for a positive PED test. At the time of his ban, Kerley said he was “shocked,” as he had never knowingly taken steroids....
Man Eats Shit At Idiot Contest
The Three Rivers Regatta, a three-day aquatics extravaganza, took place in Pittsburgh over the weekend. Over 600,000 people attended and hundreds of rowdy youths reportedly got into fights, but more importantly, the boldest and dumbest tried to fly during Saturday’s Flugtag, a modern-day Franz Reich...
I Can't Decide What To Get David Brooks For His Wedding
I mean obviously the first and most important point is: Mazel tov! After a few years of harrowing personal crisis for America’s Foremost Moral Decay Diagnostician, our boy David Brooks has at last found love, and gotten married (to his 23-years-younger former research assistant)!...
Homer-Smacking Eric Thames Isn't Worried About Drug Tests Because He Has "A Lot Of Blood And Urine"
Home run hero Eric Thames spent last week abusing Reds pitching and mashing big taters, and he picked right back up where he left off this week, smacking three more cuadrangulares in the past two games. He now has eight home runs in six games against the Reds and 11 on the year....
This Blazers Game-Winner Was So Strange Even Gregg Popovich Had To Chuckle
With the Spurs up one on the Blazers in the last six seconds of tonight’s game, Shabazz Napier had an open look at a three-pointer for Portland, but he drove into the lane and lost the ball. It pinballed around a few times before landing fortuitously at the feet of Noah Vonleh, who picked it up and ...
Thinkfluence Man Pretends To Think Empathy Is Bad
“Against Empathy” makes a hell of a title for a video. It’s bold and spicy! Empathy is bad is quite a strong take, after all, given that empathy—broadly speaking, the capacity to relate to and share the feelings and perspectives of others—is a core, defining trait of humanity, which will tend to be ...
Doug Flutie Says His Parents Died Within An Hour Of Each Other
Both of Doug Flutie’s parents died this morning, according to a post by the former NFL quarterback. Flutie said that his ailing father died in the hospital; not even an hour later, his mother died. Both deaths were from heart attacks....
I Could Defeat At Least Eight Of This Year's Most Influential Teens
Today, Time released its list of the 30 most influential teens of 2015. It’s a wide-ranging list that includes celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and Malala. They’re all wonderful, inspirational kids. After looking through the names, I’ve determined that in a fight, I could kick the asses of at l...
Ronaldinho Can't Play Soccer Anymore, But He Can't Stop
Watching Ronaldinho in his prime—nipping the ball around defenders with moves you’d either never seen someone pull off in real life or at least never, say, against some of the world’s best defenders, in the middle of the sport’s fiercest rivalry, in front of 80,000 opposing fans, with supporters so ...
Who Leaked The Astros' Hacked Data, And Why?
Of the many unanswered questions that promise to make the hacking of the Houston Astros’ “Ground Control” database an extended, spectacular scandal, the most obvious one is also the least explicable: why would someone with illegal access to secret, proprietary information go and leak it?...
Report: Not All Of The Data Hacked From The Astros Was Leaked Publicly
The original New York Times story on the St. Louis Cardinals hacking scandal gives a broad outline of what happened, but as it describes an investigation in process, it is disappointingly light on crucial details like who perpetrated the hacking, when they did it, why they did it, and how exactly it...
Report: FBI Investigates St. Louis Cardinals For Hacking The Astros
The FBI reportedly found evidence that St. Louis Cardinals officials broke into the Houston Astros’ internal database of player personnel information, according to the New York Times. Parts of that database, including updates on trade negotiations, were then published on Deadspin. The bureau has sub...
OH GOD THE FLU IS GOING AROUND!!!!
Hey, you! Did you hear? THE FLU IS GOING AROUND! Oh, sweet Jesus strapped to a fuck gun! THE FLU! It's around! Out there. Possibly far, but also possibly near! People have it! The neighbor has it! Your dad has it! The whole Winklefart family has it! I heard 30 kids in Darla's second grad...
