g Page 5097 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Brendan Witt Is Probable (Car Accident)
The Islanders defenseman was hit by a truck while walking in Philadelphia today, but refused medical treatment and will be in the lineup tonight. He also visited the zoo and beat up a gorilla that looked at him funny. [Newsday/TSN]...

The Analysis The NBA Wants You To Read
The TrueHoopheads have gone through Tim Donaghy's book and done the yeoman's work of checking some of his claims against box scores, play-by-plays and betting lines. They've found a few implausibilities. Go read. [TrueHoop, also]...

Chaos In Tigerland: A Deadspin Investigation Into The Sexual Habits Of Pro Athletes
Here's a story about three women and their relationships with Tiger Woods. One is a porn star you haven't met. The other two are rumored mistresses, but they're really much more important than that. Welcome to Tigerland....

Friendly Texas-Nebraska "Discussion" Leads To Accidental Death
Two Marines got in a "friendly scuffle" while talking about the outcome of Big 12 Championship Game. Unfortunately, one of them forgot to put down his gun and now the other one is dead. [Sun Journal]...

Who Is Being Taken Away In An Ambulance From Tiger's House Now? (UPDATE)
Several blonde women of various ages may or may not have driven large vehicles from the Tiger Woods' household to a hospital and possibly back again in the latest craven attempt to keep the family's private life in the news....

Last Night's Winner: Shysters
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Utah Flash owner Brandt Andersen, who successfully duped 7,500 suckers into buying tickets to his arena by lying about Michael Jordan. It's a living....

Tiger's Now Laying 10
Your evening Tiger update: The British press has joined the fray, and the count of alleged mistresses has now jumped to double-digits: 10 in all, or eight fewer women than majors won by Jack Nicklaus....

Nerds, Fictional Characters Now Eligible For Heisman
A dude from Standford and someone who plays a made up position called "defensive tackle" are included alongside real football players as Heisman Trophy finalists. Sounds like a classic college prank....worthy of the Hasty Pudding gang! [SJ Mercury News]...

Charlie Weis Isn't Finished With You Yet
You thought Chuckles was out of your life forever, huh? Guess again, bozos, because this guy hasn't even started making everyone's life miserable. Pete Carroll, Touchdown Jesus, Bears fans....no one will escape the wrath of Weis....

<em>Moneyball</em>'s Back On
Bennett Miller, the guy who did the Truman Capote movie that didn't subject us to Peter Bogdanovich's acting, will direct. He replaces Steven Soderbergh, who was traded to the White Sox for three prospects and a reliever. [Variety, via NYMag]...

A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: The Story Of “The Grip”
Welcome to Asshole Coach Digest, where we regale you Deadspin folk with stories of the meanest, cruelest, most batshit insane coaches you ever had. Email me your asshole coach story here. Off we go....

Jimmy Clausen Will Take His Swagger And Tiny Bathing Suits To The NFL
The Jimmy tells ESPN.com that "it's time" and he's taking Charlie Weis' sage advice: "He thought I've improved so much since I came to Notre Dame. So, I'm taking his advice, and I'm going to head out." [ESPN][Pic:Collegegameballs.com]...

Somebody Give The Bulls Credit For Acknowledging The Playground Time Out
John Jackson says that "energy" and "hunger" are what the Bulls lack right now. I'd throw "awareness" onto that list as well. [BallDon'tSKEETS!]...

2009 SHOTY Nominee: Artie Lange
Sometimes, SHOTY nominees are so honored because of sustained excellence. Other times, like in this example, it's just one amazing, transcendent moment. That moment can be enough....

Tim Tebow Messiah Watch: See How He Loved Football Edition
With apologies to Slate, the Tim Tebow Messiah Watch is our occasional look at the growing body of evidence — quotes, signs and wonders, excessively fawning prose — that the Florida quarterback is the Lamb of God....

By The Time You Read This, Another Woman Will Have Claimed To Have Had Sex With Tiger Woods
Add three (possibly four!) more wenches to the pile. For those keeping score: Jamie Jungers, 26, Trashy Girl; Mindy Lawton, 33, hotcake harlot; Cori Rist, 26, blond thing. Sports By Brooks has already watermarked every available photo of them....

E.J. Henderson's Leg Should Not Bend That Way
In case you missed it, the Vikings' E.J. Henderson took a nasty shot last night....but Al Michaels had no problem breaking out the break talk for the guy with the broken femur. Break. [YouTube, D4L, SSF]...

Texas Wins The Weekend
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Texas Longhorns, who won the weekend by not having to prove they were better than everyone else. Welcome to college football!...

The BCS Tries To Manufacture A Little Drama (UPDATE)
We're about an hour away from the BCS selection show. Is there any chance the national title game will feature anyone other than Alabama or Texas?...

The SEC Title Game, In Microcosm
This video in no way proves that women are better than men at sports. It only proves that Alabama students are better than Florida students at sports. [Via YBB]...