gi Page 543 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Telestrator Dong: Extreme Edition
Apparently you hooligans are known to be receptive to large vaguely-phallic figures rendered in bright yellow? Perhaps someone can mansplain this to me someday. Gird your loins, after the jump....

Miss Manners Says That's A Pur-Don't
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Is Gilbert Arenas Crazy Like A Fox?
The odd thing about the announcement of Gilbert Arenas' season-ending suspension was the claim that he asked for it. Literally. Why would someone want to be suspended for a whole year? Obviously, he gets more money that way....

NOLA Mayor Still Needs Super Bowl Tickets
He's got some good leads, though. Glengarry leads. "Some people seem to forget I come from the business environment. So I got contacts at ESPN, USAToday, you name it. So I'm going to work it out." [NOLA]...

Javaris Crittenton Pleads Guilty To Gun Charge, Gets Probation
The Washington Wizards guard plead guilty to a misdemeanor weapons charge today—as opposed to the felony weapons charge handed to Gilbert Arenas—and will get one year of probation and a fine. Don't worry, it gets weirder....

The Ballad Of Peanut Butter Kid: A Firsthand Account
Some fans cover themselves in body paint. Others just spill food on themselves over the course of the game. Then there's UGA's Peanut Butter Kid, who made yesterday's upset over Tennessee just about as unpleasant as possible for everyone involved....

Open Thread: Texas-UConn, Arkansas-Kentucky, Oklahoma State-KSU, Duke-Clemson, Etc.
Last one of the day. Suggested topic for discussion: the incredible fact that West Georgia's athletics program used 119 ineligible athletes from 2004-09. Someone get these guys in Conference USA....

Russia Turns The Dreamtime Into A Nightmare
Aboriginal Australians are none too pleased with the routine the ice dancing favorites have planned for the Olympics, and it's not hard to see why. Look at them. They look like Mardi Gras came to Ferngully....

Today In TMZish Sports: Kardashian Denies Engagement Rumor, Bobsled Lady Shows Keister, Rachel Uchitel Turning 35
These are some of the things that are happening in the nether regions of the sports gossip world. This news is not breaking. It is not exclusive. There are no exclamation points. We did not pay for these photos....

Mike Greenberg Is Not The First Man To Accidentally Say "Martin Luther Koon"
It turns out the former mayor of Selma, Ala., Joseph Smitherman, also accidentally slurred his words but he probably didn't get half the grief poor Greeny received yesterday....

Fighting Irish Fighting About Kelly's Irishness
A religious magazine is questioning whether Brian Kelly is Catholic enough to lead Notre Dame, noting his association with pro-choice politicians. But football's football. If Kelly makes a BCS Bowl, even Jesus might let this abortion thing slide. [Irish Central]...

Gilbert Arenas Charged With Gun Felony
Prosecutors have filed one count of felony gun possession against Gilbert Arenas, in what looks to be the first stage of a plea agreement. Police are actively searching for Javaris Crittenton's gun too. [WashPost]...

Colt McCoy's Proposal Is Hotter Than Shrimp Vindaloo
Yesterday it was revealed that the Longhorn quarterback bended-knee'd Rachel Glandorf in the middle of Royal-Memorial stadium like any good Texas quarterback is born and raised to do. She said yes, of course. Brooks has pictures....

A Modern List Of People Who Eat People
Yes, we all know about Jeffrey Dahmer's voracious appetite for wayward boy meat, but there were plenty of others who partook. 1974 Uruguayan rugby team not included. [Mental Floss]...

Gilbert Arenas Is Not A Political Prisoner
DeShawn Stevenson gave over valuable ankle tape space, and fans brought signs reading "Free Gil" for today's game. It's the only evidence in the building he ever existed. We've always been at war with Eastasia....

Just Two Horsemen Shy Of An Apocalypse
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Wizards Now Pretending Gilbert Arenas Never Existed
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The NBA Tackles The Real Problem
The Nets take the lead in what could be a league-wide crackdown on gambling on team flights. Remember kids, guns don't kill people; Boo-Ray kills people. [NYT]...

Patriots Workers Stopped In Immigration Sting
Gillette Stadium hired dozens of workers to shovel snow from the field, and apparently had them sent in from Guatemala, by way of Rhode Island....

Isiah Still Has Powerful Friends, For Some Reason
Magic Johnson's request for Knicks tickets was denied because of his very public criticism of Isiah Thomas. If trashing Isiah precluded attendance, the Knicks would be playing in an empty arena. [NY Daily News]...