g Page 5439 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Stanley Pringle: Jackin' It
You know, it's really annoying when athletes-masturbating-in-libraries stories break in the evening and we have to wait until morning to write about them. If we can't be your leader in library masturbation coverage, we're not sure what our point is....
About Last Night
What you missed while going to the beach and using your new Super Bowl ring to signal ships ... • NFL: Owners get together and cook up a bunch of goofy new rules. Fun! • NBA: Dirk is back, which evidently the Warriors weren't expecting. Dallas 111, Golden State 86. • NHL: Penguins clinch division ti...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch before you puke all over a Cowboys' fan • NBA: Boston Celtics vs. Indiana Pacers: Watch Big Baby Davis bring the thunder. ESPN 7 p.m. • MLB: Toronto Blue Jays vs. New York Yankees: Try to catch Hideki Matsui's mind wander toward his porno collection. ESPN2, 7 p.m. • MMA: UFC Fight Nigh...
A New Approach On How To Get Out Of Those Pesky DUIs
Most of us have probably made the ridiculously stupid decision to drink and drive at some point in our lives. Some of us may have even been pulled over, which makes the stupid decision become an expensive and humiliating one. (Here's a tip: Refuse the breathalzyer.) But even if those circumstances d...
Lute Olson's Back And Surly Like A Fox
The University of Arizona has its long-standing head basketball coach back on the bench, but he apparently upped his prickliness quotient during his season-long leave of absence . First order of business? Fire the guy who kept the ship afloat while you were gone. Kevin O'Neill, who was at one point ...
Make Shea Rock Slightly Harder This Year
Right now, you can vote for the song that the Mets should play during the eighth-inning singalong at Shea this year. The choices are as boring as you'd expect: "Brown Eyed Girl," "Sweet Caroline," ... jeez, is that the theme song from "Friends?" Ack!...
Moises Alou's Timing Leaves Much To Be Desired
As has been well documented, if Moises Alou, back in 2003, just slowly jogs away from the left-field wall, no one ever knows who Steve Bartman is, and people can go back to blaming Alex Gonzalez or Mark Prior or whomever they want to blame. (You know, people who actually played.) A few years ago, Al...
Larry King's Temper Rears Its Ugly Shoulder Blades
CNN's venerable talk show host Larry King may not have any trouble conversing with some of the world's most famous people or constructing a brilliant turn-of-phrase, but he does have some trouble controlling himself when umpires start ruining his young son's Little League games....
Obama Really Just Wants To Be Dr. J
A couple of weeks ago, Barack Obama appeared on Philadelphia's 610 WIP sports radio station and made a somewhat controversial statement about his grandmother being a "typical white person," which got everybody all fired up. (Ironically? Most of them were typical white people.)...
Joel Zumaya, Still Rocking
You may remember, from a year and a half ago, Tigers pitcher Joel Zumaya being injured because of his addiction to Guitar Hero. (It happens. We understand.) Well, Zumaya, who is out until midseason, apparently has not lost the jones, as this recent Facebook picture attests....
A Fox Sports Rant
• Enough about ESPN already! Here's what's seriously wrong with Fox Sports. [Speaking In Tongue] • If Trev Alberts calls you out, you're probably doing something right. [Bugs And Cranks] • Do not taunt Jay Bilas. [Stet Sports] • Seattle still gamely trying to figure something out with the Sonics. Wh...
Those Proofreading Cubbies
Up until this morning, this was what the new Ernie Banks statue looked like in front of Wrigley Field. Yes, they missed an apostrophe....
Media Approval Ratings: Mike Lupica
We've noticed lately, during our daily readings of the New York Daily News, that Mike Lupica is writing as much about politics as he is about sports. It makes sense; why can't blowing-with-the-wind "conventional wisdom" apply as well to Hillary Clinton as it does to Jason Giambi?...
John Daly Gets Boobs Jiggled, Twisted
Here’s John Daly, at the Shell Houston Open driving range receiving both a back massage and what appears to be an impromptu gynecomastia check-up from one python-armed assistant....
Is The Indiana Job Really That Great Of A Gig?
As an Illini fan eager to hammer Indiana at every opportunity, we must admit that we can't find much to mock about the hiring of Tom Crean. The guy's a respected coach, a solid citizen and has a funny name. No arguments there. Except ... why the heck is he leaving Marquette for Indiana?...
Finally, Massholes Have Something to Celebrate
As we wait for the Final Four to finally kick off on Saturday, the gang at Storming the Floor are amusing themselves with the championship-like substance contained in the NIT and CBI post-season tournaments....
Stuart Scott Obviously Feels Better
Wow, that "ESPN the Weekend" sure looks like it was fun. Here's Stuart Scott getting all Chuck D on the karaoke mic with proper S1W accompaniment by Charles Barkley playing the role of Flavor Flav and, hmm, Mr. Belding from "Saved By The Bell" obviously filling Professor Griff's giant shoes....
The Playoff Hunt Continu ... Mmm, Nuggets Dancers
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who wishes he could rest his starters for the rest of the regular season. When he's not trying to find some starters to rest, you can find him playing with creepy bobbleheads at Basketbawful. Enjoy! Peja Stojakovic is totally clutchtastic. His former Sacram...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while being mocked for wearing a Jeff Weaver jersey ... • Yankees win final home opener of old, decaying, imposing corporate edifice. • Tennessee, Connecticut advance to women's Final Four. Their coaches have now decided to be best friends. • Peja, baby! Hornets stay atop Western Con...