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Zambonis On Fire!
We are proud to welcome famed hockey journalist James Mirtle to the post of NHL Closer writer this week....

Another Night That The Patriots Run The NFL
Sometimes it seems like the only major drama left in the NFL swirls around Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots. We're almost as fascinated with the Dolphins' losing streak as we are with the Patriots' winning one, but tonight, "Monday Night Football" will reap the national benefits....

To Watch Tonight
What to watch after mourning another Doonesbury war casualty ... • NFL: New England at Baltimore. And a quarterback named Kyle shall lead them ... [ESPN] • NHL: Dallas at Columbus. A blue, sport coat, and a pink, carnation (doo waa) I'm all dressed up for the dance ... [Versus] • College women's bas...


Welcome Newcastlers!
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer....

Grant Hill Drinks Prune Juice
The NBA Closer is now being written by our own Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. Enjoy....

Whatever Choice Was Made, It Was Going To Be Wrong
We enjoy this picture of Georgia center Fernando Velasco, taken after the Bulldogs' win over Georgia Tech Saturday, because he is holding an orange. Presumably, a fan through him — and some other Bulldogs — an orange to symbolize the Orange Bowl. This is odd not because Georgia is not going to the O...

The Culinary Genius Of Bill Belichick
For some reason, today seems like a really, really, r-e-a-l-l-y slow sports day. Maybe it's because the NFL lineup at 1:00 is substandard. Maybe it's because Dan Shanoff is making nary a sound as he quietly crunchees the numbers to see if a three-loss team can make the BCS championship game. So t...

It Would Take Your Mother One... No, Two... Hours To Watch Bowling
• 12:30 p.m. — Movie: Napoleon Dynamite [Comedy Central] • 1:00 p.m. — Bowling: PBA Great Lakes Classic [ESPN] • 1:00 p.m. — Movie: White Men Can't Jump [A&E] • 2:00 p.m. — Skiing: FIS World Cup, tape delay [NBC] • 2:30 p.m. — Golf: V Foundation Celebrity Classic [ESPN2] • 3:00 p.m. — Golf: Father/S...

Even For The NHL, Byfuglien Is An Odd Name
• I'd Like To See Where These Hats You Speak Of Grow In Nature. By the time Dustin Byfuglien's reign of terror began over Phoenix, it was already 2-0 Blackhawks. And that's when his hat trick on consecutive goals occurred — in the first quarter. It was only 5-0 after one trimester, and the Hawks had...

Who Will Tony Romo Date Next?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....

The Patriots Aren't The Same Without Troy Brown
Today, we thank Bill Belichick for adding the one ingredient this otherwise-inspirational Patriots team has been missing: Troy Brown is back!...

The Winter Olympic Mascots Are ... Yeaagh! What The Hell? ...
Inspired by Native American tales of creatures that will claw children's eyes out if they don't behave, please welcome the new Winter Olympic mascots, Quatchi, Miga and Sumi! The Games are a mere 2 1/2 years from now, so these charming critters need to get right to work, doing, um, whatever it is th...

Here's Sean Taylor's Past, Relevant Or No
Michael Wilbon appears to have backed down from some of his ridiculous, offensive chat comments yesterday, but the fact remains: The way many media outlets dealt with the death of Sean Taylor yesterday was questionable, to say the least....

Zero Is The Loneliest Number
Gilbert Arenas will be lost to the Washington Wizards for three months. Official reason: knee surgery. But nowhere in the Wizards' press release will you find mention of Agent Zero's real disability. No amount of rehab will cure a broken heart. He writes about the breakup with his girlfriend on his ...

Eat Ice, Evil Doers!
In Canada, it's never too early to teach the fundamentals of the national sport, even to eight-year-olds. Inside and outside edges, skating backward, forward crossovers, and if there's a scuffle on the ice you go over the boards and get in a few good shots, son!...

Steelers Roll Around In The Slop For Three Hours
How close we were last night to a 0-0 tie on "Monday Night Football." That's one that would have gone down in history; we'd certainly remember a soccer result more than we'd remember a dull, sloppy, soaked morass. All that was missing last night was fog....

R.I.P. Sean Taylor
After struggling all day yesterday, Redskins safety Sean Taylor died this morning from his wounds after a shooting in his home Monday....

The Dolphins' Quest For History Continues
We are set up, once again, for a dreadful Monday Night Football game, but at least there's some history on the line: We'd love to see Steve Spurrier and the 1976 Buccaneers on the sideline, cheering for the Dolphins so that they can all have their yearly Miller High Life celebration once the last w...