i Page 5439 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
![AHL Mascot's Backstory Totally Includes A Dead Firefighter [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/ldlk5hr2ka3wlo8ugayx.jpg)
AHL Mascot's Backstory Totally Includes A Dead Firefighter [Update]
Via Puck Daddy, this is Scorch. He's the newly revealed mascot of the AHL's Adirondack Flames. He was probably purchased a local Halloween superstore. But his shoddy construction and uninspiring photoshoot locations are probably the least problematic thing about him....

Hey, Bill Simmons, Come Work For Us!
Bill Simmons’s three-week suspension from ESPN ends on Wednesday, and there is already a lot of conjecture about how the suspension has affected his relationship with higher-ups at ESPN, and if he will stay with the network when his contract is up next year. He could stay at ESPN. He could go to Ble...

Boxer Gets Punched In The Dick So Hard He Can't Continue, Loses Fight
Last night on ESPN's Wednesday Night Fights, Carlos Velasquez took on journeyman boxer Jean Sotelo. Velasquez was heavily favored, and for the round and a half, dominated Sotelo. Then he punched Sotelo right in the dick....

Changing Conferences Doesn't Affect College Football Success
Whenever teams join a new conference, commentators debate whether their "styles of play" can succeed in their new conference. This has become a clichéd debate this past decade as a plethora of universities have ditched their old ties to pursue new conferences, in search of as much television revenue...

Sweet ESPN Martial Arts Broadcast A Throwback To Network's Early Days
If you're old enough to remember any of the 80's, you know that ESPN wasn't always the home to 24-hour jabbering analysts and NFL talk shows. In its more fledgling days, the WWL aired whatever content to which it could obtain rights; thus, Americans were introduced to wacky hat-wearing and fingerg...

The Worst Motivational Coaching Gimmicks In History
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....

New Glarus Spotted Cow: Overrated Beer From An Underrated State
Wisconsin is a really cool state, and I swear I'm not being a condescending Northeast elitist about it. This isn't like when some loathsome New York City resident praises Chicago as a "nice little town." I don't mean "Wisconsin is really cool, for an upper Midwestern state that Prince isn't from,"...

This Is The Strangest Kickoff You Will Ever See
Last week's high school football battle between DeSoto County and Bayshore High in Bradenton, Fla., featured a kickoff taken from the receiving team's own 15-yard line. If that sounds ridiculous, just watch the video, which comes to us courtesy WWSB in Sarasota....

The Cavaliers And Heat Can't Make That Three-Point Goggle Sign In Brazil
You know that cool thing LeBron sometimes does after he hits a three-pointer when he connects his thumb and index finger so it's like a little circle, then holds it over his eye with the other three fingers up so it resembles a monocle to show, Hey, I made that three? When he and the Cavaliers play ...

A Zippo To Warm Your Hands, Spheres to Cool Your Drink, and More Deals
If you tend to go through a few packs of those chemical hand warmers every winter, this Zippo alternative will pay for itself while looking really cool, and doing less damage to the environment. It features solid reviews, a sub-$13 price tag, and can run for 12 hours on a single ounce of lighter f...

Treon Harris's Lawyer: Whatever Happened, The Accuser Is To Blame
Treon Harris's lawyer released a statement today, and it's the standard defense lawyer drivel you'd expect from a guy who's a go-to wrangler for football players in trouble. His client, the University of Florida's freshman quarterback, is being investigated by university police in connection with an...

Can The Chicago Marathon Get Back In The World-Record Game?
Man, it's rough work to make a world record happen in the marathon. Dennis Kimetto's freshly minted 2:02:57 took a whopping 26 seconds off the previous mark, but think about it—that relatively large improvement works out to a blink per mile, one step in a pothole, a hamstring twinge, a gust of wind....

The Immigrant Sport: What Ping-Pong Means In America
I am standing in a gaggle of table tennis players in a dark bar in Grand Rapids, Mich., on the Fourth of July. Before us, another table tennis player named Donald Hayes is playing Millipede. Donald and the others are all competing in the U.S. Open, the biggest ping-pong tournament in America, but ri...

NHL, Roku Team Up To Screw Masses
The NHL is proudly touting the upgrades made to its NHL GameCenter LIVE package, which now features exclusive camera angles and all sorts of other toys for hockey fans willing to pony up the $159 that buys an all-inclusive (out-of-market) package. That's assuming you have a device that will play it,...

Champions League Seeding Just Got A Whole Lot Better
Today, UEFA announced changes to the Champions League seeding system. It's smarter, more streamlined, and really, the way it should've been from the start....

Michael Vick Admits To Slacking, Should Have Just Lied
Jets backup quarterback Michael Vick did a dumb thing this week when he kinda-sorta admitted that he wasn't all that prepared to play in the second half of the Jets' 31-0 loss to the Chargers on Sunday because he didn't take his weekly scout team reps seriously enough....

High School Play Features Some Of The Worst Tackling You'll Ever See
This brief highlight is ostensibly supposed to show us what a talented high school wide receiver Angelo Wiggins is, and I suppose it does that, but what it really teaches us is that high school football players can't tackle for shit....

Victim In 49ers Bathroom Fight Left Partially Paralyzed
The two men, 27-year-old Amador Rebollero and 34-year-old Dario Rebollero, who were videotaped brutally beating two other men in the Levis Stadium bathroom during last week's 49ers game were arraigned yesterday afternoon, and a few more details about the attack and its aftermath were revealed....
![Texas News Station Tweets Photos Of Some Big Ol' Dicks [NSFW]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/uwdvii8dyz0hghcd57kh.png)
Texas News Station Tweets Photos Of Some Big Ol' Dicks [NSFW]
@TWCNewsAustin attempted to give its 32,000 Twitter followers a traffic update last night, something that the rush-hour commuters of Austin were surely eager for. Instead, those commuters got an eye full of dick....

Tommy Wingels Pantses Jonathan Quick to Score
Hockey is finally back, and the most enticing match-up on the opening night of the season was San Jose at Los Angeles. But instead of letting the Kings celebrate on the night of their Stanley Cup banner ceremony, Sharks forward Tommy Wingels is out here making them look like fools. ...