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James Dolan Is A Shitty Boss, Part 4,593
New York Knicks owner and crap-ass wannabe blues musician James Dolan tried to set some kind of world record for the most people playing kazoo in one room. He enlisted New York Knicks Amar'e Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony, who would have probably rather been anywhere else, to help him lead the crowd...

Is This Celebrating Falcons Fan Grabbing Her Friend's Dick?
Many of you believe this Falcons fan's grabbing her friend's junk to celebrate a first down by Julio Jones. I'm a little hesitant, though. Watch the guy's face; he doesn't flinch. Wouldn't he at least react in the slightest way if she grabbed his dick? On the other hand, what else could she be grabb...

The Royals' First-Ever Online Playoff Ticket Sale Didn't Go So Well
If you think you bought Royals playoff tickets today in anticipation of K.C.'s likely berth, you should probably check again. This sounds ominous:...

Rickey & Robinson
Roger Kahn's latest book, Rickey & Robinson, has just been published. For more, check out this post by the book's editor, Mark Weinstein. ...

Sandy Koufax: Jackie Robinson Tried To Make Things Easier For Me
The beauty of the Internet is that it offers up surprises and treats. Never know when you're going to find something worth remembering. I was toolin' around my Tumblr feed the other day when I ran across a beautiful illustrated piece by an artist named Katherine W. Wirick. Another talented picture-m...

Crustless Sandwiches Will Destroy America
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering mugs, Adrian Peterson, safety monsters, and more....

James Dolan And His Dopey Band Went On TV And Things Got Awkward
James Dolan went on Good Day New York this morning to talk about his corny-ass blues band and play multiple(!) songs in studio. He was on the show for so long, but the highlight of his appearance was when co-anchor Rosanna Scotto couldn't remember the name of Dolan's band while introducing them fo...

Patriots Coach Bill Belichick Tongues His Girlfriend
Patriots head coach/dementor Bill Belichick kissed his girlfriend before yesterday's game against the Vikings, according to Bill Belichick's girlfriend's Instagram....

Colin Kaepernick Was The Most Disastrous Quarterback In Week 2
Colin Kaepernick had an awful game Sunday night throwing three interceptions, fumbling once, and getting sacked four times. Sometimes, broad game stats can mask situational competence, but not here. According to data from Brian Burke of Advanced Football Analytics, Kaerpernick's interception at th...

How Is This Photo Of Nicki Minaj's Allegedly Fake Butt Not A Photoshop?
Some people think this is a fake butt. Others thought it was a photoshop, but the photo is from the Getty wire, which is not where you usually find conspiracy-driving photoshops. It doesn't look especially physiologically possible, one way or another. ...

Why Did Colin Kaepernick Receive An "Inappropriate Language" Penalty?
After throwing his second interception of the night against the Bears, 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick was flagged for a 15-yard penalty for "inappropriate language." Kaepernick is the first player to be hit with a penalty of this sort, and while nobody's sharing exactly what Kaepernick said, it'...

Philip Rivers's Helmet Pays Tribute To The Only Center He's Ever Known
If you're wondering about the No. 61 on the back of Philip Rivers's helmet today—and a surprising number of you are—know that the Chargers QB didn't grab the wrong helmet; it's a tribute to Rivers's center for the last decade, who may never play another game....

Jonathan Papelbon Ejected For Grabbing Crotch At Booing Phillies Fans
Phillies reliever Jonathan Papelbon has never been a crowd favorite in Philadelphia, and when fans at Citizens Bank Park booed him off the field for blowing a three-run ninth inning lead to the Marlins he recognized their display by grabbing his dick....

Report: Vikings Won't Cut Adrian Peterson, Could Look To Trade Him
According to the New York Post's Bart Hubbuch, Vikings management will hold a conference call tonight to discuss what to do with Adrian Peterson in the short-term. It's a thorny question in the wake of the RB's indictment and booking on a felony count of child abuse, but the Vikings reportedly have ...

How Marcus Vick Found Out About Adrian Peterson
A story in four tweets:...

Lolo Jones On Aching Feet, Memory Loss, And Other Perils Of Dancing
The new season of Dancing With The Stars kicks off on Monday, and among its contestants are the usual list of obscure B-list actors and Duck Dynasty granddaughters. And then there's Lolo Jones....

Rory McIlroy: Tiger And Phil Are "Into The Back Nine Of Their Careers"
The Tour Championship begins today, and it's the first time since 1992 that neither Tiger Woods nor Phil Mickelson qualified. We are, by any reasonable observer, toward the tail-end of a generational torch-passing at the top. The world's No. 1 certainly qualifies as a reasonable observer....

Hey, Another Guy Got Kicked In The Head Yesterday
It's getting real out here, man. Yesterday, we saw NFL player Antonio Brown jump kick a punter, and it was fucking gorgeous. Let's keep this going....

Nick Foles Was Really Shitty, And Then He Wasn't
The Jacksonville Jaguars shut out the Philadelphia Eagles in the first half of today's game, which made absolutely no sense. But the game shifted after halftime, Darren Sproles and LeSean McCoy sprung a few plays, and, crucially, Eagles quarterback Nick Foles appeared to simply decide to stop suckin...