fr Page 218 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Messi Loops In With Finesse For 399th Barcelona Goal
It always seems to follow that when Cristiano Ronaldo scores a golazo, Lionel Messi is there to answer one of his own. That happened today at Sevilla, when Messi dropped a marvelous slow-motion curler past Sergio Rico for his 399th goal in a Barcelona uniform....
"Astonishing Astrophysics!" Ronaldo Scores Bouncing Free Kick Goal
Cristiano Ronaldo put Real Madrid up 1-0 on Eibar today with this knuckler of a free kick that left the keeper totally, in Ray Hudson’s words, “bamboozled.” His whole call is, as usual, a gem:...
Aaron Cresswell Puts West Ham Up With Top-Class Free Kick
West Ham's Aaron Cresswell put his side up early on Stoke with this marvelous free kick that left the announcers giddy: ...
Excellent Chimp Knocks Stupid Drone Right Out Of The Sky
Somebody thought a chimpanzee habitat would be a good place to fly a drone, an invasive piece of technology that techno-knobs are really into these days. That somebody was wrong....
A Nice Fruit Beer For Butts Of All Types
Kim Kardashian is on a sightseeing tour of Armenia, her ancestral homeland, a delightful fact that I know because the guy on the radio mentioned it at three o’clock this morning. My wife also knows this information about Kim and Armenia, because she got up to feed the cat shortly after I came into p...
Here Are Two Baseball Players Acting Like Lil' Babies
If there’s one thing you can always count on a baseball player in a high-stress situation to be, it’s a sensitive weenie. Allow me to direct your attention to this moment, from yesterday’s game between the Giants and Padres....
Argentine Soccer Player Punched In Face By Fan While Signing Autographs
In case you needed more evidence that soccer fans in Argentina are the worst, we now have the case of Matías Fritzler. After a recent loss, Fritzler was signing autographs for his home fans when a guy attacked him, opening a pretty large cut over his left eye....
Andrew Harrison Apologizes To Frank Kaminsky
In the very early hours of the morning, Kentucky’s Andrew Harrison apologized for muttering “Fuck that nigga” when Wisconsin’s Frank Kaminsky came up at a post-game presser last night. ...
Bear Just Wants His Grumpy Dog Pal To Get In On This Hose Action
Hey, dog, your ursine companion over there is just trying to liven up this lovely day with some recreational water hijinks. It's spring, man! Stop being such a stick in the mud....
Notts County Ladies Use Fake Argument And Trickeration On Free-Kick Goal
Why are Notts County lining up that free kick like that? Seems kind of weird. Huh, it looks like Laura Basset's going to run right into her teammates. Wait, now her teammate jumped out at her and they're arguing. They better cut it out and get back to...ooooh, I see what you did there! Clever!...
Dong Pizza With Mushroom Balls Makes Way To South Bend Television
South Bend NBC affiliate WNDU covered bigoted pizzeria Memories Pizza on its evening newscast tonight, highlighting the hundreds of thousands of dollars anti-gay extremists have donated to the restaurant’s GoFundMe campaign as well as the vandalism that tolerance-seeking enthusiasts have posted to M...
Andros Townsend Waves Hi To Media Hater After Great International Goal
Andros Townsend isn't a great player, but then again, England aren't a great team, so it isn't too much of a surprise that the Spurs winger was called up during this international break, nor that he managed to blast home the tying goal in today's 1-1 draw against Italy. Well, not a surprise to us....
Brek Shea Pounds A Free Kick Into The Top Corner To Give USMNT Lead
Ooooh, there's that boy Brek Shea! Maybe he did learn something on those cold, rainy Wednesday nights with Stoke's U21 team, after all!...
How To Make Friends With Other Parents Without Embarrassing Yourself
Hi, new parent. Welcome. So you have a kid now, and you may think sleepless nights and wide-arcing pee hitting you in the eye from an unencumbered baby penis are the worst things you'll face. But you are wrong. There is something else coming that could scare you into living in total obscurity in...
RedHawks Play With Empty Net For 12 Minutes, Score Three Goals, Lose
Down four goals with almost 13 minutes left in Saturday's NCAA hockey regional semifinal, Miami RedHawks coach Enrico Blasi went full Patrick Roy, pulling his goalie in an attempt to pull off a historic comeback against the Providence Friars. It almost worked!...
Gareth Bale Strikes Perfect Free Kick To Score For Wales
It is a dreary day for soccer fans, with the usual slate of dozens of club matches interrupted for a handful of international ones. But at least we have some competitive Euro 2016 qualifiers, where we can see the Welsh Gareth Bale unleash this free kick goal against Israel. With a golden generatio...
Age Ain't Nothing But A Bummer: <i>While We're Young, </i>Reviewed
1. Of all the criticisms my fellow Gen-Xers have of Millennials, there isn't one that cracks me up more than "they're too self-involved." This is freaking rich, coming from us. Being self-involved was our thing. We were the ones who were obsessed with authenticity, and "reality," and not "selling ...
USMNT Felled By Hat-Trick Hero Nicklas Bendtner, Who Still Sucks
For the first time this year—at least the first time we'd like to remember—a fit and strong USMNT squad got some run. The opponent was Denmark, stiff competition to be sure. So while USMNT fans could've justifiably been cautiously pleased with the 2-1 lead our boys took into the final 10 minutes of ...
My Compost Bin Has Been Overrun By Fruit Flies, Send Help
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....